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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that dh is with a dying relative?

116 replies

Littlebitofwine · 08/03/2014 17:20

Have name changed for two reasons

1/ I expect to be told I'm the biggest cow ever

2/ this might out me under my usual name

Will keep it short and sweet, I'm ill with a throat infection and not slept right for about a week with a teething 8mo that is also chocked with the cold. Dh totally pulls his weight when it comes to sharing night wakening but with me also being Ill it's been a rough week.

I had four hours sleep last night and four the night before. I don't cope well without sleep so this could be why I'm a grumpy cow.

Dh has the most fucked up family ever! It's no secret I don't like them much, his grandad is looking likely to pass away soon. Dh has seen him four times in the last 14 years and the last time he laid into dh about how much of a dissapointment he was to him (no reason at all for this)

Dh also has a weird relationship with his mum, shit childhood that he holds a lot of resentment for but anytime she shouts jump he shouts how high!

He's been there 4 hours now after getting a call to say he had to go to the grandads house as it was near the end. One dc is down with d&v the other is still screaming with her gums and I'm ready to stick my head in the oven.

Is this really one of these situations I need to put up and shut up even given the family history or can I be pissed of?

Anyway if you made it this far well done! I feel I bit better for my rant.

OP posts:
rockybalboa · 08/03/2014 17:22

Of course YABU. Put up and shut up. Glad the rant helped though and hope you feel better soon.

bigboobsbertha · 08/03/2014 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SamanthaJones · 08/03/2014 17:27

YABU - get over it IMO
But lack of sleep is probably making you cross!

HadABadDay2014 · 08/03/2014 17:27

You know people generally don't die twice, it's important to say your final goodbyes.

SomethingkindaOod · 08/03/2014 17:27

Well, YABU in a way, it is family no matter how disfunctional they are and he maybe wants to clear the air with his Grandad (or at least try) before he loses the chance for ever. They talk on the relationship boards about FOG: Fear, Obligation, Guilt. Would this apply do you think?
However it sucks when everything comes down on you at once like a ton of shit so Thanks for all that, it's hard to deal with poorly children when you're ill yourself without anything else on top.
I think you're going to have to suck it up tbh x

MooMaid · 08/03/2014 17:28

Bit harsh.

OP you are unwell and if anything like me, your OH would probably breathe too loud and piss you off right now. Thing is relative won't be here for much longer so its not like he has much choice.

You just need to do the best you can until he gets home - he might have a strange relationship with his family, but family is family. You're being ABU - let him say his goodbyes. You'll be better in a couple of days

pimplypoppet · 08/03/2014 17:28

God the other posters are horrible!! I too have had throat infection all week and feel awful. YANBU to feel like you do given the family history however you probably do have to just get on with it. Hope you feel better and get some sleep tonight xx

BrianTheMole · 08/03/2014 17:29

You are being very unreasonable. The family dynamics are irrelevant. He wants to be there, his grandfather is dying and he won't get another chance. I understand things are hard at home at the moment but you are coming across as pretty selfish.

Original poster
Littlebitofwine · 08/03/2014 17:30

Thank you! I need to know how much of a twat I am being so i don't let it show later.

Bigboobs what a totally bizarre response. Not everyone goes around looking for £ signs in every situation

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 08/03/2014 17:30

You need to get a grip and think these are unusual circumstances, normally I presume you get enough sleep and that your all not usually ill at the same time. I have a DS who is severely autistic and for the last 14 years have been surviving on average three to four hours of sleep a night before he is up and ready to start the day, so yes I think YABU.

Piscivorus · 08/03/2014 17:30

YABU. You will have many days when you feel like shit and would appreciate help with your children but will cope if you have too yet, if granddad really is dying this is once only and, fucked up family or not, DH would regret it if he wasn't around.

KatherinaMinola · 08/03/2014 17:31

Well, I don't think YABU, with the family history as you describe it. But I guess you have to let him say his goodbyes, and you WBU to stop him doing that. So YANBU to feel the way you do, but you can't stop him.

twentyten · 08/03/2014 17:31

Glad the rant helped. Try and find something to calm dd's and relax yourself. Bj

candyapplecore · 08/03/2014 17:31

Can't be that hectic and stressful if you manged to take time out to post about it Hmm

And yes YABU. It's his grandfather so not even a distant relative and it doesn't matter how much he has seen him in the last 14 years. This is your DH's choice and if he wants to say goodbye then for goodness sake shut up and put up with it.

Beijing · 08/03/2014 17:32

It's not fair is it, dying relatives get all the breaks.

Nomama · 08/03/2014 17:32

Oh you know you are being VU.... but it is 100% understandable.

Rant away, you sound as though you really need it.

I hope you and littley'uns fell better soon.

And that DP comes back in one piece

xx

treas · 08/03/2014 17:32

put up and shut up

Coldlightofday · 08/03/2014 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 08/03/2014 17:35

I'm with you. DH has b-all relationship with his grandfather - he's virtually a stranger, hasn't shown any particular interest or love for your DH in the past and I imagine your DH feels the same way. I can't stand all this homage to people just because they are blood relatives - it's hypocrisy in my book.

Brabra · 08/03/2014 17:37

I think bigboobs is just drawing attention to the fact that you are being very 'me me meeeee'.

morethanpotatoprints · 08/03/2014 17:37

Hope you are feeling better soon and feel better for a good rant.

TidyDancer · 08/03/2014 17:37

Well of course YABU, but obviously you do know that so I think it's a bit pointless to have a go!

You would be horrible to mention this to your DH so just be a support for him when he comes home.

Original poster
Littlebitofwine · 08/03/2014 17:37

Dc are in the bath to keep them in one place and amused for half a hour, I'm not posting from my lounger by the side of a pool Grin

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 08/03/2014 17:56

Tour DH will either be able to say that he made peace with his grandfather or that he tried to made peace with his grandfather.

Your DH's peace of mind is surely worth something?

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/03/2014 17:59

Sounds grim OP. You are, ofcourse, BU. But I think you need Wine or Brew or Thanks anyway. Try and get them all tucked up warm and comfy and close your eyes for a minute to pretend you're on that lounger by the pool. Be secretly pissed off if it helps, but don't gripe at your DH who probably isn't exactly having a riot at his grandad's house, given the situation and the picture you paint of his family.