Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 year old called my 3 year old a 'retard'. AIBU to not let the little shit ever darken my door again?

130 replies

StressHeadSally · 09/03/2014 20:43

DH's nephew. He is an absolute little shit. Treats his mother like a servant 'Give me a drink NOW'. Is a complete bully, in trouble at school and 'little shit' is NOT uncalled for. His parents do not discipline him and just sit on their arses while he does what he wants.

We see them every few months. They come for dinner today. I know what he's like as he bullies my other DS's (who are older than him but too polite to namecall or push back) and dread it.

DS3 loves visitors and follows him around. DS2 tells me that nephew called DS3 a retard, an idiot, stupid and that he hates him (this is after DS3 told him that he loves him Sad). He also tripped him over. He did not tell me this until after they had gone but said he had told him off. DS3 came crying to me a few times but I thought it was because he was upset that he was not getting a turn playing the game they were on.

DH is too much of a wuss to tell his brother to keep his kid in control as he's afraid of him.

I have told him that that kid is never to darken my door again. AIBU?

OP posts:
slithytove · 09/03/2014 21:21

YANBU

Your children come first in your home, and they need to know that you will stick up for them and support them.

DH is being a wuss.

You are going to have to tell them that until he can treat your DC with kindness / they step in when he misbehaves, the visits will be on hold.

MarmaladeShatkins · 09/03/2014 21:21

I agree with ZigZag and I have told DS the same after he was repeatedly attacked by the same boy in reception and the half-soaked dinnerladies couldn't impart any wisdom other than "Stay away from him." No, he pursues DS to attack him. How does that advice help?

So yes, I told him to thwack him one back which he did one day and managed to bring an entire mock space station down in the process That put a halt to it.

Coldlightofday · 09/03/2014 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarmaladeShatkins · 09/03/2014 21:26

I didn't call you specifically a muppet, since I posted my first post without reading any responses to the OP.

Yes some children behave in an appropriate way but it's not my job to parent them. If my child is made to cry/become upset because of another vile child, I'm not concerned with furrowing my brow over his parents lack of child-raising skills and gently explaining to him about hurtful words. He won't give a crap anyway. Kids like that never do and I should know; I'm unfortunate enough to have to be in close proximity to one on a regular basis! Any attempt to straighten him is met with a smirk.

Plus, he's 8. He must have an inkling that it's wrong. I'm guessing that even if his half-arsed parents haven't given him much guidance in this area, his 4 years of schooling should have taught him a bit?

slithytove · 09/03/2014 21:27

And yes, if there is no other solution, I would certainly discipline the little shit this child yourself. In front of his parents if possible.

MarmaladeShatkins · 09/03/2014 21:27

Oh and yes, OP's DH is a massive blouse.

If someone called DS a retard in this house, DH would be through the roof.

slithytove · 09/03/2014 21:27

the little shit

YouTheCat · 09/03/2014 21:28

Cold, maybe that's because some children do act like little shits but the 'retard' word is absolutely abhorrent?

I know lots of children. Some of them act like little shits. What is the problem with saying that?

AgentZigzag · 09/03/2014 21:29

I think probably no Coldlight, I definitely wouldn't advise my 4 YO to do that Grin

But DD1 had tried other things which hadn't worked and it was getting out of hand. The other things I mentioned, telling the teacher etc, are things to go for first.

Lots of children are cruel and cutting, I think sometimes the DC on the receiving end have the right to take back some of their self respect/power, if the other DC don't like that or the adults around them think that's wrong, tough tits

waltermittymissus · 09/03/2014 21:31

Wanna You're fine with calling a child 'a little shit' but you're far too sensitive to type the word 'retard' in full?

Are you seriously trying to suggest these two things are equally offensive?

And why the fuck should the OP be watching her three year old more closely or not letting him do things in his own home?

OP, I get that you're upset but your dh is being the shit here not this 8 year old who have obviously not been taught that his behaviour is unacceptable.

I would phone BIL/SIL yourself tell them what happened and explain that you think a break would be wise until their ds learns to control his bullying and your dc learn to be more assertive.

OddFodd · 09/03/2014 21:32

Yes it's the parents faults that he's a little shit but I wouldn't have a kid in my house again who'd been horrible to my child, especially if they were a lot younger. Children should have the right to feel happy and secure in their own home

usualsuspect33 · 09/03/2014 21:33

No one ever really likes other peoples kids though, well they don't on MN anyway.

Everyone elses kid is always 'a little shit' on here.

MarmaladeShatkins · 09/03/2014 21:34

I don't even like my own so the chances of me liking anyone else's are slim.

YouTheCat · 09/03/2014 21:36

I can think of plenty of kids I like that aren't mine.

usualsuspect33 · 09/03/2014 21:36

I bet not everyone likes yours though.

AgentZigzag · 09/03/2014 21:37

'And why the fuck should the OP be watching her three year old more closely or not letting him do things in his own home?'

Because this isn't the time to prove a point that he has the right to feel safe in his own home. The OP plainly knew he behaved badly when she said 'Treats his mother like a servant...Is a complete bully, in trouble at school a...His parents do not discipline him and just sit on their arses while he does what he wants...I know what he's like as he bullies my other DS's.

Why would you throw your 3 YO to a child like that?

YouTheCat · 09/03/2014 21:38

Maybe she didn't think he'd stoop as low as to bully a toddler?

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 09/03/2014 21:39

I would have to say something to that child ,in front of his parents, which was age appropriate. If the parents did not like it then that would be tough and they wouldn't be invited to our house again. It is not the child's fault for having useless parents.

usualsuspect33 · 09/03/2014 21:39

I would have kept a close eye on my 3 year old in the OPs situation.

AgentZigzag · 09/03/2014 21:40

It would definitely cross my mind if he acted like that with everyone else Cat, and I wouldn't be letting my 3 YO be the test of it.

mymiraclebubba · 09/03/2014 21:44

Whilst I understand your rage I do think Yabvu to aim it at an 8 year old! His parents deserve it but jot the kiddy!!

Your dh (whilst spineless for not standing uo to his dbro) has a valid point about hisnjust being a kid. I would tell him that his dbro and family are no longer welcome until they reign in their spoilt little brat!

However as you didn't hear it are you absolutely certain it was said and one of your other dp's isn't just stirring the pot knowing your dislike for the nephew?!

Original poster
StressHeadSally · 09/03/2014 21:48

No I did not think he would do that to my little one.

DS3 was excited to play with him Angry. Had a massive row with H about it who insists it's 'just kids'. He has not connected that his cousin's used to do similar to him. In his culture bad behaviour from small DC is seen as 'cute' and laughed at. Nephew is far from cute now and the age difference between him and DS3 is big enough for nephews behaviour to have been disgusting.

H has had a row with his brother about nephew's behaviour before, I will give him that but now it is just left. I will have to stand up and say No More.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 09/03/2014 21:51

Agent, but it doesn't sound like the OP had the chance to watch her 3 year old as she was doing everything else whilst her dh sat on his arse.

waltermittymissus · 09/03/2014 21:51

Agent tbf that was more to an earlier poster who implied that the OP shouldn't have been letting her ds3 get in the way of the bully.

I remember my 2 year old being terrorised by the much older boy next door and one poster because there's always one saying that I should take my 2 year old in from the back garden and let next door's child have the run of it.

My point is that this is my ds's home and OP's house is ds3's home. He has a right to be safe and happy there and to play where he wants there.

OP obviously didn't think the bully would pick on her youngest (it reads like he hasn't done before) and has, I'm sure, learned her lesson so to speak.

I still think your inlaws need to be informed that they're not welcome until it gets straightened out. (But more diplomatically) Wink

slithytove · 09/03/2014 21:52

bubba she has aimed no rage at the 8 year old, she has vented it here. And she is entitled to be angry at her child being treated like that. We aren't perfect people, kids will piss us off at times and don't deserve to be spoken about in pc words all the time.

He acted like a shit.

When does just being a kid no longer apply? 10 is the age of criminal responsibility - this family need to catch on quick.

Swipe left for the next trending thread