To be more than annoyed when people inform me my children need a good smack?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

It really winds me up.
Not so much the oldies who say " in our day I would have a got a whack for that " but people that can see I'm already having a tough time dealing with 2 toddlers, my eldest daughter is going through a phase ( I bloody hope ) of hitting everyone including me and we always have the same conversation, I don't hit you and you must not hit mummy, you've hurt me and now we are going home.
So we had this yesterday in a park and a lady informed me that I was " wishy washy " and what she actually needed was a good smack herself.
Am I being unreasonable to think she is an ignorant fool or am I some kind of martyr as I don't believe in hitting children?

Genuine question for the smackers - how old is too old?

My dad was pretty heavy handed into my teens and DP's mum used to chase him around whacking at his legs with a bamboo stick right up to the point where he took it off her and broke it into bits. We don't smack and the squeakers seem to be fine so far but I'm curious as to whether people who do smack think there's an age beyond which it's no longer acceptable ...

If someone suggested I hit my child, I'd hit them and say "Like that? How do you feel now? Fecking moron." and walk away.

I've never smacked my kids, never would, never called them names, never yelled at them, never humiliated them and never embarrassed them. I have used time out, positive parenting and negotiating, discussing and reasoning. I have never even considered anything else.

Yes, abuse comes in many forms, but smacking's lack of exclusivity does not lessen it's impact. All abuse is wrong.

The NSPCC (egotistical idiots?) and children's tsar Maggie Atkinson are campaigning for children to be protected by the same laws that currently protect adults and animals from physical assault. More power to them I say.

It's extraordinarily rude to tell somebody that their child needs a smack. Extraordinarily rude, even if you believe it to be true.

It's so rude that I believe the following response is justified: "thank you for your interest, but I don't believe in child abuse/ bullying children/ beating people smaller than me/ insert the most offensive term you can think of for smacking here."

That pisses them off. Which they deserve, because they shouldn't have said a child needs a smack. It's rude.

BTW, I don't know why people who smack, always seem to think that if you don't, you have to employ some other sort of cruelty/ emotional abuse instead. Er, you can bring up children without resorting to either physical or emotional abuse you know.

But this isn't about whether you believe in smacking or not is it? It's about whether you should tell another parent that s/he should be smacking her child. And of course you shouldn't, any more than you should tell him/ her that s/he shouldn't have bought that dreadful outfit.

Thinking about it, it's actually quite mad to tell a random woman in the park to inflict pain on her child isn't it? I wonder about the hostility levels of people who feel so motivated that they tell a complete stranger that she should do that. It's berserk really, why would you be so emotionally involved that you could dispense that advice to a complete stranger, knowing that it may be unwelcome? It's like telling them they need a better colour scheme or better haircut or something - too involved.

Thinking about it, maybe it's that they want the validation of smacking their own kids by telling you to smack your's. I remember when DS was little my mum, best friend etc. were all telling me to smack him - because they had smacked their DCs and of course it validates them. If you're confident in your own parenting, you don't need to tell other people how to do their's.

Random I love that in demonstrating that you believe smacking chant be used as a corrective on bad behaviour you reason that you would use smacking as a corrective on bad behaviour

YANBU, of course you're not.

My DB and I used to get the occasional smack when we were little. I don't think it did us any harm and I don't hold it against my parents because they blatantly loved us, and they used it as a form of discipline within the context of the time.

However, it's not something I would ever do to my children. I don't hit people full-stop. Especially not people smaller than me, and especially not my own children who I love more than anything else on earth.

I expect my husband not to hit me. In part because he loves me, in part because he's bigger than me, and in part because as humans (and not base animals) we have surely evolved away from hitting people as a way of reconciling a situation.

As soon as you hit a person, you've lost all credibility. When you hit a person you love, who's smaller than you, then you have actual problems.

Observers telling you should smack your child should probably just stop beaking, and mind their own business.

And more power to them you may say sleep. Fantastic that you believe every law that has ever been passed, motioned or lobbied for is naturally always right

Fefifo an adult smacking a child is bullying, abuse and intimidation. If an adult suggests it to me I think they need to be shown that as clearly they do it to their own kids and as I can pretty much guarantee I'm bigger than 99% of mothers and 75% of fathers out there so let's see how they like it. No one tells me I should abuse my child and walks away.

I also don't believe I would have any luck in explaining my stance to the authorities sleep, because I would imagine if that ridiculous law were passed (and it won't be by the way) social services and the police would go into absolute meltdown and spontaneously combust.

Don't believe I said that Fefifo, every law, really?

Do think the anti-smacking law is right though.

Noticed you've dodged my question about smacking disabled children, why's that then?

Random, so you would use your position as someone of bigger stature to physically intimidate someone to illustrate your point that physically intimidating someone on the grounds of your bigger stature is wrong?

And the argument that you could teach a child not to hit by smacking them really holds no water with you. Rrrreeeeeeeaaaaaalllllllyyyyy???

I may not agrees with sleep's points but at least they're coherent.

Well sort of

Oh for gods sake sleep. Disabled children now? I take it back that your argument is sort of coherent.

I was in a soft play a couple of years ago and a toddler boy was being a real little brat, he really was. His grandmother smacked his bum, over jeans & a nappy. I didn't agree, I wouldn't have done it, I would have gone medieval on anyone who did that to my child, but I accepted that that is their way, that the child was fine, his behaviour stopped and it wasn't serious abuse. 3 minutes later 4 police men stormed in, detained the tiny grey haired foreign old granny and we're threatening to remove the child. Mother came running over, translated, explained and calmed it all down, showed the toddler's bum had no mark on it & the police left after taking their details. I think it was an overreaction the way they stormed in & intimidated the granny but I think it was right she was told you can't do that. You can't.

Ok sleep so if you don't agree with every law then what would make that law a good one? The fact you agree with it? Perhaps you should make up all laws regarding children as the world's leading authority. I'm sure we could get something on the statute books relating to your sticker, toy, heartfelt thanks encouragement system.

There is a HUGE difference between an innocent little child being hit by a huge towering adult with 10 times their strength and 100 times their power, and an adult hitting another adult suggesting I abuse my child. If they told me to take naked photos of their privates and post them online or didn't feed them for 24 hours or locked them in a cupboard they'd get a slap then too. Simples. It's abuse and I'm not being advised to do it without a reaction.

Random, I think you'll find she can and she did as there's no law against it. Did the police not arresting her and leaving the boy in her care impress this upon you?

Why are your children misbehaving to the extent that strangers feel the need to offer advice on more than one occasion?

Nope, you've completely lost me with naked photos of privates. Seek help.

Fefifo, what is the difference between hitting a child with a mental age of three and an actual three year old?

In Spain I witnessed a 'harmless' old granny thrash her grandson round the head, several hard blows, because he climbed on a coin operated kiddie ride with my daugher. Had I tried to restrain her and protect him, I would have been arrested.

Law needs to change, and soon.

Naked photos of kids privates on the internet is abuse, as would be locking them in a cupboard, or not feeding them, and as is, IMHO, hitting them. Same league as far as I'm concerned. I for one can't wait for a law against it to come in and would fully support it.

What makes this law a good one is that it criminalises hitting children. Makes it illegal. Like it's illegal to hit adults and animal in current legislation. That's a good thing Fefifo, not just in my egotistically idiotic opinion but also in the NSPCC's.

Does my sticker and heartfelt thanks parenting offend you? Good. You hitting toddlers offends me. Glad we're both on the same page here.

Well sleep, you clearly don't hold your convictions as close to your heart as you suggest because in that instance I would of certainly intervened, arrested or not. You seriously sat back and watched a child be walloped around their head for your own safety? Might I suggest you take a closer look at your own willingness to protect the vulnerable.

This is just ridiculous now, we've come to a point where a very occasional smack has become akin to beating a child up and paedophelea?

Sleep, I'm glad you're such a fan of the law. The law is very simple, smacking a child occasionally and not hard enough to leave a scar is legal. Parliament debated this and this was the distinction drawn between what is acceptable and what is not.