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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 16/03/2014 14:37

Haven't read the whole thread but I would also be put off op. Surely if you went to the cinema you would have offered something to pay, there wasn't a need to let you know straight up.
Also I think him saying grub puts me off too.

YouTheCat · 16/03/2014 14:40

Maybe he has been hoodwinked by unscrupulous women before and ended up paying all the time?

Maybe he's just establishing the fact that he likes the OP's independence?

If you over analyse every single thing you will end up single for a long time. Sometimes people so and say things without any agenda at all. Sometimes people are just trying to be friendly and are a bit nervous.

Go with the flow. See what happens. And don't expect the moon on a stick.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 14:42

He's not going with the flow, he's right away saying, 'You will pay for this.'

YouTheCat · 16/03/2014 14:45

So?

Sovaysovay · 16/03/2014 14:48

I wouldn't date a man who said 'grub' either. Total dealbreaker.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 14:49

So why should she 'go with the flow' when he's putting in parameters?

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 14:51

Have to say 'grub' would be a dealbreaker for me, too, but the OP says it's a term used where they live, so it doesn't bother her.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 15:50

Good God - we have been going round in circles all day with this one. Okay so the OP has clarified that what Dateman meant was, 'I'll book the tickets, you buy the popcorn'. And to some of you, this is a deal breaker, signifies he is mean with money, can't be trusted and so on and so on, repeat ad infinitum. WTH?!

Has your DH coughed up the tenner yet Impatient? If Caitlin won't let me have a hotdog, we'll just go to the pictures without her. She probably won't consult us on what we go to see anyway. If Domestic decides Dateman has other faults as well as wanting a popcorn combo and texting some photos of himself and calls off the date, then she and Caitlin can go together and sneer at the popcorn crunchers. Sorted.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 15:57

I just got a big troll message pop up on my screen :(
What does that mean? I promise I'm not a troll, I've changed names a few times because I've said some personal things but I'm absolutely not a troll?!

OP posts:
Smilesandpiles · 16/03/2014 16:02

What's a troll message?

Caitlin17 · 16/03/2014 16:04

I hope you're not a troll. I want to hear how the date goes.

What picture are you going to?

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 16:05

I tried to click onto this thread and a big message popped up saying what trolls are and how not everybody is who they say they, not to invest too much into stories that might not be real. I'm paraphrasing but that was the jist. Maybe just a technical thing but I promise if I was to troll I'd try to do better than a popcorn combo drama!

OP posts:
Smilesandpiles · 16/03/2014 16:06

Ooh, I've never heard of that before.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 16:09

Going to see Non Stop Caitlin and thanks I hope so too!!

I really just wish we were going for a few drinks now instead though, I'm not crazy about the cinema at the best of times!

OP posts:
wowfudge · 16/03/2014 16:22

Maybe you clicked on the 'troll-hunting' link towards the top of the page by accident Domestic? 'Popcorn combo drama' - I like it Smile.

VoyageDeVerity · 16/03/2014 16:24

I cannot believe he gave you a disclaimer about who is buying what so much in advance of a date HE bloody suggested. What a cheek!

I would expect in a cinema date I was asked on by a guy to show up, have the tickets booked and paid for by him them
Stroll along to the snaking but whilst chatting etc and order snacks, vaguely offer to get this maybe ( as a test) and expect to be told no not at all.

This is cinema and some Maltesers ffs not dinner at la gavroche! And if I was asked to le gavroche on a date I would bloody well expect whomever asked me to pay!

Have all of you who foot the bill for everything actually got partners or freeloaders?

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 16:27

Whoops wow, it would seem that's exactly what I did Grin

OP posts:
Somersetlady · 16/03/2014 16:30

Right time for some male perspective! Just in from lunch with friends of the 4 males (age range 28-34 all earning 1 married 1 engaged and 2 single) the general consensus was that if dateman is actively dating this may not be his only date this week and that if he is going on 2 or 3 dates and expected to pay for everything at each then the bills stack up. They also said it would ensure that dateman wasn't left footing the bill for someone he may never see again which was one of their experiences

So theres a new perspective for us I haven't seen considered above.........

NurseyWursey · 16/03/2014 16:32

Maybe he actually really likes the OP and is a bit skint? Nothing wrong with that.

Some women on here are shocking btw, what year are we in again?

Although it does remind me of a 'date' I went on with a fella I'd met. Film hadn't come on yet, he asked me did I want a drink. I said 'oh yeah, let me give you some money' said refused saying it was fine, which I thought was lovely. He came back with a small bottle of fanta for us to share. :/ I just wish he'd have taken the money.

CorusKate · 16/03/2014 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fascicle · 16/03/2014 16:34

Voyage
Have all of you who foot the bill for everything actually got partners or freeloaders?

So, just to clarify, in the hypothetical situation you outline in your post, you would be the 'freeloader', because you expect/hope that the man would pay for everything?

NurseyWursey · 16/03/2014 16:36

Exactly corus I thought if I'm swapping saliva with you mate it'll be by choice not through being thirsty

I didn't swap saliva at all btw.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 16:38

His bills are not her problem. He asked her to go. And someone who is too cheap to punt for a cinema ticket and a packet of Twix because they may never see them again isn't worth spending time with. Your mates sound like arseholes, Somerset.

Be glad you're not going for drinks, OP, he'd probably expect you to buy in rounds as if you're an old mate.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 16:39

Voyage - 'vaguely offer to get this maybe (as a test) - well aren't you a charmer. Game playing and second-guessing is ridiculous.

CorusKate · 16/03/2014 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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