To think that SOMETIMES nagging a patient about their weight isn't the priority?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Like, for example, when they are in your surgery because their depression has returned full force, they are desperate, and they have reached a low enough point to drive them back to the doctor to plead for antidepressants.

I know I am overweight - the mirror tells me that, my clothes tell me that, my aches and pains tell me that. But that isn't why I was at the GP this morning - and yet I was barely a minute into the consultation before my weight got mentioned.

Is it daft to think that, faced with someone in a state of black depression, nagging them about their weight is hardly likely to help, and might, actually, make them feel worse? And given that it probably WILL make them feel worse, maybe you could lay off them about their weight, and could focus on their mental health issue instead?

I had to be in floods of tears, on my feet, ready to walk out of the consultation, before my doctor accepted that maybe he should not be referring to my weight in every second sentence he uttered. And even then he kept referring to it as 'The Thing We Are Not Allowed To Mention'.

[unlucky83]

Good Luck for today SDT I hope you get the help you need and deserve...and your cold isn't too bad
(I've got a stinker at the moment )

And like other said I'm sure your friend wouldn't have offered if she didn't want to help you ... I'm sure you would do the same for her if you could...that's what friendship is all about...

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Thank-you. My friend will be here to pick me up in about half an hour - I did text her last night to tell her I had an 'orrible cold, and would quite understand if she didn't want to be shut up in a car with me and my germs, but she told me to stop my nonsense!

[Thumbwitch]

She's a good friend, SDTG :)

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

She really, really is.

The appointment went well - the psychiatrist was lovely, and really easy to talk to. She's going to refer me for 1-to-1 therapy - a mix of cbt, mindfulness, person centred therapy - all sorts, basically, mixed and matched to suit me.

And even though we did mention my weight (which my GP had mentioned in the referral letter), she agreed with me that it is a symptom, not a cause of my depression, and is something that I can deal with downstream, when I like myself enough to do so.

[AngelaDaviesHair]

That sounds very encouraging.
For the cold, I favour a toddy of honey, lemon juice, ginger, hot water and rum. No idea if it helps the cold but it's delicious.

[QwertyBird]

SDTG I think you and I have a good deal in common. If you would like to talk, please PM me. I had a near miss with Doctor this week. I had built myself up to go and pur my heart out. I have undiagnosed depression,and I have health issues that I need to get sorted. I have put it off for ages, fearing the reaction that you got. I got up the courage to call for an appointment, there was a choice of male doctors only and they were a locum and a partner. I didn't want a locum purely because I want a constant if at all possible rather than a different doctor every time. Unfortunately, the partner has a dodgy reputation. So I need to build up the courage all over again.
I am glad I didn't make the appointment with him though, as my son had to have an appointment with him to check on the progress of a healing burn.it is between his thumb and forefinger. He threw away the dressing Ds had on it from the hospital & then said he couldn't have a properw dressing as there wasn't a nurse available and he only had a square stick on pad to put on it. He didn't have scissors to allow a 'v' for his thumb so his dressing was useless. The only question he really asked him was if he smoked!! He is 15, the burn was kitchen related. Totally not relevant. So, the long winded point was that it isn't just us, and the right doctor is very important.
Ask friends who use the same practice to recommend a doctor?
Good on you for complaining. I desperately want a friend nearby to walk with etc to try to help myself. I am nervy, easily embarrassed and worry about everything. I have to get on a plane in 2 weeks and am terrified that the seat belt won't fit. Working myself up in to a state. Which is a vicious circle. Sorry, I have waffled, I just want you to know you are not alone.

[QwertyBird]

Xpost, as I took ages! Glad it went well.

[Thumbwitch]

YAY for great psych and good appointment outcomes! Hope it all goes well - and I bet you already feel just a touch better from being listened to properly!

Have the people at the practice got back to you yet?

[unlucky83]

Fantastic news SDT - glad it went well, sounds good and really hope it helps...
Now if I were you I'd take it really easy now today - relax and enjoy your afternoon ....
(knowing that's another big thing achieved ... )

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Thank you Querty - that is such a lovely offer!

I still need to achieve some lunch for me, and supper for ds3 and me - apart from that, I am planning a very quiet, restful afternoon.

[GarlicMarchHare]

Oh, SDTG, well done for going to your assessment, and I'm so pleased the shrink was good! :)

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

No response to my complaint from the GP surgery yet - not even a 'We have received your comment and will be getting in touch soon'. I will leave until next Wednesday, when they'll have had a full week, and then I will be chasing it up.

[QwertyBird]

I hope they reply before that. How are you doing?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Surviving. Feeling pretty under the weather with this cold, which isn't helping, but I've managed to do the things that had to be done today, and I am looking forward to starting therapy. I haven't yet got to the place where I actually believe that the therapy will help, but I am starting to hope that it will.

And dh is home tonight (he's been away on business most of this week), and ds2 is coming home from university for the night, so it will be lovely to see them.

[QwertyBird]

Ah, that's good. Mine is home tomorrow one step at a time. Just try not to stop. I find it harder when I grind to a halt. Enjoy your evening [Thanks]

[QwertyBird]

Bloody auto correct

[Thumbwitch]

If you don't hear from them by Tuesday coming, SDTG, send another complaint, including the bit that your GP mentioned your weight in the referral letter to the psych - it seems like he might need some retraining to get him to open his mind and not be so focused in on weight issues, like a dog with a bone!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I have just spoken to the practice manager - apparently she left a message on our answer phone last Tuesday (so a very prompt reply to my message) - I was in all day, so I can only assume it was when I was on the phone to the hospital and the insurer, sorting out the appointment - because I didn't miss any calls, that I am aware of.

Anyhow, neither dh nor I noticed the message until last night, so I rang her back today, and talked through things with her. She is going to pass on all that I said to the GP, and she thinks the best thing is if he rings me to discuss it. For the moment, I haven't made it a proper complaint - I shall see how the GP reacts, when I talk to him (probably tomorrow, she said). I can't say I am looking forward to the call - I was on the verge of getting upset just explaining things to the practice manager - I can see myself getting properly upset talking to him.

[apermanentheadache]

Grrrr for you. Hope it goes ok tomorrow. Not a prospect I would relish either. If he is a tit, please remember it's not you. Really, it's not. He needs retraining in mental health issues.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Well - on the upside, I don't have to wait until tomorrow, because he's just rung - but on the downside, he didn't want to accept that he was wrong to focus on my weight, because his reading of my notes gave him the impression that my depression is due, in large part, to my weight.

He couldn't see that banging on about something that is clearly upsetting a depressed person is going to be counterproductive, and said all he was trying to do was to find out why I was depressed.

I did manage to tell him how snide I thought it was to refer to it as The Thing We Aren't Allowed To Mention, and I got him to agree to putting a note on my records to say that my weight isn't to be mentioned unless it is directly medically relevant, or unless I mention it first, and that it is to be handled sensitively from now on. Mind you, I'd have thought it would be something that doctors would handle sensitively all the time, but clearly I am wrong about that.

I also told him I didn't feel I could trust him any more, and we agreed that I would see other GPs in the practice.

It was just as upsetting as I thought it was going to be - but he did apologise, and that helps a bit. I'm not sure he got what I was trying to say, although I do think I managed to get across more of what I wanted to say.

[AngelaDaviesHair]

all he was trying to do was to find out why I was depressed

That's pretty poor in itself. It is usually an enormously difficult question that takes therapy to unravel. The idea that you can just fire questions at a person and suddenly discover the one root cause of their depression is just odd.

So he's proven once again he has a tin ear for his patients and is not exactly a depression expert. But he apologised, so that's something. Well done for pursuing the complaint and doing the call-that would be daunting at the best of times.

[YouTheCat]

He's a gp. He isn't qualified enough to find out why you are depressed - that is the whole point in you being referred to psychiatry.

I hope it all goes really well for you.

[GeorgianMumto5]

YANBU! My brother gets this. Yes, he'd be a lot healthier if he lost weight, but he already knows that. If he's going about something unrelated, however, that's the issue that needs to be dealt with. He often comes away feeling ignored and patronised. What really bugs me is the GP, while lecturing him about it, has never, so far as I can tell, helped him to work out why his weight is such a problem for him.

[WildEyedAndCrafty]

SDTG Well done on the way you've handled this.

I've been in a similar situation. My GP prescribed one month of ADs and then told me I had to lose weight before he would give me another prescription. I had only gone to see him originally about numbness and pins and needles in one foot! Wish I'd had your courage to make a complaint but we moved and I decided to leave it. Need to see my new GP but very scared of the same thing happening.

Sorry, too much about me, but I really wanted to say how well I think you are dealing with this. Just so unnecessary that you have been treated like this, makes me so .

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

In better news, the hospital have just phoned, and I have an appointment next Tuesday, with a therapist! I am so lucky that dh has health insurance through work, so I could get this all moving so fast.

I wasn't expecting to hear from the therapist until the end of the week (that's the time frame the psychiatrist gave me), so this is a real boost!

Not only that, but I motivated myself to get out of the house, and run a couple of errands, so I am feeling a bit more positive.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the kindness and support on here, and the time that you have all taken to listen to me and to respond. I hope you all know how special you are, and how much you have helped.