To not get the problem with skin whitening?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Just seen a video with a singer Dencia 'defending' her decision to lighten her skin and the interviewer suggesting that it means she's uncomfortable being a black woman. Provided the product is safe to use, I don't see why someone lightening dark skin is any different ethically to a pale person using fake tan, or someone putting a dye on grey hair.

Yes

Ok yes I definitely think more black men, white women. Another thing I find is that a white woman is perceived as a bimbo for dating a black man and that if a white man is intelligent and liberal for dating a black woman. Just my experience.

Interesting.

Seems women can't win eh?

Is there an issue with skin tone for men? I think, again IME, I've seen no men wanting to be lighter. I've also seen that white women also seem to go for very dark men over lighter men. But then that's maybe because all my black male friends are dark.

Newt I've noticed more young black women with white men in the last few years but I still see way more black men with white women.

I have black and mixed race female friends and family who have never had a relationship with a white man and never expect to.

We have talked about it and apart from it being a seemingly generation thing, we're all in our 40's, they can't give a definitive answer for why! It has to be beyond just not being attracted to each other surely?

My dd is mixed race and 14, she seems to like white, black and mixed race boys equally at the moment. She did say the other day that she thinks white boys prefer white girls and I am really surprised and a bit sad that she feels that way!

Evee I think men face similar issues, but as most issues with appearance they are less prominent for men than women. Jamaican artist Vybz Kartel is known for his use of bleaching products. Looks fucking disgusting from it all too.

That is sad she feels that way thorn. Thinking about it, all my mixed race female friends have white boyfriends.

My mum said that she simply wasn't attracted to black men and that she was worried of any issues that may arise from having one white child and one mixed race when I tried to fix her up with a black guy.

Perhaps I'm easy different but someone's colour never stopped me being attracted to them

I used to feel that way Thorn. I can remember being in school once and playing along with a group of friends pretending I fancied a slightly nerdy boy (I know, it was bitchy...) When one of them said "Don't you fancy ChocolateSnowflakes?" he said "No! She's black!" (I'm not actually, but to him mixed and black are all the same.) Perhaps I deserved it for being such a cow in the first place! Was a total shock at the time though as I had never expected someone to actually say it out loud.

People who fake tan are not trying to be black - they are trying to look like white people who have caught the sun.

Black people who bleach their skin are trying to look white, because they have been persecuted for not being white.

That's the difference.

She said it very matter of factly Evees she didn't seem upset. I think maybe at 14 boys and girls stick with what's familiar, I'm guessing that will change as they mature a bit.

I totally get your mum's thinking there, sad but true!

Big paws, I know a girl who fake tans and dyes her hair black and thinks she looks mixed race. Talks like she's black and generally doesn't tell people she isn't mixed race.

Chocolate that must've been a shock! We moved from a predominantly Afro-Caribbean part of South London to sunny West Sussex and I think attitudes are a bit different down here

Yes I've met a few of those Evess but again their reasoning is not because of any kind of persecution. They just want to be something they're not!

That's good she wasn't upset thorn. That sort of thing would really upset me, if my dd was upset by it.

I don't really get my mums thinking on it, I remember being really confused by it at the time because she has never once uttered a racist comment or in any other way made out that she noticed a difference.

My gran on the other hand is a little racist. You know how many old people are? Yet they are nice to everyone but have their little sayings. My first and only serious relationship, after his name, the first thing she asked was if he was white because she knew I wasn't fussed about colour. She and my mum lived in Africa for years so I find it all quite strange.

I've been listening to a lot of akala recently and he talks about poo through his letterbox and people spitting into his pram because he was mixed race. All very upsetting stuff. Especially, as it's quite recent.

Your mum was probably more worried about what other people would think. Having a white child and a mixed race child would attract unwelcome comments from a few bigoted individuals.

I went out with a mixed race guy a few years ago, he had 2 sons who looked white I had my dd who is mixed race. We got some looks when we were all together and this was only about 8 years ago! People assumed his sons were mine and my dd was his, I found it quite entertaining

I'm guilty of the same. A mixed race lady my age, a mixed race toddler and a white lady my mums age. I assumed they were grandmother, mother, daughter. The white lady was mother to the toddler and the mixed race lady was a friend. Generally, I think an Occam's razor moment.

I just had to google Occam's razor, every day's a school day

Yeah, that was me a few days ago. First chance I've had to use it...

Evees that is my experience of Asian women.

Newt there are definitely more black men dating white women than the other way around.

Perhaps less white men desire black women or do not have the confidence to approach them. Black men go for what they want and always have done.

I feel know some black men believe they have 'stepped up' when dating white women. This derives from them being portrayed as true beauties and sought after by men of every race.

Evees I have come across many white girls/ women who attempt to act and speak in the way they believe a black woman does. It is patronising as we do not all speak street slang with a real/fake Jamaican accent.

I literally cringe on hearing them!

Nine times out of ten they have black friends, a black partner and mixed raced children. They will never have to experience what black women go through but possibly think they have some sort of idea.

I cringe when I hear anyone speaking like a wannabe gangster. Where I live now, most people do.

You hear it in songs (Kanye west, gold digger) and films (is there one where the intro says about black women being strong and bossy but white women are pushovers so easy for black men) about white girls and black men.

I always found a lot of hostility from black girls but never black men. I also know that some black girls who did talk to me got shitty comments from their black friends.

I missed a bit. Kanye west gold digger when he says 'when he get on, he leave your ass for a white girl. That song was my first knowledge of 'stepping up' to a white girl and it really shocked me. I only found out from an awkward conversation.

I grew up in an amazingly backward place. I'd say generally peoples attitudes weren't bad to skin colour. I never heard bad comments etc, just your typical racist jokes. However, there were only two families who weren't white in the whole school/town. Later, a black family moved into my village but no one said anything different about them and they fitted in just fine.

I only 'learnt' most of what I know from UNi and was actually shocked by what people have said to me about their lives and what they've been through. Where I live now there's people from everywhere but everyone's attitude stinks.

"Black people who bleach their skin are trying to look white"

But no-one really looks at a black person with slightly lighter skin and thinks 'that's a white person' do they?

To not get the problem with skin whitening? (174 Posts)
Really you don't understand about self hatred and shadeism

The lighter you are the more you expect hence why mixed raced people are more desirable to many white people

And I actually hear people say I would date a mixed raced guy person but not a black guy

Or have had had guys say to me when younger you really pretty for a dark skinned girl or the classic if you were light skinned you would ok amazing

To defend the OP. she, like me, is white. We are not told these things by our white mothers. Black girls may open up to us if we are lucky but I don't think this is the sort of thing every white person 'knows'.

We are not (well I don't think/I wasn't) told lighter shades of black are ok but don't mix with people with very dark skin so unless people ask, they aren't going to know