Unusual male culture in local upmarket restaurant

[Rowena23]

A couple enter a restaurant. As they walk past the bar on the way to the restaurant area, three men at the bar begin to talk about the woman's perfume, speculating on what brand it is.

A waiter seats the the couple at a table. Almost immediately, one of the three men goes up to the woman, and asks her about her perfume. She answers and the man slips away. When the waiter next appears at the table, the woman, still baffled (to say the least) asks him who the man is. He replies that the man is not a member of staff, but a regular customer.

It turns out that the manager of the restaurant was one of the three men speculating about the woman's perfume.

As a witness to this event, what should I have done? Should my reaction be coloured by the knowledge that the daughter of a friend had found it extremely difficult to get rid of this man some years ago, to the extent that she had to threaten to go to the police?

I'm seeing a restaurant manager not acting professionally and a couple of hangers on of dubious character hanging about cadging free drinks and chatting up the female customers.

Really? You're seeing that from the OP?

It's completely normal for restaurant owners around here to have friends/family in their restaurants.

Especially as most of them are open from about 5pm to 2am seven days a week.

It's probably the only time they get to see them.

He'll learn when eventually only men will use his restaurant as women avoid the weird guys though.

I'm going to start saying femfresh if people ask about my perfume though, that's brilliant. Or scented Tampax.

I think they were hassling. Some blokes do this, especially in a group. Its sort of low level and innocent but I think my wife would have reacted the same way as the OP.

Yes but worra one of them has "previous" and it is a bit weird to just go up to women sitting with their partners and ask about their perfume?

bizarre. no one was hurt ir offended were they?

I would say "I am wearing Eau d' Restraining Order now BACK OFF."

How dare any man come within 5 miles of my person.

I think if the Op had worded it better this would have gone a different way. It was a struggle to understand what she was on about at first. I agree with morebeta

'Regular customers' isn't necessarily the same thing as 'friends'

Restaurant managers are friendly to regulars, it doesn't mean that they don't think that they are massive cocks. It means they don't want to piss off people who bring them a shit load of business.

They might have been mates hanging around but it's by no means a given.

Veggy that's twice now you've said he walks up to women

It was one woman and he asked her what perfume she was wearing.

'sharp pointy fork' by Dior ...shortly to blend with 'your testicles' by Boss?

Why the actual fuck is it weird?

You know what, I think it's better if no one ever speaks to anyone ever again.

That would avoid any confusion as to tone and implied meanings etc.

And MoreBeta why would your Dw have reacted in the same way to a man asking her what perfume she was wearing? If a woman asked, would that be ok?

If something similar happened (to me personally) more than once in the same restaurant, then I would probably feel uncomfortable there and not be likely to go back. Similarly if there were a group of blokes 'hanging around' the bar area on a regular basis.

But, as a one-off? No problem.

And I certainly wouldn't think it was any of my business to 'do something' if this happened to someone else unless she appeared to be uncomfortable about the situation.

It's certainly not the OP's responsibility to intervene any time she sees this man talking to any woman, simply because she knows he has once harassed a different woman.

Oh and 'hanging around' would include repeatedly approching random women, not just 'sitting in the bar with friends'

I see where MoreBeta is coming from.

"Hi, sorry to bother you, but your perfume is lovely. I'd like to get some for my girlfriend, what is it?" Smiles, looks at woman and acknowledges her partner as well, while talking.

or, "Hey can I ask what is that scent you are wearing?" leers at woman, completely blocks out her partner, keeps looking back at his groupies and smirking.

Body language in the second scenario can be intimidating. It is not just a complimentary question. OP needs to come back on this thread and talk some more.

Tantrum - its the context.

Thinking about it I think I might have felt a bit harassed if a group of women hanging about in bar were discussing my aftershave.

I know I may be a Northerner and very possibly slightly on the spectrum when it comes to dealing with people but in my mind you don't just walk up to a stranger and say 'what's that perfume you are wearing'. Its personal.

They were invading the woman's space. I bet they do it often. Sort of like a 'game' they were playing because they have nothing better to do than hang around the bar cadging free drinks and generally being a pain in the neck to all concerned.

'overthinking' by Gucci

'Neurotique' by Jean paul Gaultier.

Pointless speculating-let the OP come back and (a) explain what happened a bit better; then (b) clarify what she is asking.

oh I think I own that one Marmalade!

What's being a northerner got to do with it? I'm northern and the thing that I've noticed about moving further south is that people seem more unwilling to talk to people they don't know than they do at home. I've been in lifts where nobody has said a word, moving between the floors like creepy zombies. That doesn't happen at home.

The OP thinks it's weird, because she knows this particular man has form for harassing a woman.

That's why she asked.

This man's behaviour was a little unusual. But, if done politely, and in a friendly way, then fine. Nothing wrong with it.

But, as the OP knows more about this man, she reads more into the event than others would.

I think that's reasonable. I'm not sure why people can't see that.

More Beta
Your wife would be angry. Herself. She wouldn't need a stranger to be angry on her behalf.

The woman in the Restaurant was not upset. She is a grown up and she can decide if it bothers her or no. It isin a way insulting having someone trying to protect you when you don't need protection.She wasn't even alone, they were two people. Or were they too thick to spot the patriarhy?

Sorry Gordy!

I think it is unlikely worra, that known sexual harrassaer man has only on this one occasion got up the nerve to approach a woman. Especially as she happened to be sat with another man, that is often the only thing that keeps some sleazy men away.

Personally if I saw a man and his partner having a nice dinner I wouldn't presume to insert myself between them to ask about his grooming routine. I'd assume my pretense was not wanted at best and annoying at worst