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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner told friends that she has had 110 partners last night

526 replies

Plutorover · 02/03/2014 09:47

My partner of 7 years who is 40 told some friends that she had slept with approximately 110 men in the past. I did know this, but feel angry that she decided to tell others. It was at a school reunion do that I was not at. The question was specifically asked in a finding out game. I don't understand why she didn't tell them to mind their own business or lie.

She has hinted at it before to my brother too. May have actually told him but I'm unsure.

Why would she do this? Am I wrong to feel aggrieved about this?
Thanks
Confused and angry bloke

OP posts:
ithaka · 02/03/2014 17:49

I wouldn't share with anyone except a partner how many men I had slept with - but then, I would never sleep with over a 100 men - yikes.

Your partner certainly lacks discretion & in your place I wouldn't be impressed (I cannot even image being with a man who had slept with over 100 women, I cannot think they would be my type).

So in my opinion, YANBU, but if she is the woman for you, you have no choice but to accept her for what she is - indiscreet & promiscuous. I guess there are worse failings.

Fairenuff · 02/03/2014 17:50

He made a very good point that to some people the op's partner would seem easy and so may get unwanted attention, I don't see how this makes him a twat?!

It makes him a twat because he is promoting sexist views.

If it was a man would he say, 'Oh dear, some people might think he's easy and he may get unwanted attention'.

Nah, this sort of rubbish is reserved for women.

Daykin · 02/03/2014 17:51

Maybe she didn't know it was a secret until you told her it was a secret. People judge me for being in a mixed race relationship but it's not a secret. They judge me for my sexuality - also not a secret but I don't mention these things unless they come up. I think there is a weak argument for not divulging at all but the 'white lie' thing is lost on me.

VeggySausage · 02/03/2014 17:52

So you've done it to shame your wife on MN?

You're a charmer you are.

I asked my dp for a male perspective, his view was that she would probably be getting a lot of offers as people will now assume she is 'easy', sorry op, probably not what you want to hear but people will remember this and tell their partners, friends etc, not really what you want in a small village

What does easy mean? What enjoys sex? A lot of women do... Your dh has got a special sense of right and wrong if he only likes to have sex with women who aren't interested in it. Hmm

themaltesefalcon · 02/03/2014 17:54

Giving a shit is ungentlemanly, OP.

Pumpkinpositive · 02/03/2014 17:55

I tend to think of 'partner' as someone you've had a relationship with, as opposed to merely shagged. Grin I take it OP doesn't mean his girlfriend has entertained the idea of holy padlock with 110 blokes? assuming they were all blokes

VeggySausage · 02/03/2014 17:55

Agree with Fairenuff,

And yes, a woman who gets "unwanted" attention...hasn't done anything to warrant it.. Get it? it is unwanted. The only person responsible for that is the sleazy man involved who thinks because a woman had sex with someone else that he gets a "turn"

themaltesefalcon · 02/03/2014 17:58

And you are priggish, prissy and bang out of order to go parading your wife's sexual past all over Mumsnet (oh the irony, given what you're moaning about), with a stated view to elicit lots of slut-shaming and tut-tutting on a site you know she frequents.

Weirdo.

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 17:59

Ok, so she posts on here and you didn't know she might see it?

My guess is you want her to feel like shit about it so you've found another avenue to do it, and you've had plenty of judgemental arses take your side on here too so well done. Result!

Let me ask you again though, since you don't seem to be actually seeing any questions:

WHY is it your secret? WHY do you feel ashamed and embarrassed? HOW is it any of your business what she talks about?

Daykin · 02/03/2014 17:59

Also agree with Fairynuff. I wouldn't turn down sex I wanted with a person I wanted in case some random in the future decided that specific consent meant general consent.

waltermittymissus · 02/03/2014 18:00

The only people who think that way are rapey bastards and the women who think they're "lovely" people.

hickorychicken · 02/03/2014 18:01

She can tell people in RL where it may get around the place they live but he cannot say it on an anonymous forum, she shouldnt have a problem with him saying anything on here as she is happy enough to be loose lipped in RL.

Original poster
Plutorover · 02/03/2014 18:01

Nobody knows her here and yes she may see the thread and frankly so what?
No one will know who it's about. Hardly attempting to shame her is it? You have said a few nasty accusatory comments veggy and it's not necessary.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 02/03/2014 18:02

So what? Presumably was consensual and she enjoyed herself
I'm bemused how it comes up though?nachos,anyone?no did I say I've fucked 110
Ohh pass the guacamole,there's a dear

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/03/2014 18:03

Truth game SM

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 02/03/2014 18:04

So what?

she'll know who it's about. Won't she?

Is that what this has been about? Her seeing this? Reading these comments? Feeling crap about herself?

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2014 18:04

Perhaps you don't realise how so many women see Mumsnet as their own private space, Pluto. I would absolutely hate it if my partner came on here starting threads about my sex life. It's a violation. And don't pretend you didn't know she'd see it. Of course you did; you hoped everyone would say you were right and she was wrong.

Caitlin17 · 02/03/2014 18:06

I agree with the majority of posters except kc7(and her awful husband), Vivian Stanshall and Darling Grace (I can't remember the exact topic but Darling Grace posted jaw droppingly awful comments on another thread so I wouldn't take her comments very seriously)

AIBU is the busiest section so your partner may well have seen it.

Daykin · 02/03/2014 18:07

Well, it kind of is intending to shame her as you've stated your feelings about it in a passive aggressive way and you seem pretty surprised that you don't have a whole thread of people who are 'shocked and angry'.
Why start a thread that you know she'll see, expecting to have people being 'shocked and angry' if you weren't intending to shame her?

Fairenuff · 02/03/2014 18:10

She can tell people in RL where it may get around the place they live but he cannot say it on an anonymous forum

She can tell people because it is her business to share or not share as she chooses.

OP has no right to share her business without her consent. However, since she probably won't be identified on here, that won't hurt her.

What might hurt her is finding out her dp's true colours.

shakinstevenslovechild · 02/03/2014 18:11

I would absolutely hate it if my partner came on here starting threads about my sex life. It's a violation. And don't pretend you didn't know she'd see it. Of course you did; you hoped everyone would say you were right and she was wrong.

^ I agree with this.

In RL she chose to tell people she wanted to about her past, now you are plastering it all over an internet forum she is part of, for what reason? Her past is absolutely nothing to do with you at all.

themaltesefalcon · 02/03/2014 18:14

Such a low thing to do.

If you're reading this, OP's wife, you have done nothing to be ashamed of.

Your husband, who believes he has the right to control what you say even when he isn't there, is trying to HUMILIATE you, make you feel degraded.

Please tell him to fuck off. Your husband is trying to paint you in a bad light, and you still come off as a hundred times better than that small, poisonous puritan.

WilsonFrickett · 02/03/2014 18:15

oooh is she a MNer OP? Then that really is not on. Even if you don't mean it to, it will come across like you a passive-aggressive way to have a pop at her. Not cool.

BTW for all the pearl clutchers, I tried to do my number in the car earlier, stopped at 90 I think, there's a good few I've forgotten etc. I have been with my DH for 18 years now and never so much as looked at another man so you can all fuck off to the far side of fuck with the judginess and slut shaming.

It is OK for people to like sex.
It is OK for people to like casual sex.
It is OK for people to enjoy meaningless sex.
And drunk sex.
And fuck buddy sex.
It's all just sex.

CrotchMaven · 02/03/2014 18:17

Are there actually any blokes who come on here to post their first thread, which happens to be about their wife, whose wives don't already use MN?

And people wonder why folk give them a hard time...

hickorychicken · 02/03/2014 18:17

How many people use MN for husband shaming?
If this was a woman posting the responses would be so different.