Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I unreasonable to be thinking of taking this further? (Teacher problem)

127 replies

Feminine · 22/03/2014 18:13

My eldest son (15) has been in some trouble at school recently. Nothing that serious -something that would not be considered a problem outside of it, (I don't want to give too many details) but something that the school is not happy about.

I have spoken to a couple of the teachers about this, as they have called me to inform.

I've always been polite, and respectful. As, have they, or so I thought at the time.

Anyway...last week a couple of my son's friends were in detention. Talking right by them ( probably around a corner) they were heard to say: (about DS)

" Well *** gets his attitude from his Mother" "yeah, with a Mother like that ..." "yeah what can you expect..."

Then they noticed his friends...

The Teacher told him: " You didn't hear any of that right?"

Of course his friends have told him. I've no reason to doubt them.

I don't want to get his friends in to trouble, however I can't let this rest. I think it is beyond unprofessional.

Should I let it rest, or talk to someone at school higher up?

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 11:14

tymeout yes. Exactly.:)

It ran like this: a girl in his class sent him a message...

heard your Mum being talked about while they were in detention today ask him what what they said

DS does.

Ds's friend explained what he heard. It is important to point out that this friend that over-heard is a very good friend of his. I'd be very surprised if he made it up for kicks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 11:16

Anyway, again, thanks for all the help on the matter.

I probably won't be talking to the school over this again.

I have 2 others to get through their years there Wink

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 11:20

DS was asked/requested not to do something in his own time. On his own facebook page. It did not involve another pupil, nor was it unkind.

In a work place you need to follow Internet policy that include home use.

Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 11:24

Yes, I understand that Ican

they are at school though. Minors at this point.

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 11:28

What did he put on Facebook.

pixiepotter · 23/03/2014 11:39

what do you actually care? Does it really matter to you what a pair of saddo teachers think of you?

Lottiedoubtie · 23/03/2014 11:54

Saddo teachers Hmm are you 15?

OP if your son brought the school into disrepute on FB he deserved the detention. Other people 'got away with it' because the Internet is a big place and school don't have time or resources to police it all.

If he was an adult and did the same thing re. a workplace he could expect a disciplinary.

Re. Your OP, if the incident happened it was obviously unfortunate but since you cannot prove it, and attempting to would actually weaken your position I suggest you just forget about it.

Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 13:04

Ican he spoke about the incident that got him in to trouble. Lots of friends were asking him...he clarified on his page as a status. I don't think that was the best idea ...but you know, he is 15!

pixie I care because I hate that they have the wrong impression of me.

Anyway. I've received great advice here....I'm going to leave it.

I'm disappointed the Teacher's were indiscreet. I'd have hoped they'd have saved their whining for the staff room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 13:05

Oh sorry. DS did not say anything negative about the school.

just that it was true-he had been punished.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 23/03/2014 13:15

Good lesson for him to learn that the internet isn't simply a private conversation between him and his mates. He was told not to do it, he did it and was found out. My school policy is that anything on the internet that follows on from or influences stuff that happens in school is something the school can deal with. Hence we are able to exclude pupils for cyber-bullying and the like.

I never get to go to the staff room these days, I have to whine wherever I get the chance. Wink

tethersend · 23/03/2014 13:26

I'd just mention to the teachers concerned that they may want to be more discreet when speaking about children in front of other students, so as not to get themselves into a mountain of trouble, as you have heard things which must have been misinterpreted, as you know they would never actually say that.

Just some friendly advice, of course Wink

HappyAgainOneDay · 23/03/2014 14:08

The boys who overheard the teachers' conversation didn't have their ears pressed up against a door and fall over when the door opened inwards, did they? Grin

Anyone else laugh at David Beckham no I won't go there!

sashh · 23/03/2014 16:01

he spoke about the incident that got him in to trouble. Lots of friends were asking him...he clarified on his page as a status. I don't think that was the best idea ...but you know, he is 15!

And somehow the teacher knew in advance that he was going to do this? He was told not to and went ahead anyway but you don't think it was the best idea?

Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 16:05

I don't know what you mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 16:10

sash sorry I was on my phone.

Well, no I don't think it is one of his better ideas, however not the crime of the century!

Lots of teens live their lives through that silly small square that lives in their pockets!

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 16:13

So he got into trouble at school, then afterwards was told not to put in on Facebook and got into more trouble because of it.

At 15 ( almost 16) he should know how to follow a simple set of instructions.

The teachers shouldn't have been discussing you in earshot of the pupils, but during this whole thread you haven't supported the school at all.

Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 16:25

Ican how on earth can you tell I haven't supported the school?

I'm being honest here (on MN)

They have have had my full support IRL

when I asked for more clarification, I asked politely in letter form/or on the phone.

My DS will bw 16 at the end of the year.

Come to think of it though, why do I have to support them? They don't get it right all the time.

But on this occasion they have no reason to think I wasn't on their 'side'

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 23/03/2014 16:27

'I know that the teachers have been talking about me in a negative and dismissive way, tell them to stop it right now.'

That should work. Try it.

Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 16:29

goblin do you mean I should say that to another teacher?

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 16:29

When DS have been in trouble at school, I have never asked for a full written letter or detailed phone call.

When we have gotten home, it's loss of pad and tv time which he hates.

Goblinchild · 23/03/2014 16:29

Is he going on to Sixth Form? It might suit his independent spirit and non-conformist attitude better than school.

Goblinchild · 23/03/2014 16:30

'goblin do you mean I should say that to another teacher?'

I was thinking loudly, in Reception.

nkf · 23/03/2014 16:33

Your son needs to make friends with kids who don't get detentions. The teachers shouldn't have gossipped in front of them. The friends shouldn't have reported it to you (they are young though and probably don't know about not gossipping.) All a mess. Probably you should complain but is it possible that your son is a pain and you are too. It's always hard to judge oneself. They definitely shouldn't have gossipped though.

Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 16:37

goblin I'm trying so hard to be good! Wink

And really, my whole thread has been powered by the fact that it is much more natural to me to be a pain if crossed.

I've been so good...

The 'sympathetic' teacher has told me that she'd like to work with him to see if she can find an apprenticeship. This teacher told me she was "just like him" at his age...and that she remembers how he must feel.

For those concerned I'm raising a brat, she also told me he was very respectful!

Thank you for your help, you have cheered me up also!

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 23/03/2014 16:38

Ican how old are your children?

OP posts: