To think that SOMETIMES nagging a patient about their weight isn't the priority?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Like, for example, when they are in your surgery because their depression has returned full force, they are desperate, and they have reached a low enough point to drive them back to the doctor to plead for antidepressants.

I know I am overweight - the mirror tells me that, my clothes tell me that, my aches and pains tell me that. But that isn't why I was at the GP this morning - and yet I was barely a minute into the consultation before my weight got mentioned.

Is it daft to think that, faced with someone in a state of black depression, nagging them about their weight is hardly likely to help, and might, actually, make them feel worse? And given that it probably WILL make them feel worse, maybe you could lay off them about their weight, and could focus on their mental health issue instead?

I had to be in floods of tears, on my feet, ready to walk out of the consultation, before my doctor accepted that maybe he should not be referring to my weight in every second sentence he uttered. And even then he kept referring to it as 'The Thing We Are Not Allowed To Mention'.

I completely agree with trying to find another GP, I suffer from seizures which haven't had a cause diagnosed yet. My previous GP told me that there was no physical cause for them (after 1 ecg and monitoring session,) that I needed to find the reason why I needed attention and I could 'stop them if I wanted to'.

Obviously he was spot on - I actually fake having grand mal seizures at work, splitting various parts of my head open and being unreactive to stimulus like lights being shone in my eyes. Totally done for attention!

SDT the Gp was being an arse and I am glad you've complained. Some of them definitely retraining in the bedside manner department. I have had it before where I have been in to discuss one particular condition and come out on the receiving end of a lecture on something completely unrelated. Whether you wanted to address the weight issue now is clearly not the time and the Gp of all people should have understood that.

Can I say though, the wreath you're making looks utterly fabulous!

I am absolutely gobsmacked at a nurse recording an 8-month twin pregnancy as obesity! Was she on glue?

Pilgit - what you said absolutely hit the nail on the head for me - at the moment my weight is just another thing I have failed at, so I beat myself up about it. I do want to lose some weight - but at the moment, it is all I can do to get from the beginning of the day to the end - a simple 10 minute walk, as some have suggested, is the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest.

I didn't hear back from the surgery yesterday, but will give them another day or so to respond, and if I don't hear anything, I will chase them. Luckily they are a group practice, so I can avoid seeing this particular GP for anything other than an emergency.

I do suffer a bit from intrusive thoughts - and the one keeping me awake last night was that they might over-react massively and sack me as a patient at the surgery. I did manage to suppress that one, but it is still nagging.

The appointment with the psychiatrist is all confirmed - and a lovely, lovely friend has offered to drive me to it. I feel a bit guilty for accepting, because I hate putting people out, but it is probably not the sort of appointment I want to go to alone - I will have to go in alone, but it will be wonderful to have someone who understands me and knows me there, before and after. And I will take her out for lunch afterwards. I am so lucky to know such wonderful people - and that includes all of you on here - I hope you know that!

Ipswitch - the wreath does look amazing, doesn't it? I just hope I can produce something as nice. Well - three somethings, as nice - I want one, and two of my friends want one too (it will make a perfect birthday gift for one of them).

STD I hope things turn around for you. Cannot believe the GP was such an utter arse. Maybe send him a little note saying 'First, do no harm'. Doctors are supposed to sign up to that little concept aren't they?

Loving the grandad knee story....and maybe that is a good approach for you too....I have been this size for a while and I am only struggling now - so where is the connection?

I have been suffering depression on and off for a while and can say with as much certainty as you can have without a randomised control trial that the depression caused the weight gain and the depression lifting caused weight loss.

OP

you are definitely not being unreasonable

mine went the other way so that I became a bag of bones through depression. That focus from the GP was utterly pointless as I needed the blanket to be lifted, once that occurred I was able to eat properly again etc etc
I hope you have brighter days soon

I do suffer a bit from intrusive thoughts - and the one keeping me awake last night was that they might over-react massively and sack me as a patient at the surgery. I did manage to suppress that one, but it is still nagging.

If it makes you feel better, they legally can't do this, because you have made a complaint. The GMC has very clear rules to protect patients who complain. The surgery is obliged to take steps to resolve the matter to the patients satisfaction where there has been a breakdown in the doctor patient relationship in this way. You also have a right to refuse any treatment you wish, and the doctor can not strike you off for this. (So in theory, if you refuse to discuss your weight that is fine). Putting undue pressure on you to force you into a course of treatment you do not wish to undergo is completely unacceptable as it conflicts with the principles of consent.

They do have a right to get rid of patients where the relationship has broken down irretrievably, but in this situation, where it is with a particular doctor and you are prepared to see other doctors at the surgery and there is a clear situation where undue pressure is being applied, they don't have a leg to stand on. The responsibility to resolve the situation lies with them and the rules are totally on your side.

If they were to strike you off, on this alone, and they didn't do anything you would have a very strong case and right to take this up further (I forget exactly who exactly it is - its not the GMC directly if I remember correctly).

This is HIGHLY unlikely to get to this stage, because its clear you are not unreasonable person and your complaint is not an unreasonable one. It has very strong and valid point.

Thank-you, RedToothBrush - that is so reassuring!

SDT Hope you psych visit is more helpful ...
You may well be beyond this stage...but can you set yourself very simple goals you can achieve? ...and appreciate what you have done!

So yesterday you have achieved getting up, having a shower(?) getting to the GP to ask for help (which is a massive thing), fighting your corner there (another biggy), asking for help here and through FB...and you got through the rest of the day - and that's a lot for one day for someone with depression...

After all that if today you can get washed and dressed you are doing well.
Another big day tomorrow...

Being inactive and having too much time to think is really bad for depression - exercise etc can really help - but then depression makes things that help seem impossible to achieve...

How's it going SDT?

Sorry about all the preachy recommendations, including mine by PM. People want to help and share experiences but it is so important to remember that, unless you're a trained professional, you're only ever an expert in your own depression, no one else's.

Unlucky83 makes good points-you did a lot yesterday. You said not losing weight just feels like 'another failure', but don't forget to notch up all your successes, however small.

Very true re the successes. You have some lovely friends and a talent for crochet so you can take pride in the lovely thing you create. That's two successes right there.

Thank you, everyone - and please, no apologies necessary - I know that everything people has said has come from the most caring of intentions, and I really appreciate it.

Today is going OK. I slept badly, so I am headache-y and tired, but I have managed to sort tea for tonight (by making myself go to Morrisons on the way back from dropping dh to his train), and I have done three admin--type things that needed doing - reported a pothole, applied for a bus pass for ds3, and emailed his school about a subject choice for next year - all things I didn't manage to cross off the list yesterday, but now have - hurrah.

Later I plan to snuggle on the couch with the dogs - who are wonderful at looking after me when I need it (as long as 'looking after' and 'snore on, drool on, shed hair on and lick' are the same things [grin).

I got my cats when I had my first serious bout of depression. They helped so much just by being there.

Anything on your mind at the moment?

The usual run of negative thoughts, Caillin - but I am trying to ignore them. The info that RedToothBrush posted about why the surgery can't sack me as a patient for complaining has set my mind at rest about one nagging, intrusive thought.

I am worrying that I am asking too much of the friend who offered to drive me to the appointment - which I know is daft - she wouldn't have offered if she didn't want to do it, but I am feeling Not Worthy of such niceness.

No slapping! Would you be able to tell your friend how you feel?

SDTG, would you give a friend a life to an appointment if you knew she could do with some support for whatever reason?

Something tells me, you would if you could and you wouldn't even think twice that it was beyond the call of duty...

SDTG - you are, of course, worthy. Your friend has offered because she thinks you are worth it (Perhaps you should change your name to L'Oreal to remind yourself? ). She loves you because you are a valuable friend to her. She wants to help you and it will make her happy to do so. If you can't accept for your own sake, accept for hers - let her be happy to help you. :)

You are all right. And I will slap away the intrusive thoughts, rather than slapping myself.

SDTGisAnEvilLorealGenius?

Sounds good to me, SDTG!

YY - the GMC can't do anything about the practice removing you from the list but your local NHS Area Team (used to be Trust / PCT) can investigate if they've followed the rules to the letter. If they haven't they can request you are reinstated I think.

Your friend offered a lift - she wouldn't have if she really didn't want to. So you're not asking anything really since she's offered.
You are totally worthy of niceness. - we know it, your friend knows it, even your lovely slobbery dogs know it!

Best of luck for tomorrow SDT. I hope you come away with a script, a plan, and a glimmer of hope xx

Thank-you. I now seem to be coming down with a cold - for added joy. Ah well - when I get home, I can tuck myself up on the couch and do bugger all for the rest of the day. And I have multivitamins and echinacea (somewhere), so I shall dig those out and dose myself up.

Oh no, you don't want a cold. Neck the vits, pronto. Cold might help you sleep though, if it is a fatigue-inducing cold IYSWIM? For me that is the one positive of regular illnesses - they knock my insomnia into touch for a few days

Really hope you enjoy our sofa and being tucked up x