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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to stop and give out to this woman

216 replies

spongebob13 · 08/03/2014 20:32

coming home last night from late night shopping on a dark windy country road and only for a car coming against me, with their headlights I spotted last second a woman walking in the dark in black. I swerved to avoid her and braked and the other car passed. I came to a stop. my heart was thumping and was shaking and i was so mad. I reversed and rolled down window. she stopped and looked in at me as if i was looking for directions not a bother on her. I said exactly "jesus Christ I nearly hit you. you are all in black! are you mad?" she said "what?" I said "I couldn't see you and it would be my fault if I hit you! " she said "fuck off" and walked on. I was in shock. haven't stopped thinking about it since. I swear if I knew who she was I'd report her but for what law she is breaking I don't know! selfish bint!

OP posts:
badbelinda · 08/03/2014 20:37

no law that I'm aware of. sounds like you got a fright but I bet she did too walking alone on isolated road and getting an earfull from complete stranger in a car.

CantUnderstandNewtonsTheory · 08/03/2014 20:38

Yanbu! Some people are so stupid Angry I hope you feel calmer soon Flowers

Joysmum · 08/03/2014 20:39

Completely normal for people to do that.

During the day is just as bad, I have horses and get hi vized up to the eyeballs but many don't and hikers wear country wear which tends to be greens and browns and they can't be seen either.

Of course it's not law to make yourself more visible but it's madness not to yet the majority don't.

SeaSickSal · 08/03/2014 20:39

She was bloody right to tell you to fuck off. Pedestrians are not obliged to wear hi vis vests. If you had your headlights on correctly and were driving at a reasonable speed you should have been able to see her and avoid her.

What if she'd gone out earlier and her lift home had let her down? And that's her route home? Do you expect her to sleep rough until it's light.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/03/2014 20:41

Was she walking in the road?

If so then that's where cars go and she shouldn't have been. It's that simple.

hercules1 · 08/03/2014 20:42

Horrible. Yanbu.

Adeleh · 08/03/2014 20:42

I don't think it's until you're a driver ourself that you appreciate just how hard it can be to see people in a bad light, even with headlights on. I sometimes want to make cyclists sit in my car and look at other cyclists with no lights or high vis clothing just to see how dangerous it is.

cardibach · 08/03/2014 20:44

Laurie I assume you don't live in the country. The shortest distance from my house I could walk before hitting a pavement is a mile and a half, and that one doesn't last for long. In the other direction it would be more like 3 miles. Your comment sounds a bit ridiculous and ignorant, tbh.

Picturesinthefirelight · 08/03/2014 20:44

YANBU

I'm assuming that as the op said it was a country road it was one without pavements. There are loads round where I live like that.

It would be next to impossible to see someone liked that. Was she walking towards you. I was always taught to walk facing the oncoming traffic.

gordyslovesheep · 08/03/2014 20:44

country roads don't always have pavements

You should have offered her a lift. She was unreasonable to not be walking against the traffic but you should slow down a bit maybe

ChinaChef · 08/03/2014 20:44

You stopped to harangue a woman on her own on a dark, empty, country road? You're lucky she didn't call the police

Here's a flash: cars don't own the fucking road. You're the driver, you're the danger. Have some humility.

AveryJessup · 08/03/2014 20:45

YWBU to shout at her. Fine if you got a fright, it's understandable but you were wrong to go back and have a go at her. She wasn't breaking the law , just being a bit foolhardy. If you were to stop and shout at every foolhardy person you met, you'd never get anything done!

Not surprised she told you to F off - you probably scared the life out of her, reversing back ( also a dangerous maneuver) and shouting at her like that.

badbelinda · 08/03/2014 20:45

Lots of country roads don't have pavements Laurie. I can imagine situations where you might have to walk and not have your high VI's jacket handy. I'd have been scared enough walking like that on my own and terrified if someone stopped to yell at me.

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 20:46

YANBU I almost ran a jogger over last night myself. She was late twenties, all in black and running down the lane that I was riding down....on a pushbike with lights....she had her head in the sky and didn't see me. I saw her at the last moment. I was thinking "Are you thick? Why are you al in black!!"

I always wear something reflective or white at night on my bike.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/03/2014 20:46

YWBU, the onus is on the driver to be alert for pedestrians.

TippiShagpile · 08/03/2014 20:47

No pavements anywhere near us. No street lights either.

BumpyGrindy · 08/03/2014 20:48

Really Sauvignon? It's a two way street in my opinion. Of course people need to be aware when they're driving but really...dressing in black and walking down a country lane? Deathwish much?

IamInvisible · 08/03/2014 20:48

If she was walking towards the oncoming traffic then she was fine.

If your lights were clean and well maintained, and you were driving at a safe speed then you should have seen her in plenty of time. DH works late and is home late, we live rurally and our cars get filthy. He washes our lights about 3 times a week or more.

ChinaChef · 08/03/2014 20:49

Astonishingly arrogant to assume that pedestrians and cyclists don't drive. We're not different species. But the onus is on drivers not to kill more vulnerable road users. Always. If you don't like it, don't drive.

HadABadDay2014 · 08/03/2014 20:50

I can't believe you did that to a person walking on her own.

I would have told you to fuck of too, but that's because you would have scared me 1/2 to death.

SauvignonBlanche · 08/03/2014 20:50

Yes, really.

Original poster
spongebob13 · 08/03/2014 20:50

offer her a lift? I don't pick up strangers. ok maybe was a bit shouty but she sure as hell wasn't threatened to begin with when she stopped and literally stuck her head in the window wondering what was going to ask her. listen, if I knocked her down if would be my fault regardless. she was in black, couldn't see her against black ditch .. I was travelling at normal speed its a bad road. just thought in the moment "selfish bitch if she wants to get killed do it somewhere else don't ruin my life with guilt cos you so stupid to not wear some reflective gear". she was also from what I could see dressed in walking gear, hat gloves raincoat ... didn't look like she was stranded by no means.

OP posts:
IamInvisible · 08/03/2014 20:52

I agree with you Sauvignon.

Original poster
spongebob13 · 08/03/2014 20:52

my car was spotless. just got it professionally valeted Monday, in and outside. i wish you could understand how there was no way i would have seen her only for the lights of an oncoming car made me realise something was moving alongside the ditch.

OP posts: