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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
OhMerGerd · 16/03/2014 10:54

Wowfudge "OhMerGerd - how dare you write such a sensible post! Are you sure you are not incensed that the OP may have to pay her own way, even though we've no idea?"

I'm 30 years into dating the same DP (we never married and we started young so we're still in our 40's, not over the hill or out of touch) but if I got hung up trying to understand his every word, thought or intention we'd have lasted 30 minutes maybe 30 days. I'm also a feminist and believe that no capable adult should be dependant on another financially.

Life is for living which means trying new things new people and places. Some will be duffers, others amazing we live and we learn.

One date with all the excitement of dressing up and doing your hair etc gets the blood pumping and tells you you're alive and able. OP should be doing the lucky girl jig and living that moment to the max. Not worrying about whether he wants her to buy a hotdog or some nachos at the pics fgs.
Why is the shine taken off? If he turns out to be a fool so what? You've not slept with him, married him or had a child with him. He's nothing to do with you. Not your problem. Just another life experience.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 10:56

But Expat - what is wrong with teamwork? To me that reads like 'you book the restaurant'. What the hell is wrong with that? Hopefully the OP would book somewhere she wanted to go. Alternatively she could spend hours agonising over whether booking a table at Prezzo will make her look tight and do real men like pasta, etc, etc.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 16/03/2014 10:56

Amazing post OhMerGod you're so right!

OP posts:
wowfudge · 16/03/2014 10:57

Exactly OhMerGerd - well said. You were one of the few sensible posters on this thread.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 10:58

Teamwork's what you do at work, not a first date. Ugggh.

Serious, OP, you have to update us! Wink

MrsBungle · 16/03/2014 10:58

Expat - you're a cynical old soul!!! Well, if dh did forget his wallet on purpose that night (highly unlikely - he's the opposite of tight) it's back-fired on him spectacularly! I've been spending his money for years!

MrsBungle · 16/03/2014 10:59

Ohmergord - the voice of reason!

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 11:00

When dating, would always do a gelato or coffe thing first, just to see if I were on to a duffer.

Impatientismymiddlename · 16/03/2014 11:00

OMG- I have just realised that I bought two rounds of drinks on my first date with my husband, so based on the standards of some posters I need to rethink the last 16 years and file for divorce. He asked me out so he should have paid for the meal and all of the drinks. How could I have been so naieve and stupid? How did I end up with such an unglossy tightfisted husband. the fact that he is the most generous and loving man I have ever met is completely irrelevant.
Damn him, I need to type up an invoice for those drinks and if he refuses to pay then I need to start divorce proceedings, after all he asked me out on that first date.
.

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/03/2014 11:01

Love how its the man thats tight and should be avoided yet the women is seen as wanting to be romanced by not paying. Double standards are so rife.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 11:03

No double standards here. Person asks other person out, askee stumps up, regardless of gender.

But since you're going, have fun. If your skinflint alert goes off, get to the nearest McDonalds or Subway.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2014 11:04

Although, whilst watching the C4 show 'Strippers', I did see a guy fondle the woman who was lap dancing for him, which he could have been ejected for, and then suggest she buy him a drink. Now that's pretty low.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 11:11

Yeah - Impatient, Mr Impatient's days are numbered I'd say. Oh and naice girls should always ensure they have a chaperone when meeting a stranger for a date.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 11:12

Just spat my third shot out: how in hell's name did we get from a first date to a strip club??!

LividofLondon · 16/03/2014 11:20

"I do find it unsettling that he is already deciding who pays for what for a date that's not happening until Tuesday evening!"

Domestic maybe he's nervous and wants sort this out before the date to avoid that awkward "I'll get this", "No, I'll get it" BS that goes backwards and forwards. Also, he's not your ex, so try to wipe the slate clean, treat him as an individual and go on the date with an open mind. You'll find out soon enough if the two of you are incompatible or not. At the risk of sounding cliched, try and relax, and not overanalyse (as that way madness lies!). I see no reason for his text to be off putting apart from the slight ambiguity (but then text is often a crap form of communicating IMHO), sorry. Hope you have fun on Tuesday Smile

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 11:23

I don't know what he means by "Can you look after the grub?"

If he was taking you on a day trip somewhere, I'd assume he was asking you to pack a picnic, but to see a film?

I'd be tempted to take a picnic basket with plastic glasses and a bottle of wine and some barbecued chicken legs. Oh and a head torch so that you can see in the dark.

formerbabe · 16/03/2014 11:23

I think the text was crappy. Its like he is really thinking about who pays what which is tight and petty.

Be a man, and buy her dinner ffs!

Somersetlady · 16/03/2014 11:23

impatient your relationship is so doomed or must be so bad as you are indeed married to such a tightwad!

I booked a flight to go out for dinner with my DH on first date do you think i could get reimbursed for that?? I should have made him pay in tHe first place if i had any sense after all he did ask if I would like to go for dinner with him so it seems reasonable i should expect him to pick up the bill for the whole kit and caboodle.........

Aeroflotgirl · 16/03/2014 11:24

My goidness the poor bloke made a bit of a mistake with his text, give him a chance, and switch that antenna off!

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 11:24

I'm going for a lie down.......

Somersetlady · 16/03/2014 11:24

Yes formerbabe be a man and buy her dinner - women are incapable of purchasing a meal!

Impatientismymiddlename · 16/03/2014 11:26

Wowfudge - I'm not a naice girl I'm afraid as not only did buy some drinks but I didn't have a chaperone on the first date either Sad.
I don't think my many years of marriage counts for anything now that I am aware I got all the rules of first dates totally wrong. Mr Impatient is now waiting impatiently for the bill for those drinks to see if he can save our marriage. I'm calculating that he owes me around £7.20 with 16 years of interest....

Preciousbane · 16/03/2014 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Impatientismymiddlename · 16/03/2014 11:32

Somerset - you need to request reimbursement or you can just join me in the 'doomed women who don't understand first date payment rules, but are happily married club' Grin.

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2014 11:47

Why did you insist on paying for that first day, PreciousBane?