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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

412 replies

thebadwife · 19/03/2014 12:14

Just that really, I have always tried to dress my son in the most practical clothes for the activities of the day. The colour has never been important, which when was younger led to him being assumed to be a girl as often as he was a boy. Sometimes he wore leggings but mostly standard trousers, t-shirts and jumpers nothing particularly exciting, experimental or political.

However I have just had a daughter and my friends and family have been very generous and given us some lovely clothes for her which have included a few dresses. My son has always commented positively when I wear dresses, but has been really jealous of these tiny dresses and has asked several times if he can wear them. I told him they were too small but I would buy him a dress for his birthday in May. I have mentioned it to a few people and they have looked at me like I am crazy.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Caitlin17 · 19/03/2014 22:52

Fudgeface I'm not being ridiculous. There was a very judgemental thread about a mother allowing her daughter to be noisy in a library, but completely irrelevant to anything in story the poster felt the need to comment on the little girl being all in pink. And that is by no means the only one.

ZingSweetCoconut · 19/03/2014 22:55

Elk

what's so objectionable?

if you think it's ok, then clearly nothing.

Dubjackeen · 19/03/2014 22:56

He's 6 now and hasn't worn one for quite a while but I still have to keep his favourite dress sleeping beauty dress in my wardrobe. It was DDs & came from Disneyland so is rather lovely. Occasionally he wants to see it and stroke it but not keen to wear it anymore.
Aww, there is something just is endearing about this.

Waltonswatcher1 · 19/03/2014 23:19

I have pictures of my 9 year old in all sorts of girlie outfits , he used to just love dressing up . The outfits would be worn ' out' much to my mothers horror .
He's now 11 and very much a lad . (Not that I'd care if he was very much an effeminate boy still in pink).
Buy him the dress and get some shoes to match. Love his character and never stamp it out .

5madthings · 19/03/2014 23:24

Ds3 rocking his tutu and a tiara! He was about 7?

AIBU to buy my son a dress for his 3rd Birthday

foreverondiet · 19/03/2014 23:26

Personally I would be fine with a dressing up dress, like a disney princess dress or ballet outfit, even to school on a dressing up day.. but wouldn't take my son out in a normal clothes dress. Would be ok with him dressing up in his older sister clothes.

No issue with him wearing pink, both my DS have gone through pink phases aged around 2, let them wearing hand me down pink wellies, but wouldn't buy pink shoes (althoughhisstartriteredshoesfadednowlookingpink). I am Scottish (although live in England) would be happy to take him out in a kilt, even though others might think its a skirt.

5madthings · 19/03/2014 23:27

And in his pink silk party dress, he was gutted when he grew pit of it, in this pic he was ready to go to a bday party :)

ElkTheory · 19/03/2014 23:33

Love the pictures, 5madthings. What a happy little fellow!

5madthings · 19/03/2014 23:35

He is a happy boy, not so little now, just nine and as tall as his eleven year old brother as he has had a growth spurt, still lobes his clothes tho. He looked very dapper in his shirt and waistcoat for a school disco tonight, vompleyte with pink glo bracelets! He knows his own style

MyBaby1day · 20/03/2014 00:40

I definitely would not!, he's a boy and boys do not wear dresses, you have a Daughter now and she does!. Obviously bless him it's understandable he may be feeling a bit jealous with a new baby coming along so buy him a nice boys outfit!!.

GoshAnneGorilla · 20/03/2014 01:18

There is some anti-girlie girl sentiment on MN and almost any thread discussing daughters will have someone piping up about girls being bitchy or hormonal.

People think being anti-pink is feminist, but there's something very dubious, IMO about viewing tthings aimed at girls as inferior to things aimed at boys. Gender neutral often just means something is in primary colours, so there's plenty of blue on it, but definitely no pink, so not gender neutral at all.

People don't mind girls being tomboys, because male associated pursuits and hobbies are viewed as more worthwhile and important then pastimes associated with girls which are viewed as shallow and pointless.

SinglePringle · 20/03/2014 07:06

Mybaby1Day, you say 'boys definitely don't wear dresses' but you may be incorrect. Grayson Perry wears a frock (extremely well) and think he's still a male of the species.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 20/03/2014 07:24

Tbh if he had a princess dress up dress on I wouldn't bat an eye.

Put him in your average party dress and I would think you had misplaced your marbles.

thegreylady · 20/03/2014 07:34

I don't really think he wants a dress himself though. I think he is a bit jealous of all the gifts and attention given to the baby and wants them for himself. I would take him to a shop and show him boys and girls outfits and let him choose. Atm he may be confusing the focus on the new baby with a sense that girls are more valued. If he wants a dress in a year, when he has got used to her I'd get it. I have an old photo of my two stepsons wearing their sister's dresses because she had complained that she had two brothers and no sister. They are aged 4, 6 and 7 but it was a one off.

Delphiniumsblue · 20/03/2014 07:35

At 3 years of age they get my choice, or possibly a very narrow range as in 'would you like this or this' , and a dress for a boy would not be my choice. I wouldn't choose dungarees for either sex, too difficult for the toilet at 3 yrs. I wouldn't choose lots of frills etc for a girl.
A dressing up box would be there to cater for the imaginative play.

dylsmimi · 20/03/2014 07:55

Hi op
i am not getting into the big should boys have dresses debate that has been going on

are you sure he really wants a dress. Could it just be that he wants some of what the new baby has? Attention and most likely presents?
as you already have a boy people will buy a dress and they are cute when tiny so get lots of oohhs and ahhhs. Could that be why he wants a dress?
maybe ask a little bit closer to his birthday what he would like?

fwiw my ds would often say 'i would like one of those' about most adverts but i didn't go out and buyhim the purple cillit bang plane!! :)

natwebb79 · 20/03/2014 08:04

5madthings - your son looks adroable! My 2 year old DS always goes for the pink princess dress over the other outifits in the dressing up box. Let's face it, the 'boyish' dressing up outfits are dull as dish water compared to the spangly girly stuff. I know what I'd choose. Buy the boy a frock and sod em.

SackAndCrack · 20/03/2014 08:20

My son is 3 in May.

If he wanted a dress, Id buy him a dress.

YANBU.

minouminou · 20/03/2014 08:39

We've got photographic evidence of a boy wearing a dress, MyBaby.

I also have this evidence.
Grayson Perry, Eddie Izzard, Kurt Cobain...etc etc...

You might not like the idea of boys wearing dresses, and you might not like the idea of your boy wearing a dress, but that doesn't mean it's proscribed for everyone else.

Fecklessdizzy · 20/03/2014 09:09

@Mybaby Check your history ... Romans, Spartans, Highlanders etc. all definitely men and not a trouser between 'em!

Even David Beckham wears a sarong!

flipchart · 20/03/2014 09:37

even David Beckham wears a sarong

You mean he wore one. A few years back and hasn't been allowed to live it down since.

Have you not seen the trailer for sport relief with DB and fools and horses.
The reaction from Del Boy and Rodney was a typical reaction from Joe Average in my neck of the woods!

TheBody · 20/03/2014 09:40

I sometimes wonder where mumsnetters actually live really.

I would love to live in this bubble of total tolerance and understanding but I really don't.

Writerwannabe83 · 20/03/2014 09:45

I would love to live in this bubble of total tolerance and understanding but I really don't

I'm having a baby boy tomorrow and my nan has been happily knitting away for months. She bought the clothes round last night and one outfit is blue and white stripes - everyone knows we are having a boy - but she has also knitted pink flowers into the design (not sure why). DH has already said baby isn't wearing it

I hope my nan isn't planning on knitting any dresses over the coming years but I think I'll have to spell it out for her...

Cleanandclothed · 20/03/2014 09:46

My Ds, 5, has a dressing up dress (at his request). What I would also recommend for dressing up are 'play silks' or similar - large pieces of silk or similar material that can be used for skirts, headdresses, rivers, roads, hills, bandages, blankets, etc etc when playing.

flipchart · 20/03/2014 09:47

I guess I'm grateful that my lads hated dressing up when they were little so I didn't have this dilemma!

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