AIBU to be considering having the odd small glass of wine whilst pregnant?

[KitKat1985]

Hello all. :)

I found out I was pregnant in early January. It was planned and me and DH were very happy. I abstained from alcohol the minute I found out. However, I can't deny I do miss relaxing with a glass of wine. (To be clear I've never been a heavy drinker, usually having a glass, or maybe two, 3-4 times a week beforehand). I am nearly about to finish the first trimester (12+5 today) and am wondering if it would be terrible just to have a small glass of wine about once a week? For example am probably going to go out for dinner with DH this Saturday (I work a lot of weekends, and DH doesn't, so it's nice for us to do something as a couple when we both get the day off together). AIBU? If you saw a pregnant woman in a restaurant drinking a glass of wine would you think she was in the wrong? Am genuinely interested in what other women do about alcohol when pregnant.

tinytear I can understand why you err on the side of extreme caution. Wishing you a successful pregnancy soon.

I drank a half a pint of guiness every week of my pg with ds, and though I wanted to drink occassionally when pg with dd, I was sick through a lot of the pregnancy, so didn't really. In the last week of my first pregnancy, I was so uncomfortable and tired (but couldn't sleep), my midwife actually told me that one small glass of wine with my dinner in the evening was ok...was better to have a bit of wine to relax and get some sleep than to abstain! If my kids aren't 'ok', I'm afraid that's more to do with their paretnage than the alcohol!

I drank the odd glass of wine and half pint of beer when pregnant, the advice then was that there is no evidence that a few units of alcohol a week does any harm. The evidence hasn't changed people are just wanting to send out a strong signal that alcohol can harm the foetus and some people have difficulty stopping when they start. I went off coffee totally.

This was in the news yesterday

"The study on 1,264 women in Leeds showed drinking more than the two units limit doubled the risk of premature birth, but even drinking at the limit increased the risk."

""They shouldn't drink, they should stop drinking if they have been drinking during the pregnancy.""

"Dr Patrick O'Brien, a spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, said: "While the safest approach would be to choose not to drink at all, small amounts of alcohol, not more than one to two units once or twice a week, have not been shown to be harmful after 12 weeks of pregnancy."

• which is basically what most people have suggested. Avoid drinking in the 1st trimester, after that keep to 1-2 units.

Another quote from that article:

"While the safest approach would be to choose not to drink at all, small amounts of alcohol, not more than one to two units once or twice a week, have not been shown to be harmful after 12 weeks of pregnancy.

I am two days further along than you!

All the advice says don't do it because no one knows how much is safe, so since one small glass is probably the minimum I wouldn't judge you for it.

However, do be aware that some people will. I don't know about you, but I don't look pregnant at all yet, so what you do at the restaurant probably doesn't matter, but once you are showing then I have heard of other women getting nasty comments for drinking in public while pregnant.

Maybe I am 'lucky' - my MS has been so bad that I haven't missed drinking at all so far.

i must be so selfish..

i am thinking about TTC child number 2 later this year (around late summer, early autumn) and the thought of going without a couple of glasses of bucks fizz over christmas (if i manage to get pregnant) makes me feel so sad! also, couldn't live witout a drop of baileys (diluted with plenty of milk) over christmas.

fell pregnant with DD early december and got so drunk on new year's eve (on vodka) had no idea i was pregnant and wasn't trying, but i remember feeling so guilty when the pregnancy test was positive. needless to say, she is absolutely fine (thank god)

is it worse to drink that one glass of wine a week in the first trimester? is that something we shouldn't risk?

OP, YANBU at all. enjoy.

I think Dr. Partick O'Brien's advice is what the current guidelines are based on. The recent study found "drinking more than the two units limit doubled the risk of premature birth, but even drinking at the limit increased the risk."

Yes I would have a few here and there, or beer....

It helps to relax you.

This latest study found drinking (even within the limit) in early pregnancy slightly increased the risk of premature birth - so the advice is to avoid alcohol in the 1st trimester.

I drink so little anyway I would class myself as a "non-drinker" (but not TeeTotal because I use alcohol (Amarretto) in marzipan and Christmas cake or (Baileys) in cheesecake )
But the last alcoholic drink I had ? Over 5 years ago. Only because I wasn't driving that week and I had some leftover Baileys.

I had half a glass of Cava + orange on my birthday when I was 3 months pg with my DS (now 14)

Alcohol doesn't bother me.
Other people drinking alcohol doesn't bother me.
Pg women drinking alcohol........I didn't think about it much until I saw that 15 yo Dominic on the BBC news this morning.

And I was so how his birth mother has fucked up his life.

If someone does judge you, it's just the beginning of years of judgement - some people seem to see foetuses, babies and small children as common public property and feel they know better than the parents how to safeguard them. Learn now to have a thick skin and how to ignore them.

In answer to your question, no I wouldn't judge a pregnant woman having a small glass of wine. I did occasionally when I was pregnant, with a nice meal. The risk is low. Personally I avoided it until I was past the bulk of the neural formation and it wasn't a regular occurrence but I'm intelligent enough to know the difference between the odd half a glass and FAS inducing levels of drinking.

I did, on the other hand, avoid all OTC drugs and was very careful about listeria. But I ate runny eggs and rare meat as I felt the risk of salmonella and toxoplasmosis respectively were low. I tried to avoid "rules" as they're generic and driven by lowest common denominator policy setting, and looked for reasoned, evidence based advice that reflected my situation (not all pregnancies are the same). I found the book Bumpology helpful, and a sensible midwife was invaluable.

No i wouldnt risk it tbh. I followed all the guidelines as much as i could because i miscarried at 11 weeks previous to gettibg ptegnant with dd.But thats just my opinion and its your life, I wouldnt think any less of you.

I wouldn't judge you, I had on average one glass of wine a week when pregnant with DD and same again this time, I'm currently 37 weeks, once morning sickness stopped!! Like you, I really enjoy a glass and although was not a heavy drinker before, I do enjoy a glass of vino in the evenings. DD seems fine by the way!

Work out how much money you will save not drinking much over the 9 months and use that to get a glass of bubbly or something extra special. I would have one glass if I didn't feel so sick.

Oh and by the way drank a disgusting amount in my last pregnancy for the first 2 months because I had no idea I was pregnant. Dd is fine.

I didn't. Your call of course.

Thanks all for your comments and advice. As I say I know it's a contentious issue and raises a lot of strong feelings for some people, but I asked for opinions so that's fine, and everyone is entitled to their views.

Oddly I started looking pregnant very early on, (undoubtedly bloating rather than baby I know, but still gave the game away to the point that work colleagues guessed when I was only 10 weeks), and particularly by the evening most days I look more like 5 months than 3, so yes I do think someone would realise I was pregnant if they saw me in a restaurant of an evening. The general consensus from here and other people I've spoken to is that yes, a small amount of alcohol occasionally should be fine, especially once past the first trimester, so I think that's probably what I'll do. I probably won't even have a drink every week, but it's nice to have one occasionally, especially if out for dinner for a treat or similar, or if it's a special occasion.

It is difficult though to know where to draw the line on 'risk' especially as there's a lot of conflicting advice and people with very strong opinions. I've been on Mumsnet for a little while now and I've heard people say that they wouldn't do the following during pregnancy:

1. Go in a car, unless absolutely essential, in case of the risk of being in an accident.
2. Eat in a restaurant / get a take-away because they wouldn't know how their food was prepared.
3. Go on a plane, even for a short-haul flight, in case they got DVT.
4. Drink a cup of tea (even one cup a day) because it contains some caffeine.

I am doing all of the above still, so I guess I must be a terrible mother-to-be in the eyes of some people, but as much as I of course want this baby to be born healthy, I also feel that I have to keep on living as normal a life as possible in the meanwhile, and that it is possible to get a bit excessively risk-adverse during pregnancy. But as I say, it's hard to know where the 'line' is sometimes.

Thank you to everyone for their comments. I appreciate the honest feedback.

Yanbu yanbu yanbu.

I drank on the rare docial occasion, maybe half a glass once a month, but if it was appropriate twice in a week if I wanted!

I think the most practical advice anyone can give you now is that you make sure that you are actually having one or two units a week. A unit isn't the same thing as a glass, although many people think they are the same thing. Which is why the official recommendation is firstly, not to drink at all, as they know that if they just said "two units is fine", lots of women would end up nearer five. "No alcohol" isn't harder for people to misconstrue!

So, here you are.
www.drinkaware.co.uk/check-the-facts/what-is-alcohol/what-is-an-alcohol-unit

Large wine glasses hold 250ml, which is one third of a bottle. It means there can be nearly three units or more in just one glass. So if you have just two or three drinks, you could easily consume a whole bottle of wine – and almost three times the government's daily alcohol unit guidelines – without even realising. Smaller glasses are usually 175ml and some pubs serve 125ml.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/understand-your-drinking/unit-calculator

For example, on the calculator, two 175ml glasses of 13% wine is 4.6 units.

"No alcohol" is* harder for people to misconstrue!

Tilly, unable to type since the dawn of the keyboard!

Bottom line: it's YOUR pregnancy and it's YOUR decision. What other people choose to do is irrelevant. What other people (who aren't medical professionals) advise is irrelevant. Honestly if you try to balance every single piece of "you should/n't do xyz while pregnant" you will go mad.

So if you have just two or three drinks, you could easily consume a whole bottle of wine – and almost three times the government's daily alcohol unit guidelines – without even realising.

I sincerely hope most people would notice that they'd consumed a bottle of wine by observing how they feel! (ie drunk)...

If someone judges you for one glass of wine its a good time to learn the 'fuck off' look you will need later on once baby is born and everyone tells you all kind of shit permanently.