To be very upset about how these women treat me?

[veryboringnamechange]

I've namechanged, and I apologise in advance if this sounds very childish, but it is something that upsets me a lot.

I met a group of women at NCT classes when I had my youngest child, who is now nearly 5. We have all kept in touch and meet up regularly. I just can't help but feel that none of them really like me though, and it's due, in part to the dreaded FB.

Firstly, when we meet up none of them seem very interested in me. I can't remember the last time that one of them asked me anything about myself. They all seem to have bonded very well and all really like each other, but I feel that they invite me to things but don't want me there.

Also on Facebook, they comment all the time on each others' statuses and photos, and very very rarely comment on anything of mine, even though I like and comment on their stuff all the time. Only one of them wished my DS a happy birthday last year, even though they gushed over each others' children on their birthdays.

I also feel that sometimes they are all a bit cold with me. For example if I reply to one of their facebook statuses they are abrupt with me when they reply to me, and are much warmer to each other. Or if I'm chatting with them on a night out they all seem distracted and like they don't want to speak to me. We all went for a meal about a month ago and then for a drink. We walked from the restaurant to the pub, and every time I walked next to one of them they would move away from me and go and join another person so I was just left alone (and I definitely don't smell btw).

I know it all sounds pathetic. And I do have lots of other friends, so I can't be an unlikeable horrible person. I know I really need to just stop bothering with them all don't I?

Its not you its them - they bonded by leaving you out. NCT is just the start (not that it sounds that you need more friends anyway). I moved when DD1 was 18 months and left all my NCT group behind. Moved to a new city and met like minded people at playgroups and then a few at school. Realised that I so much prefer the people I have met since leaving London they are much more "me" rather than alpha women with top city jobs who make their own fish fingers.

Yaaaawwwn. Yet another set of NCT-bashing remarks. Because it's perfectly rational to make sweeping generalisations about a fairly diverse group of people who happen to have paid a year's subs to a parenting charity, isn't it?

FWIW, I've rarely (I won't say never) come across NCT members like the ones described on this thread. I'm really sorry that so many posters have. None of my NCT mates make their own fish fingers.

But OP, do you even like these women? Because it doesn't really sound as if you do, and certainly their behaviour towards you doesn't sound particularly attractive.

I was disappointed in my NCT group, because I was an older first-time mother, living a long way from friends, and all my London friends were scattered and childless, so I hoped for too much from the NCT group.

In the event, they gelled with one another pretty well, but I didn't much care for any of them, nor they me, so I drifted away without any rancour.

I think in some groups of women there is a ring leader who disapproves of someone, then others will also disapprove of said person, to stay in with the ring leader.

If it's happened to you, you don't have a hope really until they all have a big argument and fall out.

It really is that petty sometimes and astonishing.

I'd honestly look elsewhere for friendship. You fight a losing battle if you're in this situation. Or if there seems to be one sympathetic one, try and meet them on the side.

Don't let them destroy your confidence. I doubt you are imagining it. Someone is being very unkind. And some others lack the backbone to do anything about it.

You said it op, you withdrawing from the group gas given you the confirmation that you need. Leave them in the past, there are new friends on the horizon.

rowna, I think you could well be right. There is a bit of a ringleader that everyone seems to look up to and put on a pedestal. She is one of the ones that has been the most 'off' with me so I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case!

My experience would be that it's probable.

In which case get out and about, join classes, toddler groups. Just keep busy. Small groups like music are good for making contacts. Sometimes you'll make a friend, sometimes you won't. But you don't need this.

It took about five years for the one who did this to me to fall off her pedestal. It's a long time to be hanging in the wings. I'd advise to move on to better things.

There are better people out there, you just need to find them.