To have asked DP to propose again?

[Vespar7]

DP and I have been together for about 6 and a half years and have a 1 year old DD. I am pregnant again. Neither of us is particularly bothered about marriage though it would make things more stable if something happened to one of us. I have been working abroad for the last few weeks and DD is with me. DP came over on Thursday and since then we have spent every minute with his brother and his girlfriend who just happen to be visiting the city at the same time. I was a bit annoyed because we live 5 minutes from them at home so it is not like we never see them. They left last night.

Today we went for lunch with DD and he just blurted out will you marry me. It was so casual I thought it was a joke at first. I started speaking before my brain was engaged and before I knew it I had asked him to ask me again properly. Was I BU to say this? I thought the least he could have done was take me out alone. Right now I feel like he just squeezed me in between all the time spent with his brother. I am feeling quite mean right now.

[eurochick]

Oh dear. What a pickle. I think romcoms have a lot to answer for.

I didn't have the most romantic proposal either. We had a nice restaurant booked for my birthday. Did mr euro ask me there? No, he asked me while I was halfway through getting ready with my right eye make up done and the left not... It gives me something to take the piss about. I wasn't looking for a grand gesture but he could at least have waited for me to get ready!

But the marriage has been great, and that's what really counts.

[notnowImreading]

This is what you need to watch (from 4:05)
touch.dailymotion.com/video/xkkdf9_smack-the-pony-2002-season-3-episode-4_shortfilms

[notnowImreading]

'Can't you just, you know, come at me out of the mist or something?'

[ToffeePenny]

I don't think you were BU, you just got caught off guard (unsurprising given the heady combination of a 1 year old, pregnancy, travel, working, and in laws)

I feel that if one of the two equal parties in a couple decides to take up the proverbial reins and ask the other then it should be done with the full attention of both parties, regardless of whether that happens in conjunction with a Hollywood-style proposal or not, and that wasn't possible in your situation.

Fwiw I never proposed to DH or received a proposal, was just sort of assumed into marriage. I would have felt cheated though if he'd decided to be in charge of moving us onto the next adventure, decided to go down the formal boy-asks-girl proposal route and then squashed it into normal life - why bother making it a 'thing' in the first place (rather than a mutual agreement) if you're going to do that?

[Lauren83]

YABU

My DP proposed outside the house on our bench, we went out into the garden one night for a coffee in summer and he told me to sit down (I had to go put my warm socks on before we went out, I was in my pjs) he started this speech and I didn't listen and kept offering to get him a tea towel to sit on as the bench was wet, he must of said about 5 times he didn't want to sit down but I eventually got one and made him sit on it so he proposed sat on a soggy tea towel!

Afterwards I had to admit I didn't listen to a word he said do could he tell me again! It was perfect for us though!

[ToffeePenny]

mumteedum



(from another mum who never gets them from her OH either)

[WooWooOwl]

YANBU.

When DH proposed to me I told him the answer was no until he got down on one knee and asked properly. Even though I could see the ring by then and I was desperate to put it on. We have been happily married for five years now.

[GiniCooper]

YABU, apologise to the man.

I agree with whoever said romcoms have a lot to answer for.
How many of our parents discussed this stuff.
My mother didn't even have an engagement ring.

I think you should ask him now TBH.

[IneedAwittierNickname]

My friend gave her (then) dp a list of rules for when he proposed. She told him that if he didn't stick to them she would say no
He did, and they are now happily married.

I was engaged at 18 (thankfully never married him) and would have been gutted if he hadn't got down on 1 knee. Now I'm older, I'd ne happy with any proposal. Provided it was from someone I wanted to marry that is!

[Fairenuff]

If you had said yes you would be engaged by now. Instead you have turned him down.

Hopefully when you talk to him you can smooth things over and decide together if you want to be married.

Who knows, you might laugh about this one day...

[Topaz25]

I proposed to DH in hospital after he had a health scare that fortunately turned out not to be serious. We had discussed marriage before but it was very spontaneous and not the most romantic setting! The situation just reaffirmed my feelings for him and I wanted him to know I would always be there for him, in sickness and in health. (Yes, I am a bit dramatic!)

He said yes but also wanted to ask me, which he did a few months later in our kitchen. I literally jumped for joy and our dogs joined in! It wasn't stereotypically romantic, but it was real and a redone, forced, scripted proposal wouldn't have been.

If neither of you is particularly bothered about marriage and you see it as more of a practical thing, then your DP might not have known you had set ideas about a "proper" proposal. Just a tip to make wedding planning easier: let go of all the fussy little wedding things you think you 'should' do but that don't mean anything to the two of you.

You have been together for over 6 years and you have a child, I think it's time to have an adult conversation about whether you want to get married, which it sounds like he was trying to do but it was too matter of fact for you. Surely what matters is your future together not one moment?

[Apatite1]

I had a great proposal (sorry) but I would have married him if he'd presented a ring pull on a used tissue whilst watching the footy. It's the question that matters. Happily married for almost 3 years now.

[MyNameIsKenAdams]

It amazes me how many women were acting like grumpy cows or similar on the day they were proposed to. Of me and my friends, 80 percent of us recall the proposal story with "god and id been a right PITA all day" and a guilty face

Not everything has to happen like in the movies.

[halfwildlingwoman]

YABU. If I was him I wouldn't ask again. A week after DP and I decided to get married he said, 'Erm, er, d'you want like a ring or something?' I said no, I'd rather the money went towards the house renovations. But we arethe least romantic.couple in the world. He has bought me flowers about twice in 15 years and unless they are British grown blooms I wouldn't be happy anyway. And don't get me started.on blood diamonds in
engagement rings.

[Quinteszilla]

I know an event manager, if you discuss your needs with her, she can help your dp put together the perfect proposal, complete with Ice Figure penguins, and elton john. Maybe she can arrange a figure skater to skate up to you carrying your dp over her head, and with the ring between her teeth. Elton john is of course also there, playing an ice piano, on the ice.

[lynniep]

poor bloke. I'm not surprised you're feeling mean. go apologise for your knee jerk reaction then say yes :)

[mumteedum]

ToffeePenny I meant to say Thank you for your lovely but my phone was playing up.

Here are some for you too!

OP - any update? Hope it all got sorted.