To be more than annoyed when people inform me my children need a good smack?

[Slightlyneuroricnat]

It really winds me up.
Not so much the oldies who say " in our day I would have a got a whack for that " but people that can see I'm already having a tough time dealing with 2 toddlers, my eldest daughter is going through a phase ( I bloody hope ) of hitting everyone including me and we always have the same conversation, I don't hit you and you must not hit mummy, you've hurt me and now we are going home.
So we had this yesterday in a park and a lady informed me that I was " wishy washy " and what she actually needed was a good smack herself.
Am I being unreasonable to think she is an ignorant fool or am I some kind of martyr as I don't believe in hitting children?

There was another poster on here who I chatted to a bit (pre name change) a social worker from Scotland she was saying to me that there it is an offence full stop if your child is under a certain age.

I think they have the right idea. And apparently their offices have not imploded with work volume (well anymore than the already usual heavy case loads) its just marked a change in old views because it was already generally considered to be totally unacceptable parenting so making it illegal was a logical step.

Really surprised and saddened by how many people seem traumatised by having had the occasional smack as a child.:( It was just the done thing when I was a kid in the 70s and 80s. Everyone I knew got smacked now and then by their parents, even in basically kind, liberal, indulgent houses such as my own. Being hit with an implement was unusual and considered abusive (though there were some kids I knew who suffered this- poor them) but a slap with the hand on backside or hand really was practically universal. My parents both went in for the end of tether type smacks when we were being particularly trying and they were stressed. I don't think it was a good or effective thing to do (and told them so at the time in defiant rage!) but I don't feel traumatised at all. I have never hit/smacked any of my children but I don't feel sad for my child self in the slightest. I understand how frustrating children and life circumstances can be and feel unsurprised that this affected my parents sometimes and they acted with the norms of the time.

It's funny, I used to be very pro smacking. I ought that to make it criminal would end up punishing parents who reacted in fear as a one off - when a child runs out into the road for eg.

But I think that was just because I was immature and stupid.

I grew up. I think assaulting a child should be just as much a crime as assaulting an adult and the fact that it isn't says a lot about our attitudes to children and their protection, none of it any good.

And the vast majority of my clients came from the type described as loving by the people who are pro smacking.

My mum hit me twice that I can remember. I wouldn't say I am traumatised but I remember the two occasions vividly to this day.

It was not always normal in the 70's plenty of people did not like smacking back then.

But I love my kids!

Mmmm. That has a familiar ring.

People here are traumatised from being smacked as a child? Really?

I don't have children so can't yet say whether I will be a smacker or not but am pretty amazed by that.

I'm sure that's true, Needs. But as I say, within my particular social environment at the time it was practically universal for parents to smack. It had been banned in London state schools though (apart from religious ones) so there was some sense that hitting children was wrong going on. But parents were thought to be well within their rights to slap their children. I think my mother was actually anti smacking in theory but lost her rag occasionally.

Need, do I really? Stop being so fucking arrogant. I've already stated, a few times, that I think hitting a child with a weapon is very wrong. You would need to use an 'implement' I presume, to leave a child with swelling wouldn't you?

What on earth makes you think think that occasionally smacking a child's hand is a very frowned upon practice other than your own arrogance? The fact that you may frown upon it doesn't automatically suggest that the majority of other people do ffs.

You know most parents? Are you the tooth fairy? You mean most parents you know. Most parents I know have also smacked.

Once again, I said when we get home because I don't smack in public as I believe that would humiliating. It's not to avoid those pesky social services, as you may like to conclude as like I said I know many in that field, including my best friend and DH and they're aware I occasionally smack my children's hands.

So you wait til you get home?

So how do you administer the punishment? Does the child spend e whole journey back in fear? Do you draw the curtains and go into a special room to deliver the 'smack' ?

And this is pretty standard behaviour round your way?

"DoINeedToPutMyShoesOn Sat 22-Mar-14 00:58:45
People here are traumatised from being smacked as a child? Really? grin

I don't have children so can't yet say whether I will be a smacker or not but am pretty amazed by that."

Why are you amazed by it and why did you put in the smiley?

Is it because you want to be dismissive of people's experiences and feelings? Or for some other reason?

Other reasons ? Being A Twat?

I suspect inappropriate use of emoticons is strongly linked to pro smacking.

You probably work with some very damaged children so your experience would lead you to conclude that. I presume none of your friends smack then?

My children are not brought up to believe that if they displease an adult they will be physically punished . My children displease me several times a day and they're not physically punished. I smack the youngest maybe every few months or so, the eldest not for at least a year. What do you think I do with them in the interim between smacks Spero? Do you presume that because I do smack I lock them in cupboards quacking in fear?

Stop comparing everyone who smacks to your bloody clients. There is a distinction, learn to make it.

Yes you do,very much. And if you also think you don't sound arrogant then you should probably re read your posts.

Not one respected parenting support service advocates the use of smacking NOT one, they are also quite clear that smacking is not good.

Every time one of these threads come up most of the posters don't believe it's a good method it's only a small minority who repeatedly post on the threads that argue its ok.

Reactions towards it happening in public in lots of places are fairly negative.

It's fairly safe to acknowledge that as a parenting tool it's generally looked down on.

If you are so confident in it being acceptable why do you feel you need to validate that?

Quacking

Stop comparing everyone who smacks to your bloody clients. There is a distinction, learn to make it

I expect her clients thought that,before they became clients chances are most of them still think it because they love their kids

You haven't answered my question. How do you administer this punishment when you get home?

I know people socially who smack. Not all smackers are feckless chav scum, I quite accept that.

But I think they are all bad parents.

FYI no an implement would not need to be used to cause a swelling I spend quite a bit of time having to look at photos of injuries and a flat hand can cause a swelling (tends to happen just above the hands or backs of legs and necks/faces)

Spero, again with the bloody arrogant presumptions. I went to primary school in a very rough part of South London as does my daughter. Where on earth in this part of town were you that you saw children being cuffed and swiped on their way in by their parents as I've never seen that???

But yes I do know that most of my classmates were smacked, as I also know that most of my daughter's classmates are.

"Fast forward ten years and where will those children be"

Well Spero let me answer, a few of my (smacked) classmates are drug dealers or etching out an existence on benefits. Most of my (smacked) classmates are working hard, in professions ranging from admin assistants at the council to lawyers to doctors to whatever else.

You're beyond reasoned debate if you are so smug and self satisfied with your own parenting you are convinced that any other style must inevitably lead to a route of absolute chaos and destruction.

She did not say any other style she was quite clear it's only the violent and abusive styles she thinks are bad parenting.

I agree with her.

Spero, like I said I didn't administer it. We made a cake. When I have administered it there has been no drawings of curtains or special rooms, I'm not a lawyer my house isn't that big.

So that's what makes a bad parent then? The fact that in and of itself they've smacked?

Plenty of naice, attachment, gentle parenting etc. advocates whose children are currently hooking themselves on the streets or stealing to buy drugs or insert your own terrible outcome. Are they bad parents? They didn't give their children TV or smack of or do anything other than weave lentils with them until their teen years.

Plenty of parents who do smack their children whose kids have grown up to be lawyers, doctors , homeowners, pension contributors, responsible parents etc?

So plenty of parents either side whose kids have gone the wrong way or the right way so clearly you're not judging by outcomes. So what makes smackers, each and to a man, bad parents?

The fact that because you think smacking is wrong you must be right? Come on, you're a lawyer, try harder,

I am ashamed of the grammar used in my last post. The iPad is no excuse. I will flog myself accordingly.

Need, she thinks any kind of smacking whatsoever , regardless of what you do for your children inbetween, regardless of the way or nature in which the smack is administered, renders the parent automatically a bad parent and one whose children social services should keep an eye on and one whose children society in general should be wary of in ten years time. And you agree with her. Regardless of whether those parents' children turn out o be happy, productive members of society in their adult years. Jesus weeps.