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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked DP to propose again?

67 replies

Vespar7 · 10/03/2014 18:56

DP and I have been together for about 6 and a half years and have a 1 year old DD. I am pregnant again. Neither of us is particularly bothered about marriage though it would make things more stable if something happened to one of us. I have been working abroad for the last few weeks and DD is with me. DP came over on Thursday and since then we have spent every minute with his brother and his girlfriend who just happen to be visiting the city at the same time. I was a bit annoyed because we live 5 minutes from them at home so it is not like we never see them. They left last night.

Today we went for lunch with DD and he just blurted out will you marry me. It was so casual I thought it was a joke at first. I started speaking before my brain was engaged and before I knew it I had asked him to ask me again properly. Was I BU to say this? I thought the least he could have done was take me out alone. Right now I feel like he just squeezed me in between all the time spent with his brother. I am feeling quite mean right now.

OP posts:
Armadale · 10/03/2014 18:57

Do you think maybe he has been really missing you at home and has been desperate to ask you since he got there but this is his first opportunity?

formerbabe · 10/03/2014 18:58

Maybe he was nervous? Its not the most romantic proposal ever but cheer up...he wants to marry you!

saintmerryweather · 10/03/2014 18:58

Surely its more important that hes asked you?

mummymeister · 10/03/2014 19:01

what is asking you again properly? what does that mean? sorry just do not get it. its like the people that want to renew their vows. you made a vow that is a forever promise why do it twice if the first one was forever and you meant it. sorry OP. he has asked you and if it were me I would be really hacked off at being asked to do it again only properly.

BigPawsBrown · 10/03/2014 19:03

Oh my God, is there any other question you wold ask someone to ask you again 'properly' when you both know what the answer will be? You have a child together! Just be happy that he asked and that you want to both spend your lives together - build a life, not a proposal.

HyvaPaiva · 10/03/2014 19:03

YABU. I'd be so offended if I were him.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/03/2014 19:05

Is he normally the type of man who goes in for 'romantic' gestures ie flowers, gifts, Valentine cards, without being prompted? Or are you just the sort of --pwincess- person who wishes he would? Because if you want flowers and violins and a proleporn-mag-worthy setpiece of a proposal and he's not into all that, then I can't see the marriage being all that great, let alone the Moment He Proposed.

BeetlebumShesAGun · 10/03/2014 19:06

When DP proposed to me I was 38 weeks pregnant, in my pj's and dressing gown watching Made in Chelsea while he played on the laptop! He just came out with "do you want to get married?" I was a bit Hmm and said er, you know I do. He then said "I mean do you want to marry me? I've got a ring and stuff" not the most romantic ever but I asked him about it and he said he just wanted to ask me!

I don't think you need a fancy proposal once you've been together a while and have children - children are more of a commitment to each other than marriage IMO.

Burren · 10/03/2014 19:09

Deeply U. Imagine you have asked someone you love something usually seen as a hugely significant and self-revealing question, and rather than answering it, your beloved implies you haven't done it properly and asks you to do it again, but completely differently.

And why would he not propose in the presence of your little girl, who is the product of your commitment to one another? Similarly, as you've said yourself you're neither of you fussed about marriage, so why wouldn't he be casual?

Hiphopopotamus · 10/03/2014 19:09

I really don't understand the importance of making 'the question' a big thing. Surely if you want to get married and you have talked about it and are in agreement, then you are engaged. What the hell is the point of making him repeat the question? In my option YABU.

fideline · 10/03/2014 19:10

YABU

Why would you not prefer spontaneous and heartfelt to staged and awkward?

HauntedNoddyCar · 10/03/2014 19:14

Poor bloke! Just tell him yes and that you were caught by surprise.

Onesleeptillwembley · 10/03/2014 19:15

We gets asked you. Grow up and don't be so pathetic!

Onesleeptillwembley · 10/03/2014 19:15

We gets = err he

Innogen · 10/03/2014 19:15

Yabu. I'd be heartbroken if my proposal wasn't good enough. Needing a fancy proposal is a result of wishful, rom com thinking.

Your second proposal will be so contrived, if you do actually get it.

Turn round to him now and tell him you want to marry him. Ask to go ring shopping together this weekend.

Finola1step · 10/03/2014 19:15

YABU

He asked you. You threw it back in his face.

You should apologise and propose to him now, in a way you would both like.

Proposals don't need to be about the grand gestures. It's about being honest with each other and telling each other that you want to grow old together.

If I was you, I would sort this pretty quick before too much damage is done.

Egusta · 10/03/2014 19:16

My DH asked me when we were both suffering from food poisoning, were in our pjs all white and sweaty after taking turns vomiting in the loo and we were sitting utterly drained and knackered in front of Homes Under the Hammer.

Strangely though, I think it was desperately romantic.!!! Grin

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 10/03/2014 19:18

What would be the point of that though? Not being mean. Just genuinely dont understand. So you can remember that you made him propose in the right way?
it wouldnt be real though, would it? You'd both know that he asked you genuinely and you made him do it over . Is that even going to be a 'moment'? Ahh. Remember when you propozed and i got you to do it again. Hey kids did i ever tell you the story of how i planned your dad's proposal .
I get that you probably had some romantic ideal in mind but directed is not romantic.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 10/03/2014 19:19

I know its not z. I have fat fingers

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/03/2014 19:22

What is the right way to propose.... 12 red roses a siz carat rock and magnum of champagne???

Think you DP deserved a better response.

Mrswellyboot · 10/03/2014 19:23

I don't think your pathetic but you have a child together so you are committed to each other and I would be glad of the proposal (even if you did want a more romantic one)

It is just that you are already very comfortable and he didn't feel the need for a huge gesture.

Mrswellyboot · 10/03/2014 19:23

You're

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/03/2014 19:24

I'm afraid I agree with most of the posters above. A proposal is the agreement to marry, not an opportunity for you to show off to everyone about a "romantic moment". By all means check this is what he wants, rather than a throw away line, but asking him to ask again is silly. Given that you're on baby number 2, you surely are beyond playing games.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 10/03/2014 19:28

Yabu how is a staged 2nd proposal going to be remotely romantic.

Morgause · 10/03/2014 19:28

YABU. Serves you right if he changes his mind. Wink

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