To have hung up on not so DP!

[Zatch]

I am fuming! So not so DP flys home tomorrow ridiculously early after working away. So today we get a chance to have a chat over the phone and ds gets to hear his voice.

Whilst on the phone he refers to me as 'mate'. I respond with I am not your mate I am your partner.
This is an on going issue as he uses it in a negative/condescending manner eg ' nah mate I don't think you'll be doing that' or if he's fed up/bored with topic replies with 'whatever bud' .

Its not all the time but often enough to pick up on.I am not one of his bloody dumb assed mates. I find it so insulting. After repeated request/discussions of how it winds me up and makes me feel he continues to do so and that I'm over reacting. Other wonderful phrases such as 'calm down would ya' and 'take a look at yourself' (when arguing) are triggers for me to see red.

So after the 'mate' I asked once again can you not? Can we remove it like the calm down etc? And he replies with very condescending 'nah mate'. So I hung up.

There's certain things/tones I've said that annoy him and I've respectfully stopped/found alternatives.

I've had a shite w/e so far (migraine) and was looking forward to have him home. Now all I can think is how bloody hard would it have been to just apologise for using mate instead of winding me up even more. Grrrrrrrr!!!!

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

I hate all the phrases he uses. - that's not much help sorry.

[JeanSeberg]

You used to take him on an 8-hour round trip to the airport?

Why aren't his work providing the means for him to get there? Taxi or leave car at airport?

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

He is a prick , he knows it riles you but continues to goad you.

You're a SAHM and so he expects you to be available at his convenience, regardless of the time?

You need to work on your self worth and think more highly of yourself , he treats you badly and you're putting up with it.

[boodles]

How old is he, 3?

[ZenGardener]

Don't get riled up. Instead every single time he does it respond with one of the phrases that annoys him. He will stop instantly.

[Joysmum]

DH and I had a similar conversation about how he assumes he is being clear and gets annoyed when people misunderstand him. I pointed out that with everyone else except him finding his communication unclear, perhaps he should stop getting irritated by it and perhaps realise that he's the old one out, he isn't being as clear as he thinks.

I remember my dad going through a period if self doubt when my parents split up and trying to emulate my uncle who he thought was cool. He told me to stop calling him dad and dad him by his name instead. I told him no, 'Dad' is a term of endearment only meant for him and that calling him by his name isn't special enough.

I think that the case with the use of the word 'mate' in the OP. It's not special. Then when the issue was raised, he may have used it by habit but then deliberately said it to antagonise and push buttons.

The OP has a very valid point in that her partner should be wanting to please her, certainly not setting out to upset her. The fact that he sees upsetting her as desire able shows a complete lack of respect and love in those actions.

[Zatch]

Sorry had to get ds to bed, and scrub the bath after he poo'd in it

Artisan - thinking that --- 'as a sick mate I won't be able to pick you up. I'll send you he taxi number so you can catch a cab from the station' will suffice. Still getting over migraine.

Jean - we moved after he got the job to be with family when having ds, which was a flop so we moved back. Can claim travel back on tax.

Joy - that's he crux I think! I would love a term of endearment instead. I've earned it? All I get is my name or mum. Though its always just mum really

[Zatch]

iccs - he values the relationship, having someone to come home to, provide for, love etc but starting to doubt if I'm valued as myself, there's no intimacy or passion anymore at all. Always goes on about being a team, but I feel mostly like I'm just on his team if that makes sense.

[NoodleOodle]

He's disrespectful towards you, thinks it's funny that you get annoyed/upset by him speaking to you disrespectfully, and expects you to put yourself out for him regardless. If you go and pick him up you are basically giving him permission to continue acting this way, and that there'll be no repercussions.

If you meekly go and pick him up, what reason does he have to change, you are 'letting' him speak to you like this.

[sweepdoesntlikecrowds]

My DH would never call me mate, and he wouldn't expect me to get up at 4am, getting young children out of bed, to go and pick him up.

[FutTheShuckUp]

Is he David Brent? Sorry but he sounds like a grade A berk

[Zatch]

Ok so just sent text stating that as a mate I won't be picking him up. But did attach train and cab info.
There'll be hell to pay tomorrow, especially when ds and I head to the gym. Glad it's not just me thinking he's being a jackass.

[Zatch]

so he called and he's in the right and I'm in the wrong, he shouldn't have to avoid words coz they set me off

He's angrily happy to work out how to get home tomorrow. But I'm to forget gym and dance lesson apparently. Both of which have been paid for in advance, luckily.
So now we're down to ranting phone calls, which I've ended and ignoring.

[BakerStreetSaxRift]

What does he mean you've to forget the gym? As in he won't give you the money for it, or he won't babysit his own child?

He sounds like an arse.

[BakerStreetSaxRift]

And he should avoid saying things that he knows upsets you. To do otherwise is very disrespectful, and one might even go as far as to say deliberately cruel and designed to Put You In Your Place, and abusive.

[ohfourfoxache]

Bloody hell what an entitled prick.

It sounds like what he calls you is just the tip of the iceberg.

[Longdistance]

What an arsehole!

He doesn't like it that you're standing up for yourself, and not being the usual doormat. That in itself speaks volumes.

[Zatch]

Just that I'm not to go, I'm in a prepaid program for the next few weeks and ds goes to crèche there.

Just been informed via txt that's it's my fault that he'll be catching a cab - it's an hours ride so anywhere b/w $150-200 fare refuses to catch train and 5 min can ride as he has 3 bags. Bags not fucking suitcases.

Oh and that repeating mate after I asked him was not deliberate.... So he's just thick then?? God I'm so upset and angry.
Sorry for the language

[HappyAgainOneDay]

I was abroad on holiday once. The arrangement was that - no matter what time - I was to ring home and XH would come to pick me up from the airport. I rang at 5.30am and he wouldn't come that early because he 'wasn't ready'. He did come eventually but it was only after some time that I discovered he had OW in the house with him .....

You are right not to be a doormat. Go to the gym and dance lesson. They are paid for so that's the end of that one.

My late DH swore occasionally (f word) and smoked. He knew I didn't like them so stopped - just like that. That's what makes you feel valued and loved.

Isn't there a bus link from the airport to a nearby town where he could catch a bus?

[NotALondoner]

Life's too short to put up with that shit.

Or alternatively, life's too long to put up with that shit.

[LessMissAbs]

YANBU. He sounds incredibly irritating. Sort of like a juvenile delinquent, rather than an adult man. How was he brought up? What are his parents like in terms of manners?

[Orangeisthenewbanana]

It just gets worse to be honest. Repeated use of names you've told him you dislike and now trying to tell you that "you're not to go" out. That is a little more worrying. He sounds like a bully who's having a strop & also a bit of a panic that you're suddenly standing up to him.

My DH can say the odd thoughtless thing that might upset me but when he realises how I fel he will ALWAYS apologise, just because he has upset me. The fact that your "D"P is more concerned with his taxi fare home than the fact he's hurt you makes him come across as a selfish shit.

[AwfulMaureen]

My DH calls me mate all the time! I don't care...why would I?

[Calloh]

He is telling you that you can't go to a dance class? What possible reason can he give for that?

You can't tell people you are in a relationship with what to do!

Zatch, that is awful, he needs to get his act together.