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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this parent was rude? (And unreasonable!)

150 replies

curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 12:44

Took DD to nursery today... Yesterday she had a bad fall resulting in A&E for the day (the nursery called me to take her) and they had said to keep her off for the rest of the week but she was desperate to go today and wear her costume. She's looking a bit beaten up with a huge fat lip, graze on her forehead and bruise on her cheek. The nursery teacher told me that it was due to another boy pushing her to the floor and stepping on the side of her face (!!).. I get that accidents happen, but still annoying. I was informed that his mother would have to sign a form that an incident took place.

The parent in question turned up today and totally ignored me, her son wasn't dressed up and another mother asked her if she hasn't known about it, and she said 'yes, but with the stress of yesterday with seeing Mrs X about that girl... and how upset he was I just couldn't get a costume together!'

Well, her son doesn't have a mark on him, and my DD did nothing. So how he's stressed I have no idea. 'That girl' was nice too!

If it had been the other way round I wouldn't have made a big deal, or I would have apologised.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Damnautocorrect · 06/03/2014 13:25

The costume should have been sorted before yesterday assuming there was notice - which given you'd sorted it after being in a and e would indicate so.
But Jesus I'd be mortified being her, I'd have had to pull you to one side to check she's ok and apologise. Or if I didn't have the bottle id be turning up late!
Maybe if she gets narky later give it a loud 'daughters fine thankyou'.

lylasmam2012 · 06/03/2014 13:25

DD 18 months is going through a biting phase. She has had 2 biting incidents in the last wee. I have no idea who she has bitten and the other parent(s) don't know who bit their child. DD has been bitten before by another child and I was never told who.

LiberalLibertine · 06/03/2014 13:30

YANBU she could clearly see your dd was injured, even if by some strange chance she hadn't already, she should have asked her how she was, prickly cow.

And saying that the costume didn't happen because of incident the day before is a down right lie as well.

OwlCapone · 06/03/2014 13:36

If it had been the other way round I wouldn't have made a big deal

But she didn't make a big deal Confused

how he's stressed I have no idea

Because he is no more than 4, has hurt a child who bled profusely and been told off for it.

Yes, she should have apologised but I really think you are over thinking her reaction/behaviour.

IamInvisible · 06/03/2014 13:39

No way did they tell you who pushed her. I've been a supervisor in a nursery, even in the first week I started it was made extremely clear that you do not tell any parent who their child has been hurt by. It is confidential. If your DD tells you, fine, but they won't have.

Also, if the hospital told you to keep your DD off for the rest of the week that is what you should have done. It is not fair to the nursery staff to have to keep an extra close eye on her, tbh.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 13:41

Calling my DD 'that girl' and moaning to the group that her son is upset and stressed because of yesterday isn't making a big deal?

I think it is. Either say nothing or apologise, just don't try to switch it round. Your child didn't spend the day in hospital, doesn't have a mark on him and deserves to be told off.

If my DD had done this I would have told her off. There's right, and there's wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 13:41

Iaminvisible - yes. They did. Twice.

OP posts:
IamInvisible · 06/03/2014 13:43

I don't believe you.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 13:43

Good for you. But they did.

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 06/03/2014 13:49

Calling my DD 'that girl' and moaning to the group that her son is upset and stressed because of yesterday isn't making a big deal?

No it isn't. Unless you're going to drip feed from your original post where she appears to have uttered one sentence.

Why shouldn't he be upset? He is, what, 4? Less?

OwlCapone · 06/03/2014 13:50

She hasn't tried to switch it round at all!

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 13:51

That's not drip feeding, that's nearly word for word from my OP...

OP posts:
Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 13:52

I think he's 4, yes.

But he seriously hurt my daughter.

His mother should have either been too mortified to open her big mouth, or she should have used said mouth to apologise.

OP posts:
OwlCapone · 06/03/2014 13:52

So, if there's no drip feeding to come, she has uttered one sentence and NOT made a big deal of it.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 13:53

I disagree. I think the sentence was making a big deal of it.

OP posts:
ziggiestardust · 06/03/2014 13:54

They might have told you because they knew your DD is capable of telling you anyway? My nursery told me who bit my DS on the face and held him down to bite and scratch him, and I think that's why.

ziggiestardust · 06/03/2014 13:57

I'd want to know what they were going to do to prevent this happening again tbh.

And yes, if my DS hurt someone I'd apologise to the parent. Especially since your DD required A&E Hmm

And the mother was stressed?! I bet you were too OP! Hope you and your DD are ok now.

KirjavaTheCat · 06/03/2014 13:59

I'd have been stressed too, and so would my son after the massive telling off I'd have given him, I think what she said was entirely reasonable.

I don't think you should expect that she knows who you are just because you had one conversation about buggies, or that she knows who her son injured just because you were told (I'm pretty sure that's a universal nursery no-no, by the way).

Don't take it out on the mother, she didn't push your daughter over.

OpalQuartz · 06/03/2014 14:02

Bloody hell. I like the way she makes out her and her son are the victims in all this. She was stressed and how upset her son was. She was bloody rude to say "that girl" and not to show any concern for your dd and then to blame her for lack of costume.

My dd had to go to A&E because of an accident at preschool on the playground. My dd and another girl were swinging each other round and fell over and the other girl fell on top of my dd. My dd got a head wound and an ambulance was called and she had to have her head glued.

Next day at nursery the other mum had bought my dd a present and asked how she was. There was no need for the present but it was really sweet of her. No hard feelings whatsoever and they are still in the same class now at school. Smile

Feminine · 06/03/2014 14:03

Wow! What a horrible day for you curious

To see your daughter all messed up must have been horrible.

I think that little boy behaved badly, but I believe the nursery don't seem to know what happened....that would concern me more.

I think it would have been obvious that it was your little girl that had been hurt, but I'm not sure the Mum would have felt safe in saying sorry.

Mainly because you might have been angry, as you would have had every right to do so.

I suppose the Mother might be one of 'those types' those that think their little one would never do anything wrong.

For the sake of your sanity, I'd try to forget it now :)

BookABooSue · 06/03/2014 14:03

She might have said 'that girl' because she knows the nursery aren't meant to confirm details about the other child. They were wrong to tell you who hurt your dd, and they shouldn't have told the other mum which child was hurt. I've been on both sides of those data protection rules!

From here, it doesn't sound like the other mum made a big deal out of it. However she did make a comment and tbh that comment was more about explaining why her dc didn't have a costume on a day when everyone else did.

She might also be a bit Hmm about the severity of the incident because your dd was back at nursery today.

tbh when ds has hurt any other child, I have apologised to the parent and got ds to write a card/draw a picture for the other child. However lots of parents don't acknowledge incidents at all (probably because of the datat protection issues) so it's not something I expect to happen.

RiverTam · 06/03/2014 14:04

I don't know about the boy, but I would have been very upset if my child's actions had resulted in the hospitalization of another child - I should think she was extremely shocked, worried for your DD, and wondering how on earth her wee boy came to cause such an accident.

It's not Top Trumps - you're both allowed to be upset by this incident. She may have been too embarrassed to apologise, especially if you were with a group of other mums (telling them all about it? I'm not saying you were gossiping, but it would take a braver soul that me to interrupt that conversation). She nay well seek you out privately to do so, or get her son to apologise to your DD.

Your DD is fine. Onwards and upwards.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 06/03/2014 14:05

OP, you have asked if you are BU and some people will feel that you are - that's the nature of the forum.

I think she should have apologised, if she'd known your daughter was the one that got hurt, but we have no way of knowing whether she did or not. You can only speculate.

Try not to let it get to you and just be glad that your DD is okay.

LoonvanBoon · 06/03/2014 14:06

My children's pre-school used to give names when recounting incidents, too. It may not be recommended practice, but on the basis of my own experience, I don't doubt it happens!

There are a lot of posts here trying to see it from the other mum's point of view & they may well have got it right - I hope so. My impression, just from the info. here, is less positive.

If she did indeed know the identity of the girl who had been hurt, & knew who her mum was, then to make that comment - in the OP's hearing & when there was only a handful of parents present - is at best insensitive.

Natural for her son to be upset, perhaps, but in her position I wouldn't have mentioned that in front of a mum whose daughter had been quite badly hurt in the same incident.

The fact she used this as an excuse for not having anything ready for Book Day (when there was, presumably, advance notice) also sounds a bit lame & self-justifying. And I wouldn't have thought it would make her son feel any better about what had happened the day before to be the only one without a costume.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, OP. I would have expressed concern for your child / apologized if I'd been in this situation.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 06/03/2014 14:11

River Tam - I'm pretty new. My DD only started in the January intake and most of those got afternoon sessions so I don't know anyone to talk to yet! Wink I stand alone!

OP posts: