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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel guilty about leaving DH on his own for Easter?

42 replies

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 21:50

Making plans for Easter weekend to go and visit a very dear friend and her family in Germany. I can't tell if I am being a total bitch or just.... pragmatic.

It is just so much easier and cheaper if it's just me and the DDs - friend has no partner, we have known each other for decades, she has a small house and 3 DS's, we would probably also stay with her parents for one night, DH is a very big man with a very large presence..... and he doesn't speak much German....

He doesn't really want to come. So he says. He says he quite looks forward to the thought of a whole quiet weekend to himself. Plus I don't really want him to come. I would end up babysitting him and worrying about him and translating not to mention the cost of the plane ticket.

But I can't help feeling like IABU for deserting him on a traditional family occasion like Easter? AIBU?

OP posts:
ferrar · 18/03/2014 21:52

The last thing I read on here about him by you, was that you were not getting on with him? Or had had a row with him?
Is that why you are feeling guilty or are confused about the trip?

Salmotrutta · 18/03/2014 21:54

We've never really been that bothered about Easter apart from the pagan egg-rolling bit when the kids were small.

I'm sure he'll survive and bravely manage to cope getting the remote all to himself and surviving on beer and curry

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 21:55

Wow good memory ferrar!

Things have been a lot better between us recently. Funny because life has thrown us a few little curve balls - or maybe those have brought us closer again, I don't know.

I wouldn't be as accommodating if he wanted to take the DDs off for a long weekend without me, I know that.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 21:57

Salmo that is what I am hoping. That is what he says although I hardly ever get the remote

I don't feel guilty.... I do feel like a bit of a bitch for not feeling guilty.

OP posts:
ferrar · 18/03/2014 21:59

imo, couples spending a bit of time apart is a good thing.
Presumably if he doesnt like it this time, he will tell you in plenty of time for the next!

Salmotrutta · 18/03/2014 21:59

Don't feel guilty - you'll have fun, he'll enjoy the quiet and getting it all his own way for a few days! Grin

MoreBeta · 18/03/2014 22:02

HE'LL BE FINE!

Honestly, its great being a bloke on your own for a bit. He can do bloke stuff for two whole days, then rush round the house for a couple of hours tidying and bunging the washer on before you get home.

Honestly, you will never need to know what he has been up to. Grin

teacher123 · 18/03/2014 22:07

DH is working Easter weekend so DS and I are going to stay with my parents for a few days. He'll be a bit lonely, but he's out the house 14 hours a day-he'll survive!

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 22:11

Aah MoreBeta great to hear from a bloke. Thanks

He looked really furtive when I brought it up earlier. I actually said "how would you feel about not going" and I think i saw a flash of sheer joy for a nanosecond at being let off the hook Grin

Wine, burgers, porn and falling asleep in front of the telly.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 22:11

In that order.

I bet you he doesn't even leave the house for three days.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 22:13

Ugh teacher I feel for people who have to work on bank holidays / family weekends. Fourteen hours a day! What does he do? Or does that include a long commute?

OP posts:
teacher123 · 18/03/2014 22:28

A 12 hour shift and an hours commute each way... I am not being at home on my own with a mad toddler on a bank holiday weekend when everyone else is busy if I can possibly help it!!

teacher123 · 18/03/2014 22:29

He works in transport logistics (trains)

MoreBeta · 18/03/2014 22:35

"I think i saw a flash of sheer joy for a nanosecond at being let off the hook"

Oh dear, he nearly blew it there!

The trick is to try and look a bit sad and then sort of in a bit of a 'martyred' voice say 'Oh I'll be fine, you go and have a nice time.'

Seriously, if he can manage to generate a small stack of neatly ironed clothes for when you get back (done while balancing a can of beer on the end of the ironing board of course) he could be milking this one for ages. Grin

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 22:38

MoreBeta I like your style Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 22:40

Taking out the dozens of empty cans and bottles recycling would last him well too

OP posts:
Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 18/03/2014 22:41

I am not being at home on my own with a mad toddler on a bank holiday weekend when everyone else is busy if I can possibly help it!!

Amen to that!

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DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 18/03/2014 23:17

If he's anything like me when DW went off for a long weekend, he will tidy the house first. Safety before everything.

Then: TV in underpants! Kebabs! Mates round for spag bol, and talking bollocks until 3 am! Three octave farting!

Bit of self-loathing by Monday, but that's lapsed Catholicism for you.

MoreBeta · 19/03/2014 09:54

Disgrace - "..tidy the house first. Safety before everything".

You do that too?

My thinking is get the house tidy then live in one room which is your 'man cave' to keep the rest of the house tidy. No sense in doing it twice. Then get some handy hand to mouth comestibles delivered by truck from Sainsbury so you don't have to use the kitchen and you are all set.

Then just before DW gets off the plane a quick swish round the man cave, haul the two black sack loads of pizza boxes and beer cans out to the bin. Open windows to let some air in and then go and have a shower, clean that while still in it, quick squirt of bleach down loo and maybe have the ironing board still set up for when she gets home.

Interflora deliver flowers if you really cant get out to the garage to buy some - dump in vase with water. Job done.

Its the outcome not the process of getting there that counts. Grin

Bonsoir · 19/03/2014 09:56

MoreBeta - ha ha ha, I know that's what goes on but I love a man actually publishing this on the internet Grin

Original poster
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/03/2014 13:21

You lot. Honestly. Grin

Sharing all your secrets - I agree with Bonsoir - I mean I know it happens but to see it in black and white on the screen... Grin

Disgrace - lol at Three octave farting.

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/03/2014 14:27

MoreBeta

I am highfiving you on the Interwebs.

MoreBeta · 19/03/2014 15:49

If DW ever decides to come on MN I am so in trouble. Confused

magimedi · 19/03/2014 16:55

How do you know she isn't here already - More?

I thought there was a lot of extra rubbish the last time I went away Grin

Marylou62 · 19/03/2014 17:02

Oh I love MN! I would have posted this 23 years ago! My parents live 250 miles away and for the last 23 years have spent most half terms, Easter, and 2 weeks in the summer with them with my DCs. Would never have spent Christmas away from him though. My DH was working so only ever came for weddings/christenings etc. If I ever came home a few hours early, there was always a knife/fork/plate/cup that equalled the days I'd been away. Now the kids are older, and working, I still leave him to visit them and I have been on holiday for a week too!