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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be considering having the odd small glass of wine whilst pregnant?

130 replies

KitKat1985 · 12/03/2014 11:20

Hello all. :)

I found out I was pregnant in early January. It was planned and me and DH were very happy. I abstained from alcohol the minute I found out. However, I can't deny I do miss relaxing with a glass of wine. (To be clear I've never been a heavy drinker, usually having a glass, or maybe two, 3-4 times a week beforehand). I am nearly about to finish the first trimester (12+5 today) and am wondering if it would be terrible just to have a small glass of wine about once a week? For example am probably going to go out for dinner with DH this Saturday (I work a lot of weekends, and DH doesn't, so it's nice for us to do something as a couple when we both get the day off together). AIBU? If you saw a pregnant woman in a restaurant drinking a glass of wine would you think she was in the wrong? Am genuinely interested in what other women do about alcohol when pregnant.

OP posts:
paxtecum · 12/03/2014 20:29

When DHs cannot do without alcohol, even if it is two pints, they are often classed as alcohol dependent by MNers.

I don't understand why it is a big deal not to drink alcohol for nine months.
Is alcohol such a necessity?
Can you not find a luxury soft drink replacement?

TheScience · 12/03/2014 20:32

Refoca - I think it would be pretty amazing if alcohol stayed in your bloodstream for 2 days! Alcohol usually leaves your bloodstream at a rate of about a unit an hour, if you body can't deal with 2 units in 2 days it suggests something is seriously wrong with your liver to me.

whereisshe · 12/03/2014 21:40

paxtecum, I don't think anyone has suggested they can't abstain while pregnant. The discussion is about whether it's necessary to abstain or not.

fairylightsintheloft · 12/03/2014 22:31

Paxcetum - problem I had was that the "luxury" soft drinks are FULL of sugar and I had GD so that was no good. I hate the way that q is posed "is one glass worth it"? frankly yes, because there is no "it" that is being risked and the sense of self and wellbeing and normality that having an occasional glass of wine in an appropriate setting gives is not only acceptable but frankly desirable as far as I am concerned when your body id going through something so utterly strange and new and scary in many ways.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/03/2014 22:48

I wouldn't...or rather would like to think I wouldn't.

I plan to stop drinking when we start trying, so I've already adjusted to not drinking when it happens.

Apparently a small glass very occasionally is ok?

JennyCalendar · 12/03/2014 23:05

YANBU
I had one small (125ml) glass of wine each Friday after work when I was pregnant. I'm not a big drinker and only drink once per week anyway. I stopped at 38 weeks as it made me feel ill.

I'd had 2 miscarriages previously, but didn't think that one small glass would make any difference.

I've taught children with FAS and in every case the mother was an alcoholic getting blind drunk nearly every night. There would be far higher cases if one small glass once per week caused FAS.

TheBody · 12/03/2014 23:14

I agree with 2rebecca far too much unhealthy interest in how pregnant women live their lives.

butt the fuck out.

I drank moderately through my last 3 pregnancies and mine are absolutely bloody fine. my first pregnancy was marred by me following ridiculous advise to the letter and made me have panic attacks.

never no more.

Qix · 12/03/2014 23:16

I drank a couple of glasses of wine a week. DD's fine.

NigellasDealer · 12/03/2014 23:20

i think FAS is caused by a lot more than a glass or two of wine a week tbh.
looking back on people I have known over the years, the only person with an obvious 'FAS face' had a mother who had died of drink when that person was just a child. I mean it was pretty serious.

and looking back on the kids' infant/junior days I can only think of one child with a 'FAS face'.

What i am saying is, i am sure that it is an extreme thing.

Longdistance · 12/03/2014 23:20

Do what you like.

I'm the same as pp. Friday night, small glass of vino with my dinner.
Two healthy dd's as a result.

Don't care what others do, or think. It's enough having your body taken over for 40 weeks of the year. I even had a drink when I was bf, right in front of my mw a glass of champers when dd was brought home. Meh!

Mrsantithetic · 12/03/2014 23:22

I haven't but only because I don't like wine or beer and having spirits doesn't seem as ok

toysintheattic · 12/03/2014 23:27

fairy -- wine is full of sugar too....large (250mL) glass of wine at 13%ABV is about 228 calories, and that's all (fermented) sugar. Best to avoid alcohol too if you have GD!

When I was pregnant I avoided alcohol as I feel that not enough is known about the effects on developing fetus, may be subtle effects that we aren't able to identify and that my job was to grow the healthiest baby I could who would have the best start in life possible. My pregnancy and my choice so of course is up to everyone to decide.

AllBoxedUp · 12/03/2014 23:30

Well this thread has influenced me (31 weeks pregnant). Just been out fire a work dinner and the man ordering the wine for the table was asking what everyone wanted before turning to me and saying, " You won't be having any". I actually wasn't going to but was so annoyed to have someone I had just met make decisions for me that I had an inch of white with my meal. I think he was actually a bit embarrassed.

AllBoxedUp · 12/03/2014 23:31

Typos are from my stupid phone not the small amount of alcohol!

feathermucker · 13/03/2014 00:13

Foetal Alcohol Syndrome will not hapoen as a result of having one glass of wine a week Wink

As long as you're careful/safe with the amount and regularity, you'll be fine x

Fruli · 13/03/2014 06:25

I had occasional wine when pregnant, including a very nice glass of red the night before she arrived in the outside world. No strange looks or judging comments from anyone (that I noticed). Having read some of the biggest studies into alcohol in pregnancy, it would appear a lot of the 'abstain' advice comes from a retrospective study, relying on the women (postnatally) remembering how much alcohol they consumed during their pregnancy! All in moderation is my mantra - but I did miss the pate - vit A toxicity I do take seriously.

eurochick · 13/03/2014 13:54

Alisvolatpropiis, that's up to you of course, but bear in mind it might not just be a month or so. If I had given up when ttc, I would have spent 3 years teetotal... (and bloody hell that was an awful time and would have been made more awful without the occasional night out with friends sharing a bottle of wine).

LouiseSmith · 13/03/2014 13:56

I'd say an odd glass everything now and again won't hurt. Congrats zz

pommedeterre · 13/03/2014 16:27

Wouldn't have managed all the ttc sex without all the wine :)

Would never have even thought of not drinking before a bfp until the wonders of mumsnet!

TillyTellTale · 13/03/2014 16:36

The OP really doesn't need to look up FAS to make an informed decision. Hmm

She just needs to check the strength of her wine, and measure her glass, to check she keeps under the recommendations.

whereisshe Fair enough for you, but lots of people say they don't feel drunk after a bottle. Including on MN. The debates over that get.. quite erm, heated!

fatyellownectarine · 13/03/2014 16:45

I wouldn't, and didn't.

It's worth remembering that alcohol is a poison. It is found in the amniotic fluid, even after ingestion of a moderate dose. Alcohol is eliminated from the amniotic fluid at one-half the rate at which it is eliminated from the maternal blood; therefore, it remains in the fetal circulation after it is no longer in the mother’s bloodstream.

If you don’t think alcohol is a poison, take an egg and drop it into a bowl filled with an alcoholic drink. After a period of time, you'll notice that parts of the egg are cooked.

It says on the drinkaware page that the healthiest option is not to drink because scientists aren't sure what the effects of small amounts on alcohol on a baby's brain.

FASD is also a spectrum, so you will never know whether that drink of 1-2 units affected your baby's development. Why risk it?

Guessing I'll get flamed for this as it's not what people want to hear, but is it really worth it? I know the attitude on mumsnet can be very me me me but if I were you I wouldn't. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/03/2014 20:26

euro

I did say plan...I plan lots of things that don't quite work out Grin

So whilst I might plan to quit when ttc - who knows if that will be how it works out. As you say, it may take some time to conceive etc.

sykadelic · 14/03/2014 01:40

If you are predisposed to foetal alcohol syndrome then even that "small" amount would be dangerous to the baby.

Why not drink non-alcoholic wine if it's the taste you're after?

FWIW I don't drink and think your 1-2 glasses of wine 3-4 days a week IS a lot of alcohol, especially given the alcoholic content of some wine. I also think it's weird that you're craving the alcohol and need it to wind down.

That said, I've noticed drinking and the "need" for it is a VERY common theme here on MN.

As you asked - while I wouldn't say anything (because people are crazy and you never know how they're going to flip out), I would consider you an incredibly irresponsible parent-to-be if I saw you drinking and point you out to whoever I was with and it would probably start a discussion about how it's a good thing we're not pregnant for as long as elephants if even 9 months is "too long" to abstain from something that has a proven risk.

Glasshammer · 14/03/2014 02:03

The uk advice says not to do it BUT when I looked into proper studies/research there was evidence to support having one or two units a week. The parents who had one or two units a week had the best behaved and most adjusted children. Reported by the telegraph 2014, however I have read about other studies while last pregnant in 2010. I think the NHS puts simple black and white advice out because it doesn't believe people are capable if making intelligent informed decisions.

Twilightsparklesmama · 14/03/2014 03:54

What fatyellow said. I didn't drink during either of my pregnancies and do judge those who do.