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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My colleague called me rude. Aibu?

139 replies

candyapplecore · 14/03/2014 12:54

My colleague made brownies, offered them to the woman next to me then put the plate down on her own desk and left.

I took one, she came back to her desk a couple of minutes later and my colleague who was offered one said in a jokey way that I'd already had one.

She just replied - well that's rude, you could have at least asked.

Was I rude?

OP posts:

Original poster

candyapplecore · 14/03/2014 22:47

candyapplecore re. your latest post, do you think she had a point or not?

I don't know, I'm just trying to say it fairly.

I don't think baking brownies and giving them out to all your team makes her rude.

I think me taking one without her permission and her saying that was rude was her being unreasonable.

OP posts:

EBearhug · 14/03/2014 22:57

Last time I took cakes in, I did 60.

HolidayCriminal · 15/03/2014 09:28

Colleague was very very rude.

CoolaSchmoola · 15/03/2014 09:49

But you were rude.

I've read all your posts, one after the other.

Colleague has Brownies, offers one to someone she happens to be passing, puts them on her own desk, pops off for 2 minutes to give one to a friend, comes back and offers them to everyone.

During that 2 mins you got up from your desk, walked to herself and helped yourself. Then when colleague offers you one someone else JOKILY points out you already helped yourself.

Sorry, but where I come from you wait until you are offered. You say you knew she would offer - you just didn't see why you should do the polite thing.

She was not unreasonable to call you rude - because you were! Little bit piggish if you couldn't wait til she came back....

CrabbySpringyBottom · 15/03/2014 13:45

But you were rude. Why is she unreasonable to point it out?

Next time don't take something of someone's until they offer it to you. Then they won't point out that you're rude. Problem solved.

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2014 14:25

This is why I never offer things to people unless I don't want them.

They can't be trusted to do the right thing which is, of course: 'No, no, Limited, they're your brownies. You eat them all yourself.'

The bastards dive in and take them.

Yes, I was that child who used to scowl when forced to offer round her packet of crisps and try to hold on to the bag so people could only take one.

Happily, now I'm a grown up no one forces me to share my stuff.

emotionsecho · 15/03/2014 17:12

You were very rude and bad mannered and your colleague was right to point it out. Could you really not wait two minutes for her to return and offer you a brownie, were you that desparate and about to die of starvation, terrified you might not get one? Really what a way to behave.

fascicle · 15/03/2014 17:23

Your colleague should be flattered that her brownies appeared so irresistible that you couldn't keep your hands off them.

MusicalEndorphins · 15/03/2014 17:43

OP,no, I don't think she was unreasonable, just annoyed or grumpy.

We were taught it was rude to ask, (or take) and polite to wait until offered. Maybe you did not know this before? Did you feel embarrassed when she said that? Or surprised? You sound surprised which leads me to believe you didn't know the "rule" for some reason.

You could bring something in to share, and offer them to her first with a smile?

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2014 18:23

OP you're a very bad girl indeed .

What was the brownie like btw?

It's just that someone used to bring homemade cakes into the office all the time and I now realise she wanted to open a cafe and test her recipes on us first.

I'd give her 4 out of 10. Maybe 5. Six if I was feeling well-disposed. I'm not going any higher.

But I have very high standards.

emotionsecho · 15/03/2014 18:28

Limited I assume the "Greg Wallace" face accompanied the score?

emotionsecho · 15/03/2014 18:29

Ooops should be "Gregwallace face"

MintyCatLeaf · 15/03/2014 18:31

You were not rude at all, at least by the standards of my workplaces.

I've worked in three hospitals in the last six months (doctor who covered a few, not someone who keeps getting fired because she steals food!). Food has been fair game in all.

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2014 18:43

emotionsecho Probably. But I like to think I'm a nicer person than him. And a more physically attractive one. I'm a woman, btw.

I find John Torode's hairy neck repellent too. And Marcus Waring's arms.

They have sharp knives in kitchens. Are razors too much of a stretch?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 15/03/2014 19:18

at Pan's passive aggressive brownie booby trap.

emotionsecho · 15/03/2014 19:19

Limited I had assumed you were a woman so by default infinitely more attractive than mr wallace

I'm not keen on Torode or Waring either, but I do like Michel Roux.

limitedperiodonly · 15/03/2014 19:48

emotionsecho I'll fight you for Michel Roux.

Mandolins at dawn.

francesdrake · 15/03/2014 19:54

Part of bringing cakes, etc, into work is so that Munificent Colleague can offer them around in person garnering brownie points , you can say, 'Oh, no, I shouldn't, I'm on a fast day, ooh, they look lovely, though, you made them yourself, you say? Gosh, OK, go on then - THANK YOU VERY MUCH YOU ARE VERY KIND AND THOUGHTFUL.'

You missed out the bit where you recognise the thoughtfulness and generosity of the colleague, which is sort of the point of her doing it, ergo, YABU. And rude.

francesdrake · 15/03/2014 19:55

There's a reason they're called 'brownie points', after all.

slithytove · 15/03/2014 21:06

I love michel roux, and he has just quit the bbc. Masterchef won't be worth watching without him and monica with just shouty Gregg Wallace

Benchmark · 15/03/2014 21:15

I think it's funny that you took one. She was rude for not offering one to you and rude again for publicly calling you on taking one. What stereotypical and embarrassingly female behaviour!

CoolaSchmoola · 15/03/2014 22:41

But Bench - the OP has admitted that she KNEW that Brownie woman was going to offer them around (and she subsequently did) and the only reason the other person got one a few minutes before anyone else was because Brownie woman happened to pass her desk en route to her own.

The rudeness was that the OP was so desperate to get her mitts on one that she didn't want to wait for them to be offered, and instead swooped, grabbed and snarfed one in the two minutes between Brownie woman putting the plate down for 180 whole seconds before picking it up and offering it.

The OP had grabbed and gobbled before the BW had chance to offer them around.
Did you RTFT?

Benchmark · 16/03/2014 13:39

Ok I admit I didn't read the full thread. But still think it was unnecessary to call the OP rude if she was going to offer them to everyone anyway. At work we just put food on the dividers inbetween the desks and people help themselves, so I wouldn't necessarily wait for someone to hand me one. But then we all have a good relationship with one another so would never dream of being hostile over something like this.

anonacfr · 16/03/2014 16:29

Yes but in this case she had left the plate on her desk and it doesn't sound like there were that many brownies in the first place.
The colleague was coming back to share them all specifically with her team.

OP was greedy not to wait 2mns knowing she was going to be offered a cake and I don't think the colleague was unreasonable pointing that out.

It almost sounds like a reverse AIBU- is the OP known for being a greedy chancer?

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 16/03/2014 17:57

You should have replied to the colleague - 'No no, I didn't eat one, I just took it, crushed it to powder with my fist and hurled it out of the window.'

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