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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

3 day hen

66 replies

WeightyKaty · 02/03/2014 15:06

Bit over the top isn't it? I get that it's important to celebrate with your friends but most people will have to travel to the wedding too.

OP posts:

Bearbehind · 02/03/2014 15:09

Dontcha know that nowadays everyone's wedding involves everyone else spending the maximum amount of time and money to celebrate their big day

OuterFromOutersville · 02/03/2014 15:10

It's a lot of time and money to expect others to spend. If you can't afford one or either of these, just explain that you can't go.

Pippintea · 02/03/2014 15:10

Who's paying?! 3 days of showering the bride to be with attention sounds like hell unless she's putting you all up in a five star hotel !

Original poster

WeightyKaty · 02/03/2014 15:12

Oh we'll all be paying and it's a bank holiday too

OP posts:

Vinomcstephens · 02/03/2014 15:12

I never understand why stag/hen do's and wedding cause so much angst on Mumsnet. So you've been invited to a three day hen do? Well here's the thing: go, or don't go. There, quite simple really, isn't it? Is it really worth all the sniping and snide digs (ok and the out and out bitchiness) on here? People can organise whatever kind of do they want - last time I checked it wasn't the law that you had to say yes!

ForgetMeKnots · 02/03/2014 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

squoosh · 02/03/2014 15:14

I've been on three day hens that have been great fun. They've been weekends away with friends really rather than prostrating ourselves before the bride to be for three days.

They aren't mandatory though, you can just go for one day.

TetrisBlock · 02/03/2014 15:14

I quite enjoy a weekend, I went away for my hen last year and have been on one quite recently and am due to go on another (I think in Bath) in a few months. They don't have to be wildly expensive. Saying that my sil (to be) is having a weekend-long hen next year which I'm not looking forward to as we aren't close friends and I don't particularly like any of her friends very much so it's going to be long and awkward. If I can possibly manage to avoid without offending then I will!

Most of my friends are newly married with young children so it seems we actually have to threaten to leave the country to get a decent break now.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 02/03/2014 15:15

Why? Why does it need 3 days? Ridiculous

PerpendicularVince · 02/03/2014 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WeightyKaty · 02/03/2014 15:16

I get all that Vino and of course can say yes or no. I thought hen parties always used to be a fun night out and perhaps an activity in the day. They seem to have turned into extravaganzas costing more than a dirty weekend in Paris.

OP posts:

bodybooboo · 02/03/2014 15:16

exactly either go or don't go. I would personally rather rip my own arm off than go on a 3 day break with other women.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/03/2014 15:16

Vino, it's not though, is it? A three-day event, it's not like it's in suitable 'modules' that you can just elect to attend those you can manage. It's all or nothing. So many seem to want to 'up the ante' all the time, so attention-seeking and selfish. It will get to a point where there will be 'hen years' (360 days for the hen 'do' and 5 days for the wedding itself) and nobody in their right minds will attend. I suppose it will all work itself out then.

OP, you're not being at all unreasonable. This z-leb culture has an awful lot of influence on some people. Frightening!

squoosh · 02/03/2014 15:16

Better not to go at all than to go and resent it. You don't get medals for moaning.

FunkyBoldRibena · 02/03/2014 15:17

Utterly fucking ridiculous.

bodybooboo · 02/03/2014 15:17

I blame films like bridesmaids and wedding date etc for the complete ott ness of hen and wedding dos these days.

bloody ridiculous.

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog · 02/03/2014 15:18

I don't understand 3 day hen/stag parties. Surely after the first night you're too hungover to really enjoy the second?

I know I am. Takes me days to recover from a night out.

StrawberryCheese · 02/03/2014 15:18

I was given a three day hen by my bridesmaids, it was awful, hardly anyone came. One night with lovely food and maybe some cocktails would have done just fine.

I am proof that not all brides want a big fuss!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/03/2014 15:18

Oh I see that squoosh attended a one-day event - that would be reasonable for me, more than that wouldn't.

One of my acquaintances recently had a 'hen week', in the UK, torrential rain and nothing to do - and only a handful accepted because it was 'all or nothing'.

SometimesLonely · 02/03/2014 15:18

What happened to meeting at a pub or restaurant for one evening? Or even someone's house? Too cheap? Handwringing about tightwads?

Lottiedoubtie · 02/03/2014 15:19

It's just an invitation, if you want to go, go. If not. Don't.

I had a 3 day (2night) hen, people were invited to come for some or all of it.

Had about 10 all weekend and a further 10 (numbers approx, it was several years ago now) on the Saturday night.

Lots of fun, no angst. Costs kept reasonable and all activities etc... Were optional and some did some, and some did all. Takeaway fri night, picnic lunch sat, out for dinner sat, breakfasts eat in, reasonably priced SC accommodation. Just a fun weekend away with friends. I paid my share and didnt act like a princess. No one got alcohol poisoning or was forced onto a party bus against their will

HoratiaDrelincourt · 02/03/2014 15:22

I've only done one hen weekend. It was very lovely - cottage in the middle of nowhere with private pool and lovely cake company.

But that was pre-DC for everyone, all professionals with good salaries for whom multiple weekends away are a comfortable luxury.

There's no way I could afford or justify a weekend away that wasn't also a family holiday. Doesn't matter whose wedding.

Original poster

WeightyKaty · 02/03/2014 15:24

We have to confirm in a couple of weeks but there are no details about location etc. ideally I'd join for a day and night.
Obviously my hen was perfect with an activity in the afternoon followed by cocktails, dinner and cheesy club

OP posts:

Nerris · 02/03/2014 15:26

Three days is OTT. It might seem easy to say "I don't want to go" but if you are a close friend or feel obliged because of 'x' 'y' 'z' reason then it puts you in an awkward position and you feel like you have to explain yourself or the bride will get the royal arse with you and relations will be frosty.

Why oh why don't people (brides) just set their expectations a little more at a reasonable level? One year we had 4 wedding invitations and if i'd gone for a whole weekend for all the hen do's, we would have had to live off beans on toast for the rest of the year!

Moomoomie · 02/03/2014 15:28

I clicked on here expecting it to be about chickens!

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