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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this parent was rude? (And unreasonable!)

150 replies

curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 12:44

Took DD to nursery today... Yesterday she had a bad fall resulting in A&E for the day (the nursery called me to take her) and they had said to keep her off for the rest of the week but she was desperate to go today and wear her costume. She's looking a bit beaten up with a huge fat lip, graze on her forehead and bruise on her cheek. The nursery teacher told me that it was due to another boy pushing her to the floor and stepping on the side of her face (!!).. I get that accidents happen, but still annoying. I was informed that his mother would have to sign a form that an incident took place.

The parent in question turned up today and totally ignored me, her son wasn't dressed up and another mother asked her if she hasn't known about it, and she said 'yes, but with the stress of yesterday with seeing Mrs X about that girl... and how upset he was I just couldn't get a costume together!'

Well, her son doesn't have a mark on him, and my DD did nothing. So how he's stressed I have no idea. 'That girl' was nice too!

If it had been the other way round I wouldn't have made a big deal, or I would have apologised.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ziggiestardust · 06/03/2014 15:00

'The only thing that mattered to me was that my DS was ok.' It's not a competition! The OP is allowed to be angry that her DD was hurt, and it's ok to feel that way after the mother said that at nursery!

And I doubt there were many other mothers attending nursery with a DD with a swollen face. Kind of narrows it down a bit!

And yes, it's AIBU so there are always people who will argue that YABU.

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 06/03/2014 15:06

Well said Ziggie. Sorry your dd was hurt op and yes the mother should have said something to you.

ColdTeaAgain · 06/03/2014 15:07

YANBU.

Granted she was probably upset by it and this made her defensive but she didn't need to speak like that. Depending on the tone, saying "that girl" comes across as quite nasty. Its a subtle thing but designed to sound accusational rather than sympathetic imo. If she had been concerned for your DD she would of used her name or said something like "I had to see Mrs X about what happened yesterday".

You are maybe being a bit harsh saying the boy should be told off as it was probably accidently but if I were his mother I would definitely be having chat about needing to be more careful because you can really hurt people without meaning to.

And above all else, even if it was a total accident, I can't believe she didn't speak to you and show some concern for your DD!

ColdTeaAgain · 06/03/2014 15:09

Sorry for typos! need to learn to use preview

pixiepotter · 06/03/2014 15:51

I think you are being a bit pressure, she'll rub her face up the tarmac a good few times at school before she's done.
I'm not sure why the mum should apologise.Why i it her fault?

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 16:05

I presume you meant to say precious?

I don't think it's precious to be upset / angry that my DD was hurt enough to have to go immediately to hospital. I think it's pretty normal actually.

OP posts:
ziggiestardust · 06/03/2014 16:24

It's not her fault, just when your kid hurts another kid badly enough to require a trip to a&e; it's good manners to apologise.

OpalQuartz · 06/03/2014 16:49

Yes or at least ask how they are.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 06/03/2014 18:12

Sorry your daughter was hurt.
It sounds like a stressful day for all concerned tbh. And the incident does sound like it was an accident rather than an attack.
Fwiw, even though I see and recognise other parents at the nursery gates I can't usually pair them up with their DCs Blush

Of course you and your daughter were upset. And if she knew who you were I think she should have apologised.
But it does sound like it was an accident and it would have been upsetting for him and for her too.

I hope your DD is better soon.

Tartanpaint · 06/03/2014 18:28

The mother should have apologised

Tartanpaint · 06/03/2014 18:30

I know some children push others over occasionally, but to stand on your DD's head is totally abnormal behaviour. From a four year old, very shocking!

breatheslowly · 06/03/2014 18:47

What is the point in not naming the other child? As soon as she could speak, my DD would tell me who had bitten her (or whatever the injury).

candycoatedwaterdrops · 06/03/2014 19:31

YANBU to be upset about your DD but I were you, I'd complain because they are not meant to give out names precisely because of this issue.

LizLemonOut · 06/03/2014 19:41

isitmeor made some excellent points. love how people are writing this kid off already "what will he be like at 14" Hmm perhaps some kind of correctional institute would be sensible?

op, I've been the mother who's child gets hurt, its awful. thankfully never requiring hospitalisation but she had a scar on her face for about a year after being bitten by another 1yo Sad I'm glad your DD is well enough to go back to nursery. Maybe the other woman is rude, maybe she is utterly mortified, maybe she's been told your DD started it (no-one seems to know the full story, do they). either way, I'd probably let it go and focus on your DD thankfully being alright.

iamsoannoyed · 06/03/2014 19:50

Well, if it was an accident (and depending on the age), I might have asked how your DD was and said "sorry about that". I really wouldn't have been mortified or been overly apologetic if it had been a genuine accident.

If it had been completely deliberate, then I would have been mortified at my child's behaviour and apologised to you when I saw you (I didn't have the contact details of all the other parents when DD was in nursery).

I imagine she was stressed, but no excuse for her to ignore you. That was rude.

You don't really know what happened as nursery have been vague, so maybe she doesn't either- except her DSs version (which may or may not be accurate). Maybe he was upset as it was an accident and the outcome gave him a bit of a fright (although obviously much worse for your DD)?

BarbarianMum · 06/03/2014 20:02
judyandthedreamofdonkeys · 06/03/2014 20:16

dont know why you are getting a rough time on here by some posters op.

it would be common courtesy and damn good manners to ask if your dd was ok whether she apologised or not she sounds like a pretty heartless cow to me. manners cost nothing. sge should have asked with her ds present if your dd was ok im sorry but when a child does something wrong they need to know they have not pandered to by their mothers.

lljkk · 06/03/2014 20:33

OP must have left something out It doesn't read like the boy's mother made a big deal just that she was asked a direct question by someone else and she stumbled thru a truthful answer. She sounds like she isn't coping well, which is not OP's problem thank goodness.

I imagine she was too embarrassed to know what to say to OP. And then probably felt like she'd let her boy down again by not having a costume ready.

greenfolder · 06/03/2014 20:55

i would be heartened to hear that both he and she were upset by what happened.

pixiepotter · 06/03/2014 23:24

why did she have to go to hospital?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 07/03/2014 01:58

The HI pixie I would imagine?

Mimishimi · 07/03/2014 02:24

She was probably embarrassed and stressed. He was upset because he got in big trouble Grin

LibraryMum8 · 07/03/2014 04:03

YANBU!! Horrid mother! I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter (and you!) Unfortunately some apples don't fall too far from the tree!

LibraryMum8 · 07/03/2014 04:18

I also understand because it's happened to my own ds. You know, the old, "the lady doth protest too much" thing.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 07/03/2014 08:44

Pixie - she hit her head and was disoriented. Her mouth was bleeding very badly and the triage nurse thought it needed to be stitched.

But why do I need to clarify to you why she needed to go to hospital? Was it Your son?

OP posts:
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