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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want her to come?

176 replies

HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:18

I am married been with hubby over 20 years. He has a female friend he met in work about 7 years ago. We have had a few problems over the years he has always found her a good friend. The friendship has been purely platonic I think. We met up a couple times with her and her husband and we visited her when they had a baby but otherwise I didn't really know her.

Her and her husband split up last year and we started meeting up for coffees and nails and got friendlier though I wouldn't say she was a close friend. She got back with him but they split up again recently.
Last weekend oh was supposed to take me to cinema but then said he was meeting up with her as she was 'lonely'

This weekend we had arranged ages ago to meet up with some old friends of ours (a couple). My hubby invited her and she wants to come! I don't want her too - it's a couples night, she doesn't know our friends and I was looking forward to catching up with them and also want my husband to myself please! Do you think I am unreasonable if I say (nicely) that she can't come?

OP posts:
Cleartheclutter · 17/03/2014 22:24

The friendship has been purely platonic I think

You don't sound too certain Hmm

Original poster
HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:27

We'll I have no evidence to the contrary but you can never KNOW these things can you :)
Anyway AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/03/2014 22:27

At what point did you think they might not be purely platonic?

formerbabe · 17/03/2014 22:28

I am surprised you are not more enraged op.

If my dh cancelled taking me out to spend the evening with another woman, I would go nuts!

phoolani · 17/03/2014 22:29

YANBU. It just doesn't sound like the right kind of night to have her along. No biggie, invite her to some thing else.

TheBody · 17/03/2014 22:30

tell him how you feel. it's not really appropriate as she doesn't know the other couple.i think they will think its strange.

however on mumsnet the consensus is that you may be seen as a jealous wife whose dh has a female friend and so what!

seen threads go that way many a time.

Guitargirl · 17/03/2014 22:30

YANBU. There is a time and a place. I would not be happy about this developing relationship.

SinglePringle · 17/03/2014 22:32

As someone who is single as has been for some time, the use of the term 'couples night' depresses me. Why is it a 'couples night'? What happens at such an event that requires in the exclusion of single people? It's a horrible, horrible term and concept and I'm deeply pleased that none of my good friends who also happen to be married have such an outlook.

That said, you're not unreasonable to want to spend time alone with your husband.

But please, think about what you're saying about single people when you want to have nights that are couples only.

phoebeflangey · 17/03/2014 22:33

YANBU I would also be fuming!! Have you got any nice male friends who are equally depressed Op, that you could also invite along? :)

formerbabe · 17/03/2014 22:37

Her coming along to the 'couples night' is not a massive deal IMO.

Your dh cancelling taking you to the cinema to spend time with her because she is lonely is unbelievable to me!

Am I the only one who would have packed his bags there and then?!

Jellypoppingcandy · 17/03/2014 22:38

Been there. She is after your hubby. He needs a reality sandwich - sorry! He must desist from this friendship.

deakymom · 17/03/2014 22:39

formerbabe your not the only one who would pack his bags

can you not invite a single male along to keep her company see what you oh reaction to that might be?

Original poster
HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:39

Lol former babe :) He did offer to take me the following night but something came up and we just ended up watching a DVD

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:41

Hmm I don't think she is after my hubby as she is keen to spend time with both of us, she's always asking if I fancy a girly night out! I haven't got time!

OP posts:
GingerMaman · 17/03/2014 22:42

You both need to be really careful. Too much interaction outside of work will probably eventually lead to something ...

formerbabe · 17/03/2014 22:44

I had a huge row in a restaurant once because my dh texted our mutual (but more his) female friend. I was fuming that he had texted her on our night out! Why do you not sound very angry?

AlansLeftMoob · 17/03/2014 22:44

Why did he invite her?

Original poster
HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:45

Unfortunately I do not know any single guys....

OP posts:
TheBody · 17/03/2014 22:45

get her internet dating. it's been great for some single friends of mine.

NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 22:47

I wouldn't be happy, but then I'd try to think what I'd be like if it was a male friend and then I'd think I was being unfair so it's difficult! Maybe this is a good chance for you to get to know her?

Original poster
HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:47

How he came to invite her is that he was telling her what we were up to on the weekend and thought that she may like to go. We are all going to a comedy club

OP posts:
Original poster
HeyMaybeBaby · 17/03/2014 22:49

I mentioned internet dating to her she says it's too soon just wants to spend time with 'friends'. I don't dislike her but wish she'd get her own life!

OP posts:
Cleartheclutter · 17/03/2014 22:50

Hmm I don't think she is after my hubby

Last weekend oh was supposed to take me to cinema but then said he was meeting up with her as she was 'lonely'

Very odd...

CooCooCachoo · 17/03/2014 22:55

I think a comedy club is ok, it's not quite an intimate dinner for two couples. There is other stuff going on that means she won't really feel the lack of connection with the other couple. I don't think that would be awkward at all.

We often have more couple orientated evenings where we just have dinner and chat and I would find that awkward

CoffeeTea103 · 17/03/2014 22:58

Sorry him canceling on you to keep her company is totally inappropriate. It was also very disrespectful for your DH to invite her along without even letting you know.
Perhaps he sees yourll going for coffee, doing your nails , etc as yourll being good friends and that's why he thinks nothing of it. But then again if yourll are good friends why would she not ask you to come along too to keep her company?
Something's up here.