To be put off by this?

[DomesticDisgrace]

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

I've had a nap. Did I just wake up in 1750?

Well Impatient - I don't know how so many of us have survived, what with the lax, 'I may pay my way' attitude. Precious - you are so sailing close to the wind with that one.

My husband has offered me a tenner for the drinks bill, but I think I need to ensure the 16 years of interest is calculated properly; he might be trying to rip me off by a pence or two

I've just gotten three picture messages off him. One of him with his head through some thing at a wax museum, one of him in a pair of sunglasses and one in his work uniform Why

And I hope you have clearly set out the ground rules for any such expenses from hereon in Impatient? You don't want to be exploited by your DH.

Because it's half time in the football and he's been asking his mates for advice on what to do in order to pave the way for Tuesdays date?

This is understandable overthinking based on past experience, tbh, if I were a manipulative scumbag it's likely I'd be the perfect gent paying for everything until I'd moved in etc. wait and see, if you start hearing misogynistic statements about his mum/ex/sisters etc then run for the hills. See how it goes.

Also you're both young, the pics just sound daft, if they take a turn towards the nude then run! My dh doesn't have the greatest social skills and he's one in a million.

Because he wants photos of you in return

I will be doing wowfudge, I feel totally violated and used. he ripped me off by a whole £7.20; do you think 16 happy years together is worth an investment of £7.20?

domestic - perhaps he just wants you to have some innocent pictures of him, perhaps he actually likes you and wants to share some of his happy moments with you. Maybe he is hoping that you will share a picture of you with him so he can look longingly at it until the big date.
It could have been worse, the pictures could have been nude.
Do you always analyse things to this extent?

I went on this date and the text turned out to mean I was expected to pay for the popcorn and nachos I'd drop him. Not because I was expected to pay for something on a date but I'd never want to date a man who takes popcorn and nachos in to a cinema.

The text sounds a bit infantile actually. If it doesn't mean "and you book a meal" but "you get the snacks" it makes him seem 10 years old.

Caitlin - What do you munch on at the cinema?

It's a crappy text. Not because he should pay, but because he called it "grub". Ugh. As someone said, it's like he's addressing a friend rather than someone he's going on a date with!

Still, you kind of have to make allowances at the start of a relationship and it's hardly a reason not to go on a date with someone. He may redeem himself!

Stop the texting, leave it now, go out with him Tue.

You cannot start to get to know someone through texting.

Oh OP I posted my last post before I read your last post.Is he in fact a teenager?

Hmm - given you've waited so long for payment Impatient, I'd be tempted to LTB.

Domestic - I would seriously think about leaving this thread before all the naysayers on here ruin everything for you before you've even been on the date.

I'm really really trying not to over analyse things but it's tough. Maybe he just hasn't got the best social skills, some of the best people don't, I've found.

Impatient why would I "munch* anything at a cinema? I don't. I'd be completely put off a grown man who did.

He's better off without you. Get thee to a nunnery.

To be fair wowfuge I only presented the bill an hour ago, I think I will give him until teatime to settle the bill before deciding to LTB. He is a bit dim and hadn't realised that I wanted reimbursing, he thought I was a modern woman who didn't mind buying a drink. Our marriage has clearly been built on lies and false impressions.

I'm 26 he's 28. How can somebody come off so different over text than face to face! I'm not replying to the pictures, hate getting into texting anyway!

Caitlin - I love a bag of minstrels, a cup of coffee and some ben and jerrys at the cinema, I'm clearly doomed.

Well Impatient - you reap what your sow. You've only got yourself to blame for getting involved with such a freeloader. He's had 16 years, I wouldn't give him a moment longer. Pack his bags now.

Domestic - it is all too easy to misinterpret texts and emails. Wait until Tuesday and speak to Dateman face-to-face.

I'd never date you! I might take a coffee in but that's it. If this bloke wants buckets of popcorn and smelly nachos it would just make me think he was like one of the teenagers at our local multiplex. And if he isn't actually a teenager, then ugh.

impatient the things you list aren't noisy and smelly and if you bought them because you were actually hungry then I could cope. That's different from a grown man planning snacks for the cinema. That is childish.

Three points from me:

1. I imagine that the idea of men paying for everything on dates is a relic from the time when women didn't go to work so had no money so men had to 'look after' woman.

1. The OP needs to find out what Dateman (like that name) means about organising food. OP might book an Indian restaurant but Dateman can't stand spicy food. Or fish and chips and is allergic to cooking oil.

1. As far as Dateman is concerned, his idea of getting the OP to pay for something might be his way of finding out if she is a tightwad prepared to share.