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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 16/03/2014 16:40

If someone asked me to go somewhere I don't automatically assume they're going to pay.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 16:41

Jesus wept! 'I'll book the tickets, you buy the popcorn' is perfectly reasonable expat.

CorusKate · 16/03/2014 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 16:42

Somersetlady, I was talking to one guy on a dating site who was moaning that he'd had four dates the previous week - and four shags, btw - and he'd had to pay a few hundred pounds in total. He wasn't telling any of them he was seeing anyone else and to guarantee the shag he was "treating them like princesses" as the vile saying goes.

I had to explain that shagging three more women after you've shagged the first one and then phoning to see the first one again, wasn't exactly most women's idea of how princesses were treated.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 16:43

wowfudge, but why mention the popcorn? The guy is setting her straight before they've even gone out.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 16:43

You ask someone out on a first date, you pay for it, male or female. Nothing to do with gender, it's a FIRST DATE.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 16:44

I can see why a woman might be concerned about a first date's bills (as in, oh he's just bought a house/car or has sixteen children, so he'll be skint) but when those bills are paying for other women's meals, I can't see why she should be too concerned.

fascicle · 16/03/2014 16:45

So expat, dates aside, do you always pay all expenses if you invite someone to go somewhere with you?

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 16:46

To you it is, wow, to me and others, it's a bit studenty and dictating to someone what they will by for on a FIRST DATE they invited you to is off-putting and a dealbreaker for more than a few.

It's a matter of opinion and the OP,and others, find it off-putting.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 16:47

Imperial - too much is being read into that and so flaming what? It's only a bit of bloody popcorn. It's not 'I'll book the cinema tickets, you pay for a three course dinner in Le Local Restaurant afterwards' is it?

Caitlin17 · 16/03/2014 16:49

I wouldn't expect him to pay for my ticket. I'd prefer to pay my own.

Surely there's no need to book cinema tickets for mainstream current cinema screenings. You just turn up and buy. It's not a one-off showing or a live NTL/Royal Ballet type screening.

We'll be all agog for reports back.

I do like Julianne Moore although haven't seen that film. It looks a safe bet for a first date. The last film I saw was Only Lovers Left Alive with husband which I then saw again on my own without the distraction of husband.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 16:49

But it's about dates, fascicle, that is what this thread is about, a first date.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 16:49

So why would he bother mentioning it then?

CorusKate · 16/03/2014 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 16:51

She bought him a coffee.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 16:51

He's probably using some discount codes, Caitlin, so need to book in advance Wink.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 16:52

Well then expat you are all reading far too much into it in my opinion. 'Studenty and dictating' give me strength.

ShatnersBassoon · 16/03/2014 16:52

I think it's the 'setting his stall out' that seems unusual. It's like he's not willing to gamble the value of a popcorn combo (WTF?) on the date by making sure that's part of the deal. It seems a bit unfriendly.

Just don't forget your purse on Tuesday, op Shock Grin

Somersetlady · 16/03/2014 16:53

I don't get it, expat. Surely by that logic, a woman who refuses to dig in her purse for a tub of popcorn when she's being paid for into the cinema is not worth wasting time on either?

This^^

Also expat having had it explained to me by my arsehole mates that dating is very different now and it's the norm to multiple date (like it has been in the US for years) with the advent of dating sites and dating aps such as tinder. Why are they arseholes when their experience is some women want to go on a date and have everything paid for when they may never see them again. Would you treat a stranger (man or woman) to an evening out and not expect them to go dutch. What about if it was a colleague or someone platonic? Same scenario just without the possibility of it becoming sexual.........

imperial that says more about the women than it does about the man. Putting out just because someone 'treats you like a princess' is akin to being an escort only you get fancy pants dinners and dating experiences instead of cold hard cash!?

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 16:54

Caitlin - if you don't book round our way, you'll be lucky to get to watch something you want to see.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 16:57

Yes, I agree with you, Somersetlady. However, this guy (who was very attractive and eligible) said that actually he very rarely saw the same person more than a couple of times - he found that every single woman he dated was willing to sleep with him and that was all he was after.

He did get pissed off when I wouldn't see him. Grin

fascicle · 16/03/2014 16:58

expat
But it's about dates, fascicle, that is what this thread is about, a first date.

Why are dates different to any other outing involving people and money?

Somersetlady · 16/03/2014 17:02

And whilst we are here will someone please explain to me what a popcorn combo actually is? popcorn to share i imagine?

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 17:04

fascicle I'm with you, but apparently there's a bizarre, near-early Victorian double standard in operation when it comes to the date and paying for it. You'll save yourself much pain (not to mention many hours) just accepting this weird concept.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 17:05

Somerset it's not something you'll be getting if Caitlin has her way! I'm guessing it's popcorn, possibly with a side of nachos, and a drink. But I don't know.