AIBU to be considering having the odd small glass of wine whilst pregnant?

[KitKat1985]

Hello all. :)

I found out I was pregnant in early January. It was planned and me and DH were very happy. I abstained from alcohol the minute I found out. However, I can't deny I do miss relaxing with a glass of wine. (To be clear I've never been a heavy drinker, usually having a glass, or maybe two, 3-4 times a week beforehand). I am nearly about to finish the first trimester (12+5 today) and am wondering if it would be terrible just to have a small glass of wine about once a week? For example am probably going to go out for dinner with DH this Saturday (I work a lot of weekends, and DH doesn't, so it's nice for us to do something as a couple when we both get the day off together). AIBU? If you saw a pregnant woman in a restaurant drinking a glass of wine would you think she was in the wrong? Am genuinely interested in what other women do about alcohol when pregnant.

Would you value the opinion of someone who judges you on how you decide to live your life during your pregnancy? Because I certainly don't. If someone judges me I really don't care because I don't value their opinion. What are they going to say? "You really shouldn't be drinking that?" My immediate response would be "mind your own fucking business" (but I'm not known for my gentle approach). I haven't avoided anything this pregnancy but mainly because I don't know what I should be avoiding (live nearer the USA and by God they have some strict guidelines about what pregnant women can and can't do!)

I'm coming up on 38 weeks pregnant with #2. I've drank alcohol on a pretty regular basis all the way through, maybe 2-3 times a week (up until recently because red wine gives me heartburn at the moment, but still enjoy a cold beer) on the advice of my OBGYN. I may be lucky in that I live in a small community but I've only once encountered some judgy von judgersons when I was at the airport last week seeing friends off and I was enjoying a beer. The filthy looks I got from a bunch of tourists were hilarious and only served to make me gulp loudly, finish my beer with a satisfied "aaaahhhhhh" and give them the stink eye in return.

If you're comfortable in your decision as to what you put in your body, don't pay any mind to what people may or may not say or think. I really don't care what other people do during their pregnancies, I certainly wouldn't push another pregnant woman to drink if she doesn't want to do that, nor do I judge other pregnant women who are completely risk averse.

Enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry about the judgement! Nobody will really be paying any attention

Well, in the OP's case, she's been teetotal since early January, so presumably she would notice a drunk feeling! But for other people who haven't had a break, that isn't necessarily a reliable indicator. People who are used to drinking a bottle of wine often don't feel drunk, because they have learnt to handle that amount. You wouldn't want them behind a wheel, mind!

It's like being given an 25% extra free! pack of Walkers instead of the normal pack size you're used to. Logically, you should feel full of crisps before you get to the bottom of this bigger packet, and end up saving the rest for later. Mysteriously, you end up eating them all!

Get given a bigger glass/higher proof than you're used to, and you get used to that instead.

We had a babysitter (in my youth) who, when pregnant, would down half a bottle of sherry whilst she was with us. She also had us buy her cigarettes whilst her husband was at work

He kids were absolutely fine, a good weight and lovely and healthy. What really screwed them up, was the divorce and alcoholism that followed, and the issues that lead to all the drinking in the first place.

She was (and still is) a very inspirational person and gave far more to us and her children than you would believe from reading this!

i wouldn't and didn't, it is a short time in your life not to have a drink
It makes me laugh when people say what a midwife has told them, midwives know a lot about pregnancy and birth but little about child development and even less about FASD
And when people tell you they drank and it has not harmed their child, they do not know that because they do not know what the child would have been had they not had a drink
The way to prevent any harm at all from alcohol is not to drink

I didn't drink, but I don't see a problem with a teeny tiny occasional bit.

YANBU

The medical advice isn't really medical but social. There is no evidence of alcohol being damaging at a low level. What they are concerned about is that if they say it's ok to drink a small amount, people will drink more than that. It annoys me when advice isn't based on medical grounds but is an attempt to manipulate the population. You see it now with the proposals to have sugar taxes and so one. Give us the information we need to make a decision but don't force it through taxation etc. It really does wind me up the creeping intrusion into our lives of 'public health' professionals.

I didn't drink once I found out I was pregnant but then had drank quite a bit up until then (6-7 weeks in) so was a bit paranoid. I was a bit OTT with being careful when pregnant then OTT when DS arrived and my stress probably stressed him out. I think you have a nice relaxed attitude which will translate when your baby is born which is a much better way to be iyswim.

You will get comments if you drink in public though. A friend of mine got comments as she was drinking a non-alcoholic beer. There are a lot of judgey pants out there!!

Good luck with your prgenancy!

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a pregnant woman having a glass of wine in a restaurant with dinner, or on a special occasion. Curious as to why you'd plan one a week though, why not just have one occasionally when there's something happening? I'm not being an old judgmental bitch, I had a few on my first pregnancy but that ended in an emergency dash to hospital (child was ok) so I swore blind I'd never take unnecessary risks if I was pregnant again so didn't on my second.

I'm 3 months pregnant too, and have 2 other children as well. I avoid alcohol all together while I'm pregnant, and while I was TTC too. I wouldn't judge you if I seen you with a glass of wine, I'd judge you if you were drunk though.

TillyTellTale in my past I used to drink 1-2 bottles of wine a night, and I may not have been falling over after a bottle but I was certainly drunk and knew it. Believe me, even regular drinkers still notice a whole bottle of wine!

The problem is that those who set medical policy seem to think everyone is stupid and irresponsible, and in need of being saved from themselves; hence they set policy like "no alcohol in pregnancy" assuming that women will get confused between a small glass and a whole bottle . Yet everyone on here who has had advice from a doctor has been told that 1-2 small glasses of wine a week is ok.

I had a few glasses of wine. Not often, because wine makes me want a cigarette, and that's definitely on the YABU list...

But as others have said, oh god the heartburn... I had a glass of champagne with a curry one day when we had friends over - and brought the whole lot back up again within an hour. Turns out lots of alcoholic bubbles on a full, 38w pregnant stomach is not a good mix

I think it's fine. Some people will judge, ignore them! I used to have one small glass of rose a week pregnant with DS, someone told me he'd definitely be born early and have a low birth weight due to my drinking. He was 8lbs 6oz and 5 days overdue. Haven't drunk through first trimester this time but have the odd radlers (really weak beer cut with cloudy lemonade) at the weekend but that's all.

I dont think yabu but i didnt and wouldnt . but i dont like to see pregnant woman drinking or smoking but that my veiw its up to you what you think is ok.

I am 31 weeks pregnant with my 2nd and have continued to have the odd glass of wine or beer at home. I actually find it better to have it at home though as I can measure it myself and as I have got bigger I do worry about people judging me. I tend to have a half pint of beer if I am out as I know that will be less than 2 units whereas it's quite hard to get 125ml glasses of wine. I would not judge though as that would be a touch hypocritical!

I haven't yet (am almost 37 weeks) but plan to have a glass to celebrate the start of maternity leave this weekend. The only reason I haven't soon is that the smell of wine up until recently has made me want to throw up big time. I think if it's a now and again thing it's fine though I wouldn't risk it so soon in a pregnancy but that's just me.

For me I don't drink or smoke while I am pregnant. I wouldn't take the risk. It is only wine after all.

However it is your body and your choice.

Google fetal alcohol syndrome so you are making an informed decision.

don't actually think the odd glass twice a week can cause fetal alcohol syndrome really do you.

fairly laughable.

of course op being just a woman and now pregnant so definatly unable to be trusted as a functioning human being you may not stop at one glass you may feel the need to just drink the bar dry!!

I remember being pregnant with ds2 in 1991 and the advice was against having hot baths.

that's when I decided to ignore all stupid advice.

Just FYI pregnant women in France don't usually drink - the official advice in France is not to have any alcohol during pregnancy.

The extent to which alcohol has become the main battleground for behaviour in pregnancy is completely ridiculous. We're exposing ourselves to all manner of risks which could have an impact on our babies every minute of every day.

There's two ways of looking at it:

1. even if there's little evidence of the impacts of small quantities, alcohol is easily avoided. It is in our control when so many other risks aren't.

2. that the impact of small quantities of alcohol, stacked against all the other risks we face, is too small to concern ourselves with so we may as well enjoy an occasional drink as in the grand scheme of things it's trivial.

In practice I'm largely doing (1) despite the fact I subscribe to the idea of (2) - so I wouldn't judge anyone for light drinking but for me it's been as easy so far not to. I happily have the odd sip (if DH is drinking something interesting I want to know what it tastes like) but as yet haven't sat down with a glass of wine all to myself - I keep planning to do so and then don't.

When I was pregnant with DS1 I looked forward to my Friday night G&T with a carefully measured out unit.

No premature babies here.

If people abstain for the whole time that's their choice, just as it's yours to enjoy the odd one.

I suspect that people who would judge a woman they don't know for having a glass of wine when pregnant are the same people who would try and stop her having a termination if she wished. Some people like telling women how they should live and use foetuses as an excuse.

Go on, I'll play. I don't drink often, so when I do I'm a real lightweight. Plenty of advice says it's fine to have an occasional drink if pregnant or breastfeeding. So I did - maybe 2 units at a time, maybe a mont or two apart, while my son was breastfed. Even if he didn't take a feed until 2 days later (this was in the later stages, when 3 feeds a week was not unusual) he would flush bright red, go woozy and on 2 occasions threw up. Coincindence, for my otherwise healthy son?

Point is, guidelines are based on trends and statistics. What you can't account for is how your body metabolises something you consume, whether enough alcohol passes to the child, how they metabolise it and how crucial that day's development.

Want to take the risk? Statistically your little one will be fine. But is a glass of wine so important to you that it's worth the risk?

I wouldn't judge you though. In the same way I hope you don't judge me eating runny eggs in pregnancy ;-)