wibu to stop and give out to this woman

[spongebob13]

coming home last night from late night shopping on a dark windy country road and only for a car coming against me, with their headlights I spotted last second a woman walking in the dark in black. I swerved to avoid her and braked and the other car passed. I came to a stop. my heart was thumping and was shaking and i was so mad. I reversed and rolled down window. she stopped and looked in at me as if i was looking for directions not a bother on her. I said exactly "jesus Christ I nearly hit you. you are all in black! are you mad?" she said "what?" I said "I couldn't see you and it would be my fault if I hit you! " she said "fuck off" and walked on. I was in shock. haven't stopped thinking about it since. I swear if I knew who she was I'd report her but for what law she is breaking I don't know! selfish bint!

[FabBakerGirl]

You're right. When you drove too fast and texted you weren't driving like an idiot you were driving like a twat.

And if it is so dark that you can't see a person until you are nearly on them you either are driving too fast (likely) or have a problem with your lights (possible). If it is so potentially dangerous you should be even more vigilant. And I mean by sensible drivers standards, not yours.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

"STD - so the idiocy of the op makes it more important for her to have a go at the pedestrian so the pedestrian can learn to avoid such drivers in future?"

Did I not answer that when I said I would not reverse along a dark road to speak to a pedestrian, winterkills? For the avoidance of doubt, I have never stopped and berated or otherwise lectured any of the many invisible pedestrians or cyclists I have had to avoid when driving at night time and I do NOT condone what the OP did. However, neither do I condone what the pedestrian was doing. It is interesting that you seem more interested in making me out to be unreasonable, from one small point I made, rather than addressing the main points of my post, which I will reiterate below:

I genuinely believe that people do not realise how invisible they are, if they are wearing dark clothing at night - even in an area with streetlights, you often only see the person when they move, and the movement catches your eye - up to that point, they are invisible.

Yes, it is the driver's responsibility to give pedestrians and cyclists plenty of space, and to slow down when they pass them - but that is a whole lot easier if you can see the pedestrian or cyclist from further away. If you come upon them suddenly, because they are dressed all in black/dark clothing, you have far less time to react, and may not be able to avoid them. When our dses were doing their paper rounds, we impressed upon them that they needed to make themselves as visible as possible - lights on the bikes, hi-viz stripes, and the paperboy bags themselves are made to be hi-viz - they had to take as much responsibility for their own safety as possible. They couldn't force drivers to drive carefully, but they could make sure every driver could see them from as far away as possible.

Why is it a bad thing to suggest that anyone out on the roads should be as visible as possible from as great a distance as possible? If I thought there was a possibility that I might have to walk any distance at night, I would keep a hi-viz belt or strap in my bag, so I could put it on. If the car broke down, and I had to walk, I would put on the cheapie hi-viz jacket that is part of our emergency kit in the car.

[ilovesooty]

The OP has already said she doesn't care what led the woman to be on the road without being very visible and sneered and mocked the possible reasons for it. It makes me very disinclined to sympathise with her pov and her behaviour towards the pedestrian simply reinforces my opinion. Of course it helps if pedestrians are visible but I'm not surprised she responded to your aggressive behaviour as she did.

[spongebob13]

there was no possible reasons ... she was going for a walk, not stranded or anything. how do i know you ask? well i have been accused of speeding so how do ye all know for sure?

I'm still a little bit surprised over the few that said give her a lift. if i had my son with me and saw a woman thumbing or walking in the rain i would not offer her a lift as have seen it on the news and heard it locally about others then waiting in the ditch to hijack car once you stop for the woman.

[Logg1e]

OP there was no possible reasons ... she was going for a walk, not stranded or anything. how do i know you ask? well i have been accused of speeding so how do ye all know for sure?

We think you break the speed limit because you told us you do. But this pedestrian did not tell you what circumstances led to her being out there.

OP I'm still a little bit surprised over the few that said give her a lift. if i had my son with me and saw a woman thumbing or walking in the rain i would not offer her a lift as have seen it on the news and heard it locally about others then waiting in the ditch to hijack car once you stop for the woman.

I have pulled over and asked people if they're alright, but I'm local and you get to know people, don't you. Can you find one news report of your car-jacking happening? Sounds like Facebook nonsense to me.

[spongebob13]

www.aoninsure.ie/car_insurance/women_driving_alone

[spongebob13]

Never give lifts to strangers regardless of the situation

why am i being judged for not giving her a lift?

[Logg1e]

I'm not sure, I don't blame you for not giving her a lift. What does your link say about stopping, reversing and "giving out to her"?

[spongebob13]

for i think its the 4th time now ... i agree that i was unreasonable to do that!

[AgentProvocateur]

OP, I was one person who was surprised you hadn't offered her a lift. I guess you weigh it up; I'd think she would be more at risk from traffic than I would be from carjackers. I often offer, and accept, lifts from the station to the town where I live. I make a judgement - lone female, fine. Group of drunk men - let them walk the mile and a half.

Every time I've been on holiday in the north of Scotland or the western isles, cars always stop to offer a lift to people walking. I presumed this would be the same for most rural areas. Clearly not - my mistake.

I guess our background and experiences affect our driving behaviour.

[HopefulHamster]

I have to say, until I was a driver (only passed a few years back), I naively didn't realise how hard it was to see pedestrians or cyclists in dark colours. It probably wouldn't have occurred to me to wear hi-vis stuff. I do feel like their should be more education on this point.

At the same time, I am very careful to watch out for any pedestrians that could be around while I am driving.

[Adeleh]

You did say that the OP's reason for not giving a lift sounded like 'Facebook nonsense' Logg1e, so it's not very surprising that she feels judged by you for not having offered a lift.

[Logg1e]

To clarify, I can think of good reasons to not offer a lift. The risk of car-jackers jumping out of the ditch in a country lane is not one of them.

[southeastastra]

when i was little we were given so many talks at school about how to stay safe in the dark and were given reflective arm bands every year. i don't think either of my sons have had similar. people just don't realise how invisible they are in the dark. it's up to the individual to make themselves noticeable to suggest otherwise is a bit silly really.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

It isn't something that would leap to my mind either, Logg1e - and surely, if the carjackers were lurking in the ditch, they would have leapt into action when the OP reversed and stopped to berate the woman - it's not like they have to wait for a lift to be offered, before they can carry out the carjacking.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

I still think YWNBU op. Someone needed to point it out to the poor woman that she was putting herself in a dangerous position. I don't think you're being arrogant at all. If a police car had passed I bet they'd have stopped and said something

When that young girl hit that cyclist in the dark, and the police went round to tell her, she was so shocked and upset she was physically sick. It must have been an awful shock and one that could have been easily avoided. It's alright to think 'all drivers should slow down' but most drivers are sensible and do drive to the conditions of the road. Look at you lot, all berating the op, you're all obviously great drivers judging by your sheer indignation, I can almost feel the steam coming off the screen. The original post was to say that the op had had a shock at this stupid woman in the dark and I sympathise with her. I wouldn't walk about in the dark like that and yes it is possible to hit someone even if you're sticking to the speed limit because by the time you can see their dark shape on your headlights it might be too late to stop safely or swerve out of the way. I swerved round the lady with the dog but it was an automatic reaction. If there'd been a car coming the other way I'd have hit it. Although they'd have stood more chance than the lady and her dog if I'd hit them.

Hopefully that lady in the dark will have a bit more bloody sense next time.

[Edendance]

YANBU.

[jenniferalisonphillipasue]

I don't think quite a few people on this thread realise what it is like to drive in the countryside where there is literally no light for miles. I do not think the op should have shouted at the woman but I do think she should have stopped and enquired about her well being and then also advised her on wearing more visible clothing.
Unfortunately a young man was killed here last year on the side of the road. He was was walking in dark clothing, in the dark and in the same direction as the traffic. It was on a fast but dark road. He was hit at the bottom of a small valley. They think a Hgv hit him but no one has come forward as he was knocked into a ditch. I drive that road everyday and if a car is coming in the opposite direction with its lights on then it would be nearly impossible to see a person in those circumstances.
I think pedestrians do have to take responsibility when out and about at night just like drivers also need to be prepared for the conditions.

[Adeleh]

Sad story, jennifer, and in fact if the pedestrian did report the OP to the police, I'd expect the police to advise the pedestrian in v strong terms never to walk down dark roads in black clothing again.

[AnnabelleLee]

you were both unreasonable. But she wasn't breaking any law so who would you report her to and for what?

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

You can report people like that to the police on the non-emergency number. They sometimes go and offer some advice to that person. Like have some bloody sense or you'll cause an accident and kill yourself.

[Logg1e]

Do the police also go and offer advice to people who speed and text whilst driving?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I think they might, if you could give them the details of someone you knew did these things, Logg1e - I would certainly hope so.

[Logg1e]

I suppose the vital difference is one is not sensible behaviour and one is fucking breaking the law and endangering others' lives.

[Adeleh]

The police will prosecute such people if you can prove it. And rightly. But that's not directly relevant to this incident.