to wonder why it seems people get increasingly negative about breastfeeding the older baby gets....

[DiplodocusDinosaur]

My ds2 is 9 mths, admittedly he is a very big baby and often mistaken for 1yr to 18mths. I bf on demand and have always happily, discreetly fed in public. Whereas when he was little I.e. under 6 mths I only ever got really positive comments and vibes for bf in public, now he is getting older I'm increasingly noticing negative looks and had the odd comment more than once. Today I took my ds1 and ds2 to a childrens farm, ds2 wanted a feed so I went to feed him and heard two mothers giggling and saying 'bitty, bitty'. And a week or so back another lady stopped in the country park I was in and told me ds2 was far to old for breast milk and it was fine for little babies to be bf in public but my baby was old enough to learn to wait.
Have i just had a couple of bad run ins or have others noticed bf reactions change as babies get older?

PoppySeed I have never heard of that. Sounds like nonsense to me. Why would there be toxins in human milk that aren't in cows' milk?

WHO advice is to feed until two and beyond.

But who advice is worldwide advice. ie it includes women in countries who dong have reliable access to clean water.

Look, I may have completely misremembered what I read. If it rings any bells and anyone can help me out then please do!

Fwiw I only let my dc have organic dairy products, mainly organic fruit and veg and was incredibly careful that meat and fish were organic/free range/etc to mimimise toxins/hormones etc.

poppyseed do you really believe cows milk (or other food) is pure as the driven snow and contains no toxins, pesticides, hormones, antibiotics? Where did all these toxins the mother is harbouring come from, I wonder?

I breastfed my ds1 for 16m and Ds2 for 2 yrs, but I didn't feed them in public much after a year, more because we were down to morning and bedtime feeds than because I didn't want to feed out and about. I think feeding toddlers is more common than people think but it's not often done in public, so it is seen as strange/unusual.

I have read fears expressed that eventually toxins will build up in all of us so badly that breastmilk will become poisonous but have never heard any official advice about this being a genuine problem now. Yes, children can safely have other food and drink but so what? Breastmilk is healthy, nutritious, free and convenient. When I'm out with my toddler, if he is hungry or thirsty the most readily available things tend to be less healthy options. I can't really understand anyone's objection to seeing breastfeeding - there is nothing unpleasant or embarrassing about it imo.

I only fed my toddler til 14 months btw and he'd stopped feeding publicly ages before then because he was so interested in what was going on around him all the time he never wanted to stop long enough for a feed! But I'd have no issue feeding a toddler in public and I find it very depressing that some people can find something offensive in it.

I BFed DS1 until 13m, and as he gradually weaned off the day feeds, that meant that the need to feed in public faded away. DS2 is 11m and rarely needs a feed in public. The logistics of our weekly routine mean that I'm rarely in public when he feeds. Dropping feeds and a proportion of mothers RTW from 9ish months combined with the numbers still BFing means that people aren't exposed to it to normalise it. Maternity leave and the frequency of feeds a younger baby needs normalises public BFing. Also the target of EBF until 6m seems to send a message to society that that is a deadline for BFing, even though no one would suggest weaning a baby off bottles of formula at that stage.

I think under six months bottle-feeders are more likely to get negative comments and over six months breast-feeders are more likely to have a negative response. That's what me and my friends who breast or bottle feed found. I would never say anything negative to any mother about breast or bottle feeding as it's a very personal choice.
I do feel a bit strange about seeing children over two being breast-feed but I think it's probably because it's not something that is that culturally normal and more likely because two years was my personal cut-off point for breast-feeding.
People are always going to make negative remarks on your parenting at some point. Unfortunately, it's just the way it is.

DS was a big baby, and I found the comments started when he was about 10 months, people wanted to know when I was going to stop, it obviously made them uncomfortable. After about 14 months I fed DS in private and didn't correct people if they assumed I no longer fed DS.

However, I realise now that it's never going to become socially acceptable and seen as normal (as it actually is!) if we all hide and pretend we don't do it, to humour misinformed people who think it's weird (like some of the posted here, even!) in fact I must admit, prior to being a mother I'd not given it much thought, I thought people fed babies till they were about 1 or so, and that extended feeding was a bit odd. I was misinformed, basically, and had never really thought about it it had my ideas challenged. In the end I fed DS till he was 4

I remember taking great strength from two other mothers in particular, one who was feeding her 2 year old on a bus, and one who was tslking openly about feeding her 3 year old in the mornings still. Those simple acts inspired me to be more open about feeding my own DC. if I felt uncomfortable I reminded myself there might be a mum around who was emboldened by seeing me BFing in public, and that thought really helped me get over my own feelings of awkwardness.

I now have an 11mo DD, and I'm not going to hide away this time round! i think i may have become a militant BFer In fact I am quite looking forward to being challenged by people so I can, respectfully and calmly, challenge their assumptions and get them to think about where their negative attitudes to breastfeeding come from.

My own sister, for example, last time said "but you will stop feeding once he starts talking won't you?". IMO, this kind of thinking comes from the idea that the primary function of boobs is sex, and while it's ok for babies who don't understand what they're doing to feed, once they're old enough to be self aware, it's somehow wrong. This kind of thinking needs challenging, if it's ever to be accepted in our culture. In fact the effect of this kind of thinking is actually harmful to mothers and babies, as people give up BFing under pressure from society, and the health benefits to mother and baby are lost.

I don't blame people for thinking this way, we live in a culture which is massively anti-breastfeeding, and if people never see older DCs being fed, and if there are only negative portrayals of extended feeding in the media (fucking Little Britain has a lot to answer for IMO) and if we don't admit to it, how will they ever know it's normal?

So, this time round I am going to BF in public with abandon

I think I might design a leaflet to give to people who aak me when I'm going to stop, answering the usual questions. The point would be to inform and debunk some common myths and prejudices about extended feeding and challenge their thinking (but absolutely not make anyone feel bad for not choosing to BF!)

Anyone fancy helping me make one?

I'm "still" bf my 7mo which is causing my mil no end if consternation . He's allergic to cows milk so I couldn't really stop even if I wanted to, which I don't. She has asked if I can't just give him food and water now so clearly there are some people who don't understand that bf still provides the majority of nutrients for older babies.

Out of interest I have a question for those of you who are breastfeeding older children alongside small babies. Who is your body producing milk for? I know that breast milk changes at different stages of the baby's life so I'd expect milk for a new baby to be different to the milk that's produced when the child is older. Just curious!

Knackered mum I'd like to know that too. I tandem fed mine for a month or so.

Milk is tailored to the baby rather than the toddler

how on earth as a society did we get the to the point where is it's "normal" to feed our children the milk of another mammal but "weird" to feed them our own milk??? how did we get here?

People generally seem quite taken aback when they realise I'm 'still' feeding my 1yo. Gawd knows what they'd think if they realised I haven't weaned his 3.5yo brother yet either.

I had the bitty comment from my own mum. So, so hurtful.

You always produce milk for the youngest.

That's awful I hope you've just been very unlucky to encounter this more than once and it isn't the general attitude :(

I bf DD for 18 months and never even felt like it was "extended" breastfeeding - it was just feeding! She was very tiny though.

DS is now 9 weeks and gigantic :D about the same size as DD was when she was 5 months! I still fully intend to feed him the same way for as long as we want to.

I haven't had any comment so far with either of them but anyone who did would get short shrift.

I think, most people don't notice, and of the ones who do, most don't care. Of the ones who do care, most wouldn't pass comment anyway. There's always a few assholes though.

I'm going to be honest...I flinch and cringe when I see a child over 1 bf. it's my own problem and having breastfed myself now I'm getting better. I dont judge these women at all, I always think good on you for managing this far...but my first reaction is cringe and I'm ashamed of myself for it. I wish more women were brave feeding their older babies in public tbh. where I live you hardly see anyone breastfeeding unfortunately and I was the only one in my family who gave BFing a try so I think that's why I feel like this sometimes.

Just ignore these horrible people. they had no right to say anything to you.

I would never say anything to anyone nor give them a look...but, if I saw a 3.5 year old breast feeding then yes, I can't lie, I would think it was a little odd.

YANBU

It is no-one's business but yours what your baby (or for that matter you) eat, how much or for how long.

My 4 week old PFB is exclusively FF and a BF mother (similar age baby) on the next table passed comment to her party that she "couldn't do that to her baby". Why do people think they have any say in what we eat? I wouldn't have ordered the meal she was eating either - but I didn't loudly slag it off.

I was half tempted to get my nipple-free post-mastectomy reconstructions out to prove a point, but I shouldn't have to - and nor should you have to justify yourself to anyone OP.

Sorry, bit of a rant, but people saying what we should or shouldn't feed our kids gives me the rage!

Also - she might have been commenting on his outfit! And I'm just hypersensitive!

I would have thought that milk is tailored to the individual child, or does a mothers body become incapable of doing this after the child can talk?

I've found that a lot of people (in my experience) wholeheartedly support you in bfing to the same extent that they did themselves, and once you continue past that point their support drops off, so DM started asking about me stopping pretty much straight away, my friend (who tandem bfd twins!) thought it was weird to go past one year, other friends stopped at 6, 12, 18 months and all felt that that was the correct time for everyone to stop, not just them.

I'm still bf DS for naps and nighttime and he is 4 in June. DM is horrified, friends are (politely) surprised and slightly disapproving, but I'm continuing until DS stops asking for it, which I suspect might be when we move him to his big boy bed for his birthday, as he stopped his morning feed when we took the sides off his bed at 18 months. I don't feed in public as he never asks unless he is sleepy but it would be a logistical nightmare as he is so long and heavy I need a sofa and then he will nod off for two hours! I have fed him at home when DM was visiting and she was quite disgruntled that I haven't stopped, and that DS didn't take her up on her alternative suggestion to go to the park!

If someone asks politely about it I'm happy to politely respond and say why we are still doing it, if they aren't so polite about it, then neither am I!

Wow, I'm surprised people think that there is no need for breast milk after 6 months. I am still bfing my almost 7 month old DS and plan to carry on till he is at least 1 (when i go back to work).What I do with my body and baby is my business. I struggled in the early days and barely left the house as I was so worried what people would say. Luckily with support I got through it and now I couldn't give a fuck what people think. And no I don't always enjoy feeding him but its not about me. It's about the best for my baby. I really hope someone says something to me so I can tell them to mind their own fucking business.

I actually feed less in public when they are newborn as it's more fiddly and messy!

An older one can at least hold their own head up better and be a bit more efficient!

It's a shame that just when your own confidence about doing it gets better, public opinion seems to change for the worse...

OP, to answer your original question, some of the reasons people make negative comments IMO

• they have never seen a baby older than about 6 months fed before

• they weren't even really aware people fed babies over 6 months (or a year, or whatever)

• our culture equates breasts primarily with sex, and people can't get their heads round how a child fits into that. They feel it's somehow perverted

• programs like fucking Little Britain take the piss out of extended BFing, and there are generally no positive portrayals of BFing to counteract it

• people don't understand that there's more to BFing than nutrition alone (e.g. support of the immune system) and don't understand why a child would need to feed once they've started eating food

• we live in a capitalist society. Self reliance (e.g. BFing) has no place in it. If there was a product which gave the benefits BFing does, you can be sure as mothers we would be bombarded with adverts for it and everyone would be singing its praises.

• formula companies and the dairy industry have, historically, spent a lot of money convincing everyone that their products are good for babies and children, even going as far as to imply they're better than breastmilk on many occasions. The human body, and BFing has not had much of an advertising budget as such!

• many of our mothers used formula, people have been socialised into thinking it's the norm

• the "breast is best" campaign focuses solely on early breastfeeding IIRC. People are not given messages about extended BFing

• Health Visitors often reflect our culture (anti-extended-breastfeeding) rather than medical advice (WHO says feed till at least 2). They often IMO subtly or overtly support weaning off breast milk after the child is 1. I was told to stop feeding my DS to sleep for example by the HV for - IMO - no good reason, when he was 18mo.

• some people like to validate their own choices by insisting everyone else does the same. This goes all ways, e.g. with BFers making FFers feel bad for their choice, which is also not on. But as far as this thread goes, some FFing mums amd those who stopped BFing earlier, may feel they need to tell and extended BFer that they should stop, to validate their own choice (I got this from some mums I know)

• some people are just rude and like being judgmental about other people, whatever you do you can't win with those kind of people

• what else did I miss?

I find EBF a child that is eating solids a bit weird, I fed mine to around 6/7 months and then stopped.
But that is my opinion, and not one I'd ever share with anyone else, especially someone who was doing it. It;s a personal feeling.
I also support the right of women to BF for as long as they want to and whereever they choose to, why should the fact I find it odd to feed a toddler limit their freedom of choice?
I'm sure there are many things I've done and continue to do that are weird in the eyes of others, but I'd be pissed off if they tried to stop me.

I've thought of another one,

• GPs, like HVs, are not BFing experts, and they also sometimes give out anti-extended BFing advice, reflecting our cultural norms or their ignorance on the subject rather than up-to-date medical knowledge

Mines almost 14 months now, i dont very often bf in public now, although im sure once the weather warms up it will probably happen more often.

Ive been getting the when will you stop comments off family and friends for quite some time now.

If anyone comments in public i well tell them to fuck off