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AIBU?

To have asked DP to propose again?

67 replies

Vespar7 · 10/03/2014 18:56

DP and I have been together for about 6 and a half years and have a 1 year old DD. I am pregnant again. Neither of us is particularly bothered about marriage though it would make things more stable if something happened to one of us. I have been working abroad for the last few weeks and DD is with me. DP came over on Thursday and since then we have spent every minute with his brother and his girlfriend who just happen to be visiting the city at the same time. I was a bit annoyed because we live 5 minutes from them at home so it is not like we never see them. They left last night.

Today we went for lunch with DD and he just blurted out will you marry me. It was so casual I thought it was a joke at first. I started speaking before my brain was engaged and before I knew it I had asked him to ask me again properly. Was I BU to say this? I thought the least he could have done was take me out alone. Right now I feel like he just squeezed me in between all the time spent with his brother. I am feeling quite mean right now.

OP posts:

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Only1scoop · 10/03/2014 19:30

It sounds like you had both discussed getting married etc so whats the big deal.... And with dc 2 on the way big huge gestures seem a bit silly.

HadABadDay2014 · 10/03/2014 19:32

i smell a huge brilliza type here.

if you love him and want to get married, then the proposal and the wedding day is not important. the marriage and relationship is.

Winterwardrobetime · 10/03/2014 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theeternalstudent · 10/03/2014 19:33

Egusta I think that's really romantic! Can't quite find the words to describe why but I think it is.

I would hate a staged proposal. Surely it's much better for 2 consenting adults to have a serious conversation about how they would like their future to be.

But then I'm as romantic as a wet fish.

Vespar7 · 10/03/2014 19:33

Oh no what have I done!! It was just that after the last few days when he hadn't really tried to spend anytime alone with me (DP is from a different country so him and his brother speak a language I can't really understand) I thought that he could have made the effort to ask me alone. I said what I did before really thinking. Oh dear!

OP posts:

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 10/03/2014 19:35

Poor bloke! But it does sound rather like you blurted out your response which is easily done, and you've recognised that, so just tell him he caught you on the hop, and you'd love to (assuming you do !)

I hope congrats are in order then

CrohnicallyFarting · 10/03/2014 19:38

I thought egusta's preposal was really romantic too. Something about he's seen you at your absolute worst and not only did he not want to run away screaming, it popped into his head that he wanted to marry you. I guess he really meant the 'in sickness and in health' part!

AndHarry · 10/03/2014 19:38

Well I had a pretty pants proposal and it does still rankle when I think about it (rarely) 6 years later.

Laska42 · 10/03/2014 19:38

mine asked me over his shoulder whilst we were out cycling and then sped off !! ....I caught up with him though!

8 years on we still laugh about it . My best friend made him get down on one knee at the wedding... (of course I said yes again, but the cycling proposal still makes me laugh) .

Meow75 · 10/03/2014 19:41

What do you mean on your own - you didn't 't want DD there?!?!

Your DP's brother has gone; he asked you at the first opportunity otherwise. I'd have read it that he was desperate to ask you, but wanted to do it without his brother as audience.

You owe him an apology I think, and if he's gracious enough to accept it hopefully the story will be a funny one to tell the kids in years to come.

Breadkneadslove · 10/03/2014 19:42

YWBU,but it's easily fixed, propose to him and follow it with an apology for being responding like a tit!

Burren · 10/03/2014 19:42

Well, I think your (drip-feeding) recent post changes things a bit. If your partner and his brother (despite there being no reason they shouldn't see one another regularly if you live close by) spent several days excluding you by talking in your presence in a language you don't speak, I'm not surprised you were feeling resentful and disinclined to be pleased at a proposal.

monkeynuts123 · 10/03/2014 19:43

I think you're going to have to ask him properly now.

HadABadDay2014 · 10/03/2014 19:44

perhaps they was talking about the proposal

justmyview · 10/03/2014 19:45

Perhaps you could backtrack a little and say you were caught by surprise and needed time to think ("Can we discuss this again when I've had the chance to think about it?")

My own proposal went something like this - "I'm pregnant, my parents will freak out, do you think we'll end up getting married? If so, can I tell them we're engaged, as it might soften the blow?" Yes I feel cheated of that romantic proposal and it would have been lovely, but things don't always turn out as you would like. More importantly, DH is lovely & everything is fantastic 10 years later. That is far more important than a romantic proposal

LadyInDisguise · 10/03/2014 19:50

If you had been telling him that after a long reflection, I roils have said YABU.
However I am getting go the feeling you were surprised and throw out of balance by his question. Add to that the fact you wanted to spend time alone with him and couldn't and it didn't come out well

magimedi · 10/03/2014 19:51

My DH asked me to marry him as we sat by the gas fire trying to get warm & I said yes & then he told me he felt sick, because we had had a dodgy curry.

Nearly 30 years later we are still very happily married.

Proposal? Frankly I don't give a damn.

Vespar7 · 10/03/2014 20:01

Thanks for all your honest responses! As the day went on I started thinking that I had been a cow. I guess subconsciously I was disappointed that we hadn't had any time together and that is why it came out like it did. I am going to talk to him tonight once DD is in bed.

OP posts:

DoJo · 10/03/2014 20:02

How long ago was this? Has he said anything since? I would suggest that you propose to him, but if he might be planning something special to make up for the first one then that might make it worse!

I do think YABU, especially given that your main objection was your daughter being there, as I think it's nice for kids to be involved in big events like this. (Even my friend's daughter likes to hear the story of how she was at our wedding, in her mum's tummy). But it's whether your potential husband to be thinks YABU that counts - how did he react?

mumteedum · 10/03/2014 20:25

I get where you are coming from. Honest chat is good. Hope it goes well. Fwiw dh proposed in Non special way. Didn't think he was serious so I said yes in similarly silly way. Only realised days later he meant it. At time it felt kind of nice it was so laid back. As times gone on, I have sometimes felt as if he couldn't be bothered to make an effort. I guess what I'm saying is, it shouldn't matter if you are both happy but make sure you are honest about how you feel and vice versa.

I think my self esteem is quite low sometimes and perhaps I told myself I was ok about it when maybe I wasn't. Maybe I needed to feel special cos I'm not sure that he really thinks I am. Roll on few more years, and I've never had anything for Valentine's or mother's day now we have a child. I feel taken for granted and bit sad when friends have lovely treats from their ohs to let them know they're appreciated. It isn't the stuff but how secure you feel I suppose. Good luck and congrats if it is a 'go'!

FennCara · 10/03/2014 20:32

I asked XH to ask me again because he was absolutely wasted the first time, and didn't believe he meant it. If I hadn't been 19 and an idiot, I would have just said no once

I think your DP was probably nervous. I have no idea if you're BU really!

nkf · 10/03/2014 20:36

What did you want him to do? Do you want to marry him? Why didn't you say yes? Makes no sense. So, now he has to live up to ... what? At least give the poor guy some clues as to what "proper" means.

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ormirian · 10/03/2014 20:39

Yes. Do u want to marry him? If so what's the issue?

Writerwannabe83 · 10/03/2014 20:45

My DH's proposal wasn't particularly romantic and maybe a teeny tiny part of me felt cheated of the posh meal, down on one knee, romantic gesture scenario etc - but at the same time the simplicity of it was actually lovely.

The words, "Will you marry me?" never came out his mouth so in a way it felt like I was never proposed to, but as others have said we'd talked about marriage a lot during the relationship so we both knew it was something that was always going to happen.

I look back on it fondly though and it meant everything to me at the time, I was in complete shock as I hadn't been expecting it and just cried and cried - he also had tears in his eyes because of how emotional I was.

I think YABU to make him stage a 2nd proposal - what's the point if you know it's coming and you know it's been pre-planned?

Trooperslane · 10/03/2014 20:47

Ah he's asked you! Get a ring, woman and start planning.

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