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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be very upset about how these women treat me?

132 replies

veryboringnamechange · 14/03/2014 23:00

I've namechanged, and I apologise in advance if this sounds very childish, but it is something that upsets me a lot.

I met a group of women at NCT classes when I had my youngest child, who is now nearly 5. We have all kept in touch and meet up regularly. I just can't help but feel that none of them really like me though, and it's due, in part to the dreaded FB.

Firstly, when we meet up none of them seem very interested in me. I can't remember the last time that one of them asked me anything about myself. They all seem to have bonded very well and all really like each other, but I feel that they invite me to things but don't want me there.

Also on Facebook, they comment all the time on each others' statuses and photos, and very very rarely comment on anything of mine, even though I like and comment on their stuff all the time. Only one of them wished my DS a happy birthday last year, even though they gushed over each others' children on their birthdays.

I also feel that sometimes they are all a bit cold with me. For example if I reply to one of their facebook statuses they are abrupt with me when they reply to me, and are much warmer to each other. Or if I'm chatting with them on a night out they all seem distracted and like they don't want to speak to me. We all went for a meal about a month ago and then for a drink. We walked from the restaurant to the pub, and every time I walked next to one of them they would move away from me and go and join another person so I was just left alone (and I definitely don't smell btw).

I know it all sounds pathetic. And I do have lots of other friends, so I can't be an unlikeable horrible person. I know I really need to just stop bothering with them all don't I?

OP posts:
pictish · 15/03/2014 00:15

It could be a simple case of chemistry as someone else said.
It's harsh, but they have hit it off with each other more than they have with you. It doesn't mean you have done anything wrong though, or that they dislike you.
Sorry...I know it feels shit. x

scottishmummy · 15/03/2014 00:23

Look,why are you hanging on to women you met at antenatal whom you're ambivalent about
If there no click,and it's stressing you,let it slide.maybe your incompatible
Nothing in your post suggest you get a benefit from these acquaintances

JumbledAndTumbled · 15/03/2014 00:25

Definitely time to move on. I would hide them on Facebook and be 'unavailable' for any meet ups from now onwards. No drama.

Sometimes you just don't gel with people - it's normal.

Viviennemary · 15/03/2014 00:31

It is horrible to experience this. But you have lots of other friends. Iwould concentrate on them and give this lot a miss. And get rid of the lot of them from your facebook.

PansOnFire · 15/03/2014 00:39

I'd be less available when they invite you to things, if they continue to invite you after you've turned them down then maybe go along and see if things are any different. I'd only do that if you think they are friends worth having though. Other than that I'd probably just let things fizzle out. It's really awful to be made to feel like this, sorry OP.

I don't think this is a case of not 'gelling', I think it's a case of women fighting to be the most popular and leaving one person out so to make themselves feel better because they're not the one being left out.

Chottie · 15/03/2014 00:41

Let these people go from your life, what do they bring for you? They sound quite petty. Life is too short to be continually upset by them. I would not have a drama, more a gentle, gradual withdrawal from the group.

Only1scoop · 15/03/2014 00:49

I don't even know why you put yourself through it. Socialise with your other friends instead.

dancingnancy · 15/03/2014 01:36

Dump them bitches and have fun with your other friends. Seriously, life is too short to punish yourself, not a pleasant experience but move on.

MistressDeeCee · 15/03/2014 02:30

You don't sound pathetic at all, OP. Groups can be cliquey and make a game of inviting someone to join them except, its not about joining them at all. Its about being callous by making someone feel ostracised. It probably won't help you to remember, if their self esteem and confidence was intact they wouldn't feel the need for a group scapegoat. What would help you is, finding new friends and dumping this lot. Don't make yourself needy by feeling you need them. Maybe you grate on them somehow and they invite you out of obligation - who knows? But you don't feel that great about them either, do you? So, time to move on. These things happen and you can make new friends and/or concentrate on the friends you do have. & your DC.

Cariad007 · 15/03/2014 03:37

Dump them. NCT is full of stuck-up middle-class women and that's part of the reason I didn't do their classes. The charity itself isn't much better despite their attempts to "diversify" -"graffiti wall" at their annual conference? Because everyone knows poor people love graffiti!

innisglas · 15/03/2014 05:03

I've been in that situation when I haven't had any alternative friends. It feels horrible, but you should concentrate on the people who you like and who like you in return. My MIL always used to say "you are not a little gold coin for everyone to like you", and that is so true.

gamerchick · 15/03/2014 06:03

You've got yourself all chewed up and life's simply too short.

Decline their invitations and stick them on hide on Facebook to delete at a further date.

If it's bothering you to the point of being upset over likes and comments it's time to sack it off.

thegreatgatsby101 · 15/03/2014 06:13

They sound delightful :/
Ditch them. You sound lovely.

But stop orchestrating your life via Facebook.

NewtRipley · 15/03/2014 06:30

Not pathetic, but my motto is: spend time, energy and emotion with friends who leave you feeling good about yourself after you've interacted with them.

Janorisa · 15/03/2014 06:33

I really wouldn't bother with them. Stick with friends who make you happy.

whatareyoueventalkingabout · 15/03/2014 06:34

I rarely like a post where someone has said anything along the lines of. "Look at how Gorgeous x is". Maybe that makes me a horrible person but it just seems a bit showy iffy and desperate.

If you do this then that could possibly be the reason for the Facebook thing, otherwise is there any way you are misinterpreting the situation and they aren't all as good friends as you think but you just don't enter into the spirit as much?

do you like any of them in particular? If so you could try and meet for a coffee with them and leave the group situation.

Some people get carried away in a group situation and become less like themselves.

Wuxiapian · 15/03/2014 06:35

You have plenty of other friends so why worry about this select group?

Go forth and be happy :)

NewtRipley · 15/03/2014 06:38

what

Some people get carried away in a group situation and become less like themselves

eisbaer · 15/03/2014 06:42

I think they just don't like you. Not necessarily bitchy etc, just don't like you as much as they like each other. It happens, don't flog a dead horse and it sounds like it's been dead for some time. Do the facebook hiding thing, be courteous and invest in those who give you a two way friendship.

Kandypane · 15/03/2014 06:50

Urgh - this goes beyond them not liking you. It's obvious they've discussed you and come to some sort of agreement you're not worthy - that's why none of them will walk with you/comment on FB - they don't want to seem to be stepping out of line.

What pathetic, childish women. Let me guess, they're all SAHM ( not judging, just more likely to be, too much time

Kandypane · 15/03/2014 06:52

... On their hands)

Stop giving them the power to hurt you. Dump them and feel lucky to have escaped.

Once you're gone they will turn on someone else - it's the way these women work. They do it to bond with each other. Sad sad sad.

Kandypane · 15/03/2014 06:55

No offence to SAHMs btw. I'm just guessing women who work wouldn't even have time to think up these mind games

MrTumblesCrackWhore · 15/03/2014 07:05

How do your children get on? You don't mention how well they gel...I was just wondering whether it might be them that could be causing the issue.

The reason I say that is because my ds, in the past, has been a bit of a handful and didn't always create the calmest play dates, which resulted in me getting a little marginalised from the group. Luckily, I have two good friends who stuck by me even when ds was being a terror and now that he is not, our dc play brilliantly and we can enjoy each other's company properly again.

Some people can't extricate the parent from the child and just go for the easy option of dumping both . I don't know if this is the case for you but it might be worth considering.

Either way, they don't sound like the kind of people you should be bothering about, which is easier said than done, I know. Sorry you're going through a hard time of it.

NotYouNaanBread · 15/03/2014 07:10

Definitely drop them, and straight away hide them on FB - you don't have to do a flounce, but it will help if you don't have to see their carry-on anyway (my FB became lovely and quiet when I started blocking anybody who posted more than two updates a day or had an automated stream from a horoscope or daily kitten thing).

There's no parenting rule that you have to stay friends with your NCT group. There was one nice person on mine & we kind of stayed friends, but the rest were the dreariest women imaginable & I only went to one or two post baby meet-ups before disappearing.

Greenmug · 15/03/2014 07:13

Kandy I would disagree with your comments about SAHMs. The bitchiest woman I know works full time and seems to have plenty of time to think about it. Not all SAHMs sit around all day with nothing to do. (I work BTW).

Back to OP I think you should leave them to it. You sound like you're worth ten of them so enjoy your other friends.