To be more than annoyed when people inform me my children need a good smack?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

It really winds me up.
Not so much the oldies who say " in our day I would have a got a whack for that " but people that can see I'm already having a tough time dealing with 2 toddlers, my eldest daughter is going through a phase ( I bloody hope ) of hitting everyone including me and we always have the same conversation, I don't hit you and you must not hit mummy, you've hurt me and now we are going home.
So we had this yesterday in a park and a lady informed me that I was " wishy washy " and what she actually needed was a good smack herself.
Am I being unreasonable to think she is an ignorant fool or am I some kind of martyr as I don't believe in hitting children?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

Worra,
Youngest daughter ( 2 ) was asking for food so she was happy to go
Eldest daughter ( 3 1/2 ) not happy hence she hit me

[Curlyweasel]

tripecity - unfair. whilst I don't agree with blahblahblah, she hardly said op should be beating the child!

[Bellyshelf]

My 4yo went through a hitting phase a few months ago. Or afternoon he cracked DH across the face and then kicked him. DH decided enough was enough, it had been going on for around a month by that point, and gave him a tap on the backside (and then felt like shit afterwards because usually we don't smack).

It didn't stop him from hitting boom. Blahblahblahs parenting theory exploded

What worked was what you're doing. If he hit while we were out it was straight home. If he did it in the house it was an immediate end to whatever activity he was doing (Playdoh, colouring, TV, etc) and straight into time out in a quiet room so he could get his temper under control.

We also taught him that everyone gets angry and its okay to feel angry but its not okay to take that anger out on other people. We told him to "take a big breath and count to five" as a way of calming himself down and that he could go to his room or the garden if he needed to scream or shout.

He still does get angry sometimes but now most times he tells me "I'm very cross so I'm going outside/upstairs" and off he goes. The times he does lash out we go back to the beginning of home/time out.

I also had lots of people telling me he needed a good hiding.

Keep going, you're doing great.

[blahblahblah2014]

why don't you go and post on a child beating forum blahblahblah? I think you would fit in there a lot better

Well if you can not see the difference between a disciplined smack accompanied with a harsh telling off and a beating, there really is no point

Smacking does work when they are young.

I remember smacking my DS when he ran off into the road, he didn't do it again.

I smacked him when he was having a tantrum and rammed me, he didn't do it again

It works. No harm to the child. My DC are all grown up wonderfuly

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

Bellyshelf,
Thankyou for your encouraging words.
I'm not ashamed to admit your post made me a little emotional.
I really hope this phase sends soon, she's always been quite a physical child and enjoys climbing / running / gymnastics etc wheras my youngest is happy drawing and playing quietly.
Very different characters and I wonder sometimes if she just has so much energy she doesn't quite know what to do with it.
Although when she loses her temper and hits she needs to know that is not okay.
I'm worried also as she is due to start nursery in a few weeks, has never been to any nursery setting before and that's hard enough for us without the worry that she will hit other children, or even a teacher if she loses her rag.

[qazxc]

YANBU OP. Teaching a child that hitting is wrong by hitting them is a contradictory message.

[tiktok]

Actually, hitting a child teaches them that it's ok to hit, as long as the hitter is bigger and stronger than the person being hit.

Who on earth wants to teach their kids that?

[Goldmandra]

No harm to the child.

You have no proof that this is the case.

My parents think that smacking me did me no harm and I am fine. They are wrong but I would never be able to tell them this.

The end does not justify the means.

[PennySillin]

My parents think that smacking me did me no harm and I am fine. They are wrong but I would never be able to tell them this.

Sadly this is the case for me too!

[peggyundercrackers]

i was smacked and im fine, i have no issues, i would smack my children if i thought it was justified.

your wasting your time on here convincing people smacking is OK - they all seem to think smacking is the same as giving someone a beating... oh and its ok to shout at kids apparently - never mind it can be verbal abuse and frighten the shit out of them

[Dahlen]

YANBU to be so annoyed. Regardless of how you feel about smacking, offering any stressed parent unsolicited advice is rude and tactless. Sympathy only.

[Goldmandra]

oh and its ok to shout at kids apparently

Absolutely not!

[Latraviata]

Mn is daft when it comes to smacking kids-noone evers does it but among my friends its 50/50 those who do and those who don't.

I was dying to give my friends dc a smack this morning when he spilt hot coffee all over my boots and dress after being repeatedly asked to not jump about the chairs/table. Instead my friend gave him a cuddle and a treat

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It is the same as beating someone though.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

If you gave your friends DS a smack it woukd he assault and rightly so.

Smacking is lazy parenting, sorry.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

*would be

[tiktok]

Probably the most accurate word is 'assault'. You would certainly be accused of assault if you forcefully and uninvitedly applied your hand to the body of another person in any other context.

'Beating' implies repeated blows, perhaps with an implement. So it would be a more serious form of assault than a slap.

But essentially, they are the same thing.

[purplebaubles]

hmm. I don't believe at all that children who are smacked are more likely to smack other children. I was smacked as a child and it would never ever have crossed my mind to smack another child!

I was only smacked for really naughty behaviour, after warnings. I have to say, I knew I deserved all of them!

I would say a 'phase' like 'hitting people' is something that needs dealing with quickly. You can't just wait for her to get bored of it, surely?

However, I think the woman was out of order to have an opinion on your parenting techniques!

[Goldmandra]

You can't just wait for her to get bored of it, surely?

Why do pro-smackers think that there is no other way to manage behaviour?

That shows a distinct lack of imagination.

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

My son ran into the road. I told him off. Then I explained why he must never do it again. He has never done it since and frequently tells me why we must always hold hands. So there you go - a smack wasn't necessary and it most certainly never occurred to me to give one!

I don't think being anti-smacking is exclusively MN. None of my friends or family do it and I would be greatly uncomfortable spending time with anyone who considered it acceptable. If a child carelessly spilled coffee over me after being warned I would be very annoyed if said child wasn't told off but I wouldn't want them smacked for it!

[YoureAShoe]

How silly.
If you hit another adult to tell them off, it would be assault. Quite simple really.
Because hurting your children teaches them valuable life lessons

[JonSnowIsAProperLover]

OP, opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one, and they usually stink.

[Pregnantberry]

Well, she was probably smacked as a child, and it didn't stop her from turning into a rude and inconsiderate adult.

[ShadowFall]

YANBU.

I don't smack DS1 (2.5 yrs) when he's naughty. I'm concerned that if I do this, then he'll get the idea that hitting other people is acceptable behaviour.

It seems very contradictory to me to tell DS1 that it's wrong for him to hit other people when they annoy him - and them for me to smack him when he's naughty.