To be pissed off that dh is with a dying relative?

[Littlebitofwine]

Have name changed for two reasons

1/ I expect to be told I'm the biggest cow ever

2/ this might out me under my usual name

Will keep it short and sweet, I'm ill with a throat infection and not slept right for about a week with a teething 8mo that is also chocked with the cold. Dh totally pulls his weight when it comes to sharing night wakening but with me also being Ill it's been a rough week.

I had four hours sleep last night and four the night before. I don't cope well without sleep so this could be why I'm a grumpy cow.

Dh has the most fucked up family ever! It's no secret I don't like them much, his grandad is looking likely to pass away soon. Dh has seen him four times in the last 14 years and the last time he laid into dh about how much of a dissapointment he was to him (no reason at all for this)

Dh also has a weird relationship with his mum, shit childhood that he holds a lot of resentment for but anytime she shouts jump he shouts how high!

He's been there 4 hours now after getting a call to say he had to go to the grandads house as it was near the end. One dc is down with d&v the other is still screaming with her gums and I'm ready to stick my head in the oven.

Is this really one of these situations I need to put up and shut up even given the family history or can I be pissed of?

Anyway if you made it this far well done! I feel I bit better for my rant.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

pagwatch

kelper I haven't seen a single post that could reasonably be described by your comments in the circumstances.

[FabBakerGirl]

It is, pagwatch. I feel a fraud as I never want to see or speak to her again but once she has gone that is it. I think it is because I will lose the opportunity to tell her exactly what her actions did to my life but then if I did that I feel I would be giving her power to hurt me.

[Pagwatch]

I massively sympathise with the OP.
I was just tying to say that death makes those affected behave in a way that they could not predict and may not really understand.
It's all unpredictable. You kind of have to be there

[TattyDevine]

I don't think you are being a cow for venting on here at all.

I think in future, particularly if he passes in the next day or so you will be glad.

I felt dreadful one night I got beaten up by my flatmate's feck-buddy and called my ex (new ex, a week or two an ex and still "close" and weaning ourselves off each other, as an expat he is all I had) and he took me to the hospital, called the police etc, but we were there till 3am.

He slept that morning rather than visit his Grandma who was ailing but not apparently on her deathbed, and she died that afternoon.

I felt so bad. He did the right thing by me but not by her, but he didn't know, nobody could have known.

Just sharing that. The relationship is kind of irrelevant. He might just be there for the others. Its not good timing but somehow it never is.

Vent here so you spare it from him and no damage is done. Vent away please. I urge others to let her vent so she can be all serene and nice to him, or at least "don't worry about it, you did what you needed to do".

Sorry, haven't read all the posts.

[kelper]

Add message | Report | Message poster MrsBennetsEldest Sun 09-Mar-14 11:03:34
Suck it up Woman, and when your DH comes home I hope he gets the support and compassion he needs and not this MeMe self centered rubbish.

Add message | Report | Message poster Viviennemary Sun 09-Mar-14 20:46:16
YABU. Can't believe the selfishness of some folk. Sorry but this is just so totally self centred and out of order.

Just a couple of posts (not singling anyone out btw, iPad wouldn't let me copy any more!!) for the benefit of pp who couldn't see what I could.

[mymiraclebubba]

Yabu to be pissed off however you do have to suck it up hun sorry!

Glad the rant helped!!

I have had the d&v this week as has 6 months dd so you have my sympathy

[mymiraclebubba]

Sorry should say yanbu to be pissed off poxy bloody autocorrect

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

The first was a bit harsh
But not vitriolic.
I've seen vitriol over parking spaces and over using slings.
I think the ops had a pretty easy ride given that she's talking about begrudging her dh spending time with a dying relative because she has a cold.
And is still pissed off, even after her dh returned from the deathbed having bought her a new hot water bottle.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I agree kelper. Being sick while looking after sick children is horrible. Of course the OP is pissed off. She'd be pissed off if she had no DH, she doesn't suddenly find it fun because her DH has an unavoidable priority. It's not as though she hasn't said she knows it's not his fault and she has no intention of mentioning it to him. It's also pretty clear she's partly pissed off that her DH is so badly treated by his family, even now. Who wouldn't want those circumstances to be different?

[NMFP]

I think you just need to breath deeply and remember 'this too will pass'.

Your husband will be feeling raw with all the family dynamics and he is where he needs to be.

You are looking after your sick children. which is where you need to be.

You are both doing your best, when 'your best' doesn't feel like enough.

Is there anyone else who can help?

Hope things get easier soon.

[Littlebitofwine]

Thanks everyone.

The negative posts don't bother me one bit, I knew i was being unreasonable anyway and no one can really judge me or my life from one op as was proved by the poster asking what i would do if dh was forces (he is and has done 7 x 6-7 month tours during our marriage) and the other poster who mentioned not getting sleep because of her dc's autism (we have a autistic child) also I have 4 children not two. I was just looking for somewhere to offload.

Also it was not dh I was pissed of at, it's the fact his family always manage to make it look like they are taking the piss whether they mean to or not.

Trip to outpatients yesterday reveals I have "strep throat" so now I'm on antibiotics it will hopefully clear up soon.

Will go back and name change now and continue life as normal

[Seasonsgreetings]

This is what I hate about mumsnet, somebody posts something and gets a verbal bashing from every soul who's hard a hard day/argument with partner/ shouted at by those annoying kids at the end of the street/annoyed simply because in a way that you just wouldn't if you were face to face.
Really! Can you honestly tell me that were the op in the same room that you wouldn't sugar coat your reply or aim to be more polite? Sure the op says she doesn't mind the negative comments but I do!! This is supposed to be a forum for chat but I think some posters often forget that manners cost nothing and also that we all are humans and should be aiming to be kind to each other. By the way I'm not the op.

[mrsjay]

thing is seasons nobody in real life would say I am so ill and knackered I wish my husband was at home instead of pandering to the dying relative, I know the op is ill and exhausted sometimes you need to just put things in prespective(sp) a little , AIBU to think this Yes you are,

[Seasonsgreetings]

Does this mean that we should just let op's feel the force of both barrels without taking the time to check ourselves to ensure that we're at least trying to be civil?

Am I being a bit too hippy dippy? (I can tale my peppermint tea elsewhere...)

[MrsBennetsEldest]

Well Seasons, if I were with the OP I would have said exactly the same as I said up thread.

The thing I LIKE about MN is that there are The there,there brigade. The WTF club. The, I want to come across as really lovely ( but I'm lying) bunch. The, The Truth Hurts but you're an Adult and can take it society, etc, etc. As in RL, people's opinions and responses are different. We are all different.

[SolidGoldBrass]

FUcking hell, there are some officious, self-righteous whinyarses on this thread. THere is nothing wrong with how the OP feels. It's shit when you're feeling ill or upset and someone you don't even like trumps you by getting terminally ill or dying.

She's not giving her H a hard time, she's just being truthful on here about how she feels. And there is nothing wrong with remembering that your own feelings matter - women are always expected to put themselves and their needs and feelings at the back of the list, quite often even more so if it's an obnoxious man who is demanding all the care and attention in the room.