My colleague called me rude. Aibu?

[candyapplecore]

My colleague made brownies, offered them to the woman next to me then put the plate down on her own desk and left.

I took one, she came back to her desk a couple of minutes later and my colleague who was offered one said in a jokey way that I'd already had one.

She just replied - well that's rude, you could have at least asked.

Was I rude?

Sorry, read OP again, it was brownie woman's desk. So it was a bit grabby to fetch one.

But I still don't like brownie woman.

Sorry for the late reply. I'll be honest and say she wasn't trying to make a point or exclude me, my colleague who she offered the brownie to has her desk right at the end and brownie woman had to walk by her to get to her own desk and so offered her one.

She didn't offer anyone else one, just put the plate straight on her desk and then walked off (don't know what she did) and then returned back in 2/3 minutes.

She had obviously brought them in to share with the team but just hadn't got to that point of offering before she rushed off.

I just thought she was unreasonable to say it was rude of me for taking one and that I should have waited to be offered. They were for sharing and she shared them so I don't think she should have made a comment.

(People asked if we were close and no we're not. We started at the same time so both had training together and have the occasional chat, so we do like each other but we're just very different people - we would never go eat lunch together for example)

Oh she is well petty then and making some silly point.
Try to ignore...

I started off thinking you were both rude, and your other colleague a tell-tale-tit. However, following your latest post, I now think you're ruder and entitled than her.

Wait until you're asked.

You were still rude, sorry. You wait till you're offered - it's just basic manners.

I now think you're ruder than her too. It wasn't that she didn't offer you one, it was just that she hadn't got round to offering you one yet. So you stole one!

perhaps technically you should have waited to be offered. But if theres a plate full of brownies being passed around there is a presumption you can take one.

Put it this way, I think she is ruder to not offer and to comment that you should have asked.

Is it not rude to bring a plate of brownies to work, offer one to one person and not everyone? Doesn't a plate of brownies on a desk rather imply sharing?

That's socially incompetent.

I would probably wait to have been offered one, but you were not rude to take one.

Where I work you get kudos for stealing food. We are all a bit cake obsessed!

If you put a pile of cakes on a plate it seems to me they're for sharing. I don't think you were rude. Particularly in an office scenario where people put down a plate of cakes for their birthday etc. She was hardly going to eat them all herself or only offer to a select few surely.

I think she was ruder for not offering, and then pointing out that you were rude. Was she definitely being serious? I say 'How RUDE!' to people all the time, but I'm just joking around.

You wee rude. If she only offered the other woman one because she was passing her, and then left the plate on her desk, then you shouldn't have just helped yourself.

If she had said 'these are for everyone' or 'I'll pass these around when I get back in a sec' or similar, then that would have been fair enough - but if she didn't mention them, how did you know that they would be offered?

I would have been quite put out, if that had been me, and you had just taken something from my desk that I hadn't specifically said was up for grabs. I would probably also have told you that you were rude too.

Say what yer like op but I won't be leaving my brownies near you!

Once cakes are out on the table with us, they're fair game for anyone. I do expect people to say, "hello, happy birthday/congratulations on being here 5 years/whatever the reason is, thank you," if I'm sat there, but that's it. I don't need to give permission, they don't need to ask.

I also wouldn't offer to just one person, unless they'd said they were going to be in a meeting for the rest of the day or something, in which case, I'd say, "do take one for later, before they all go."

I think you're colleague is being a bit precious. In my current and previous work, there are places to abandon food. If someone is clearly sharing food then wherever they put it becomes fair game.

I BTW don't often bring in or eat shared food for my own reasons.

I promise you OP you were not being rude.

Depends how your office dynamic is. In an old job of mine I'd leave sweets in my desk, come back a few days later to cheeky little IOU's or a jelly baby in place of a roll of mints. It was funny though because we were all friends.

This obviously isn't the same though and you could have waited, it's not like you were starving.

Sorry I should point out that the brownies were not being passed around, there was about 6 on a plate on her desk.

I never said she was not going to offer them around because she obviously intended to do it and she did. Think she was put out that I had walked over and took one without asking.

candyapplecore re. your latest post, do you think she had a point or not?

When in a hole one generally needs to stop digging...

You were rude. She was rude as well. The two do not cancel each other out.

Very rude. WTF were you thinking?