to wonder why it seems people get increasingly negative about breastfeeding the older baby gets....

[DiplodocusDinosaur]

My ds2 is 9 mths, admittedly he is a very big baby and often mistaken for 1yr to 18mths. I bf on demand and have always happily, discreetly fed in public. Whereas when he was little I.e. under 6 mths I only ever got really positive comments and vibes for bf in public, now he is getting older I'm increasingly noticing negative looks and had the odd comment more than once. Today I took my ds1 and ds2 to a childrens farm, ds2 wanted a feed so I went to feed him and heard two mothers giggling and saying 'bitty, bitty'. And a week or so back another lady stopped in the country park I was in and told me ds2 was far to old for breast milk and it was fine for little babies to be bf in public but my baby was old enough to learn to wait.
Have i just had a couple of bad run ins or have others noticed bf reactions change as babies get older?

I bfed DS until just over 2 years old, and currently bfing DD at almost a year. I've pretty much stopped in public with her, not because I am embarrassed but because she doesn't seem to want to while we are out - too busy looking around or having a little walk in the playground, or whatever. It was the same with DS. It does come in handy on long train journeys etc if she gets tired and is having trouble settling.

I really don't understand why people would comment on breastfeeding other than to say something nice. They clearly don't have enough going on in their lives if seeing an older baby / toddler breastfeeding bothers them so much.

The next time a stranger gives you unsolicited advice, your response should be "I don't give a fuck what you think".

Rosebud, if you are genuinely curious about why some people dislike it, it's because it's simply not pleasant to observe - that's the honest answer, whereas with small babies it looks much more discreet - and more quiet! It's after all a bodily function, and in the western society it's seen as polite not to display any bodily functions. It's just an instinct of some sort, like not wanting to see someone go for a pee, or sneezing without covering up - even though it's all natural. I really don't think it's anything to do with principles of child rearing, just the aesthetics of it with a bigger child, and that there is no urgency like with a hungry baby, meaning a mother can find a private place but doesn't choose to i.e. being inconsiderate of others comfort.

Obviously for a bf-ing mother it's a pleasant process, but people often don't relate if they never bf-d before, or don't have kids, or just have traditional notions of what's considerate (to other people) in public.

I really don't think anyone should comment though - it's rude. But not surprised if people would rather not see it, as it's too in your face (with toddlers). It's not seen a necessity like with small babies, judged on the fact that most toddlers are not being bf-d.

Very odd reactions, considering your baby is only 9 months. Did you tell the woman at the park that your son is in fact only 9 months so you are following standard medical advice by continuing to breastfeed until he is 1 year old?

If they saw a woman out and about breastfeeding a 3 year old then most people would find it a little odd because 3 year olds don't get hungry suddenly and urgently for milk in the way that a 9 month old baby does. But a baby that is clearly not yet walking or talking wouldn't raise an eyebrow with most people, you would imagine...

Beagles, it is nothing at all like sneezing or peeing in public. I take it that you never eat in public because this is a bodily function and "impolite"?
As for consideration of others comfort - listening to a hungry baby (the OPs is only 9 months) scream makes me much more uncomfortable than a breastfeeding mother. Watching toddlers eat solid foods is often not especially pretty. And no-ones forcing you to look!

I wasn't talking about 9 month old, I was memtioning toddlers of 14+ months as posters mentioned before, but answering mainly to Rosebud - I'm just stating what people (who disapprove) think, as Rosebud was asking for honest opinions.

Eating is not the same, unless you let your saliva dribble or eat noisily! food is attractive, unlike the thought of breast milk to grown-ups. Obviously if someone eats something greasy on a crowded tube or train - yes offensive/inconsiderate, makes some people queasy - not saying it's the crime of the century, but not exactly considerate. But eating in cafes/restaurants with good manners - not the same as it's perceived as a pleasant pastime and food there smells good.

I'm not looking or ever commenting to bf-ing mothers - as I said i think it would be rude. But it's hard not to notice or hear a big toddler suck on the breast! it is rare though, so again not the end of the world.

I would never dream of commenting, staring, or otherwise making any breastfeeding mother feel uncomfortable.

I do, however, think that once the babies are properly eating normal food and only require a breastfeed for comfort/extra nutrition going to bed (clearly a private family situation), that it is unnecessarily ostentatious to do more than that, and you must realise it is likely to attract comments.

That said, I don't care and wouldn't say anything, but I'm surprised that so many MNers get outraged when people notice it as out of the norm.

Beagles, did you know that it is biologically normal for children to wean at any age between 2.5 and 7? It is only in developed countries like ours that is is "unpleasant". I am very tired and haven't worded this very well but I hope my point comes across.

After about 9 months I noticed occasional looks but most annoyingly my own family got in on the act. My mum looked horrified when I fed my 10 month old on the train (fully covered by a cardigan, by the window in a double seat with her, but yes quite a busy carriage), I felt like leaving her with the crying baby to deal with instead

I think it's a generational and regional thing where it is seen as something to either stop or do behind closed doors. It isn't something I try to flaunt, and given he only feeds 3 times a day mostly I am in private, but I refuse to feel ashamed for feeding an 11 month old discreetly and in line with medical guidance.

sadsaddersaddest my DP is French and I was going to move to formula after approx 6 mo for for my DC (2 year difference) as I was going to return to work, but knowing I was going to spend Easter in France speeded up the process as I just couldn't face 2 weeks having to explain myself

It was ok when I went when they were tiny, but I got given rooms to go in etc and yes they do think it's weird later. Though my Sil has returned to work as an intensive care nurse on shifts with a 3mo (baby moved to formula and purée ) so I guess that the big problem is not having the maternity leave to make it easy :(

Noisy, dribbling, sucking toddler? If this is the case, they aren't doing it right, beagles.

Bodily function?

Someone asked me the other day how long I planned to breastfeed my 10 week old baby. I replied that as I was still also feeding his older sister at almost two and a half months I'll feed him for as long as he wants to as well.

I don't breastfeed my toddler outside anymore but only because she genuinely doesn't ask for it unless in the house. It's a wake up snuggle, bath time treat and perhaps a bit in between. She was still feeding outside until Christmas and I fed her in hospital when she visited me while I had her little brother.

Although when the newborn first arrived her interest and demand rocketed- I was like a sow for about 3 weeks

Agree with EurotrashGirl, "I don't give a fuck what you think" should be a stock answer.

That said, I do have a slight issue with children still being bf'd who are old enough to remember it, say 5 or 6. I am rather glad that I don't remember being bf'd. Is it just me?

I personally find the idea of attempting to bf my 2.5 yo toddler quite uncomfortable, as he's old enough to manage perfectly well on other food sources now. Also, rightly or wrongly, I'd feel that he was invading my personal space. I'll cuddle him and let him drive cars over my bum and pummel my stomach, but he can't go near my boobs. They are mine.

Rightly or wrongly, I feel that little babies are pretty much extensions of their parents until they're about 6mo and then they gradually become proper little individual people. I then accord them the same distance from my private zones that I would accord to anyone.

I suspect that I am not alone in thinking like this and therefore that is why many people find the sight of extended bf (which I would arbitrarily define as 2 and up) a bit uncomfortable. If you're comfortable doing it then I would never dream of telling you to stop though.

I just don't really get that. Toddlers have no need to be driving cars on your bottom, but we wouldn't have boobs if we didn't need them to feed our offspring!

But you don't need to bf toddlers either though! I suppoae I let them get away with a certain amount of personal space invasion - I only went into detail so no-one would call me a prude with body issues

My point was that I find bfing a toddler to be a greater invasion of that privacy than same toddler using my (covered, I hasten to add) bum as a car racetrack. I don't expect people who do extended bf to empathise, but am just trying to explain my thoughts.

It's not just an age issue. I bf my (then) 7 day old baby in a quiet cafe last month to be greeted with a woman shaking her head and calling me disgusting.

DD is 9 months (and big for her age) and I'm experiencing the same, but from family and friends :( . Everyone keeps asking when I'm stopping - one has even told me I shouldn't be bf at this age (they also thought I should introduce solids before 6 months as DD was a big baby ).

I have one friend who told me years ago that one of our friends bf her babies for ages and she thought it was really weird (she said she couldn't bf her own DC). Since having my baby, the friend who bf her babies told me she bf her babies till 6 months! This friend hasn't repeated her opinion (it just stuck in my mind as I'd always imagined that the other friend bf till her babies were much older) but has asked on more than one occasion how long I'm bf for and feel like I keep having to defend myself (I've told her and explained the reasons).

I'm not sure I've ever seen anybody breastfeeding an older baby come to think of it so not sure how I would feel.

I feel inclined to agree with beagles and partridge , once the baby becomes a child people don't see it in the same light. A toddler can gain sufficient nutrition from food and wait long enough to feed elsewhere or have a drink of something else so it's not seen as a necessity like with a small baby.

I'm not saying people shouldn't continue to breastfed for as long as they like but they also should take on board some people will have opinions about it. Making childish immature comments like 'bitty' is beyond rude, but just not liking seeing something they feel uncomfortable with is not rude IMO.

Op, I'm sorry that people have been rude to you. I've read the whole thread and wanted to respond honestly...

I don't find it weird at all when people bf babies. I'm all for it! But toddlers/children I do find a bit weird. My friend bf's her 2 year old and he asks for "booby" ALL the time. She bf's him much more frequently than most people have to fb small babies!

Isn't the advice in Scandinavian countries now that it's safer to stop after 12 months because any toxins in your body come out in breast milk and after 12 months babies can safely drink cows milk and eat normal meals? Can anyone help me out on that one - I might have misremembered...

I do find it irritating (sorry) when people from the west mention extended bfeeding and self weening in the rest of the world. Yes, many countries don't have safe water/food so of course mothers fb for as long as possible!

And obviously fb is my phone correcting bf!

There does come a cut off age. I have an acquaintance who was still BFing her 5yo at the school gates.

I've done "extended" breast feeding with DS until 14 months and DD looks set up to carry on much longer of she gets the choice.

Personally I think that my job is to make them individuals independent from me and so after about 1 I start to reduce daytime feeds because I'm teaching them to eat and drink as a child and adult would.

I do however keep morning evening and I necessary night time feeds. I think it's great for them and a lovely bonding thing, but for me not part of "mealtimes" any more.

That said, I will defend anyone's right to continue to
Breast feed as long as they like. It's an affirming positive thing and anyone with issues with the idea clearly is the broken person.

It's such an incredibly natural thing to breast feed if you can. I just don't understand why anyone thinks they have permission to discuss it with a breast feeding mother unless invited.

Where else would this level of intrusion be accepted and how on earth did we get to this point as a society.

Thank you for replying Plump. I guess my body issues would be the other way round - I can't stand toddlers crawling over me, but don't mind breastfeeding a small toddler. I don't like bf in public after 12 months myself, but wouldn't want people to feel uncomfortable if they do want to do that.

poppy I've never heard that, but in any case what about toxins in cow's milk? Or pesticides in vegetables? Or heavy metals in fish? I suspect you'd have to be really going at it to make your milk any worse.