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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 09:56

He sounds keen (and nice) but you need to chill the fuck out OP. Seriously.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 09:57

Daisy - I like double sets of doors for those occasions: hold first door open for rude person who doesn't say thank you; let the next one close in their face instead of holding it open.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 09:57

Thanks wowfudge!! Grin

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 09:58

You've already been buying him coffees? There's one born every minute!

Stop buying shit for strangers.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 16/03/2014 09:58

Are you sure you too thinks it's a date... ShockWink

Impatientismymiddlename · 16/03/2014 09:58

He asked you to get he 'grub' on a cinema date and you want to write him off because of that?
Being expected to get a bag of popcorn and perhaps some nachos is a reason to think badly of a man even though he has paid for the tickets?

Would it have been okay if he had said 'I've booked the tickets, will you sort out the popcorn and nachos'? Is it the word 'grub' that you find offensive? Grub just means food in my region.
Or are you offended that he expects you to split the cost of the date? Because if that is the case then you need to realise that it's the year 2014 and it could be part of the reason why you haven't had a date in six years.....

daisychain01 · 16/03/2014 10:00

Domestic you sound like me - re the money side of things. Its just nice when the bloke "deals with it" so you can get on with the nice bit of going on the date and not shuffling money around worrying about who pays for what etc. All that going Dutch stuff kinda spoils the atmosphere.

He sounds like a nice guy texting to say hi. I hope you enjoy the movie and just how things go.

If he does turn out to be 'unattractively stingy' you can deal with it at a future time.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 10:01

She has already said the word grub doesn't bother her.

LizCurly · 16/03/2014 10:01

Was it last night? How'd it go?
Two cinema tickets a lot less than a meal. Hope he redeemed himself somehow

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 10:02

This is the thread that keeps on giving - the OP couldn't give a monkeys about the word grub and is texting him to clarify!

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 10:02

Impatient I think I've explained myself fairly well above. The word grub is the norm here, no issue with that. I've no issue with paying my way but I do find it unsettling that he is already deciding who pays for what for a date that's not happening until Tuesday evening!

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 16/03/2014 10:03

wowfudge yy re double doors Grin

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 10:04

Sleepy - will you pass me the ice pack when you've done with it please? Think I need a stiff drink too.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 10:06

If he texts back with something like The Homemade Burger Co. or Prezzo you'll know you're onto yet another tight arse, but then, you have already been treating this guy.

If you don't want to attract tight arses then stop getting out your purse or this, 'I'll get that,' business.

Sorry, but back in the day, I never bought my own drink.

LizCurly · 16/03/2014 10:06

Ah. Not til tuesday.

I'd go, but as others have said, it does take the gloss off the invitation.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 10:07

And yeah, he's already deciding, why the hell waste your time? He's also picking the cheaper option if he means dinner in a restaurant. That's not 'lovely', that's cheap.

formerbabe · 16/03/2014 10:09

The rules...IMO

First date: Man pays for everything. Woman offers...man says he will cover it.

Always this...always.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 10:10
Wine

You said it, this is the thread that keeps on giving.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 10:11

OMG - buying a male person a coffee sets the wrong tone for the relationship. Sleepy - pass the damn ice pack quickly!

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 10:11

It totally takes the gloss off for me. I'll never forget one thing that cast a big black cloud over the honeymoon period with my ex, I got a taxi back to his after a night out and he paid because I had no money on me. It cost about a tenner. The next week we were having a bottle of wine in and I said I'd get it on the way down and he said no I'll get it, Oh wait sure you still owe me for the taxi" aghhh!!

OP posts:
LizCurly · 16/03/2014 10:12

Expat, you havent been single for ages. You were " young" when u were last single! ?
So many men and divorced men so determined not to be screwed "again" that they start out like this and then become a bit more generous. I had to break it off with one man who altho genetous to ME seemed to believe his wife did not deserve a portion of his pension even tho she had done all the childcare. Anyway... he was like that with othercwomen he'd dated, not me, becaused id walked away from my x with nothing, so ME, he could treat! But yeh, bizarre attitudes to money are so common :-(

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 10:12

X post - thanks for that Sleepy, just in the nick of time. Now brandy or whisky?

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 10:12

No 'rules', you ask someone out, you pay for it.

Offer? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

'I'd still go . . .' Like I said, there's one born every minute.

OhMerGerd · 16/03/2014 10:13

It's a quick trip to the cinema not a walk up the aisle in a big white dress.
Just Text back ..'Fab! Popcorn and pick-n-mix on me :)' And go and enjoy the film.

If he's an idiot think of it this way... you say you fancy him so at least you're out with a good looking idiot for the night ... and you never have to accept an invitation from him again if you don't want to.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 10:14

Liz, if I were single tomorrow I'd be the same. I was in my 30 s when single, yes.