Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

a better offer?

53 replies

Catnuzzle · 17/03/2014 20:13

I have asked a friend and her DS if they would like to join me, my DDs, another friend and her DD for a day out during the easter hols.
Is it unreasonable to expect them to check the calendar and commit one way or the other? A response of 'can I let u know nearer the time?' smacks of 'i might get a better offer in between now and then, which, quite frankly, is rather disrespectful.
AIBU?

OP posts:

TheBody · 17/03/2014 20:17

might be cost? for me that would be an issue depending in where you were going. she might not want to admit it.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:19

I would feel the same and be a bit miffed Cat.

NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 20:19

I have to say this because sometimes things come up or I've not enough money. I've never thought it disrespectful and I hope my friend's didn't think so. It's never been because of another offer.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:20

Did you phone? would the calendar have been to hand?

craftynclothy · 17/03/2014 20:21

When I say that it usually means I'm waiting to hear if family are visiting or when is convenient for us to visit them.

But I get what you mean. I'd usually expand on it as above.

NiaceGuidelines · 17/03/2014 20:22

For goodness sake, the easter holidays are weeks and weeks away! Youve not invited her on a bloody long weekend or a holiday, its a day out. Get a grip! Are you always this uptight?

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:23

Niace are you always this arsey?

Only1scoop · 17/03/2014 20:25

Maybe they are possibly going away. It's ages yet....
I'd just assume they won't be joining you.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 20:27

Nothing wrong with wanting to make arrangements in advance is there?

Original poster

Catnuzzle · 17/03/2014 20:28

Sparkling I sent a text. Took 24 hrs to get a response.

Naice Did you mean to be so rude? I asked if I was BU. Did you consider this might be a pattern of behaviour rather than a one off?

I hadn't considered finances, althouugh I don't think this is an issue and the day out is local, with a picnic and not very expensive, but I suppose it could be.

Thanks for the helpful comments.

OP posts:

NiaceGuidelines · 17/03/2014 20:28

sparkling It's exactly the sort of thing i'd say. 'can i get back to you?'. I'd be happy for my friends to say the same. I dont think it's unreasonable.

I'm having a bad week.

kerala · 17/03/2014 20:35

I wouldn't leap to negative conclusions (and I can over think stuff like this). I would assume she was waiting on other things not necessarily "better offer" but variables like maybe her partner will be taking a day off work and its not approved yet or maybe she may go and stay with her parents if auntie Edna hasn't taken a turn or the worse etc

NiaceGuidelines · 17/03/2014 20:40

Did you consider this might be a pattern of behaviour rather than a one off?

Is not replying to texts immediately and asking to get back to people later with a decision a 'pattern of behaviour' ?

Gosh. I think i need to take a look at myself!

HarrietSchulenberg · 17/03/2014 20:41

I wouldn't want to commit to a day this early. I'd rather wait till the week before. I hate being tied down and having everything planned weeks in advance.
It does sound like a nice day out, though, so I would def want to go.

CoffeeTea103 · 17/03/2014 20:46

You seem like hard work if this is the conclusion you come up with about your friend.
I very often give that response, I check with DH if we don't have anything planned. So yabu.

Original poster

Catnuzzle · 17/03/2014 20:48

Harriet your welcome to join us!

I like to plan ahead and know that I have stuff to look forward to and as I work and don't have a lot a free time to be able to do this sort thing.

I'm probably overthinking it. Thanks all.

OP posts:

NearTheWindymill · 17/03/2014 20:53

I agree with the OP. If someone asks me to do something and if I've something half arranged already I usually say "I'm just waiting to hear from x but is it alright if I let you know next Wednesday". If it is that's fine - if tickets are to be bought then I say I'm sorry but I can't commit.

littlebluedog12 · 17/03/2014 20:53

It could be anything... tbh I've vaguely agreed to a few things over the easter hols, including playdates, family staying over and days out. No firm dates set though. If it's not something you need to book tickets for I don't see the problem.

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 21:01

I hate last minute arrangements-much prefer to have stuff organised. Seems I am in the minority. The 'tied down' bit is so sad. Tied down to a lovely day out and picnic with a friend?

Rabbitcar · 17/03/2014 22:22

I agree it's rude, OP. Of course it's fine to check arrangements with DP etc and then reply, but not this 'I might get a better offer' approach.

NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 22:26

How is it a 'might get a better offer' approach?

Stars66 · 17/03/2014 22:30

I love having things booked up ahead, I know which days I work, which I have available to meet friends and which days dd does swimming lessons. So no, YANBU to expect a date or a reason for not committing. Although I have been known to take a day to reply to a text as calendar is in other room and then I forget am too busy nosing on MN

NurseyWursey · 17/03/2014 22:31

I often have to say this too because of my depression, sometimes I can't commit to things because I don't know how I'm going to feel. And I don't like to commit and then have to let people down and them be angry at me..

Sparklingbrook · 17/03/2014 22:32

If they are true friends if you explain that to them they should understand NW.

TheBody · 17/03/2014 22:35

I think it depends on the friend tbf.

if she has key down form then don't expect much but if she's generally nice then sure it's just checking family stuff.

I had a friend like this who seemed rude, turned out her dh who we all thought was nice was a violent controlling arse who she had to beg to let her out.

we had no idea at the time. you never know really.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread