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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

783 replies

Birdo83 · 02/03/2014 08:02

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd. Confused

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 03/03/2014 09:06

jadedangel I would have loved to have the kind of space available to me that meant I could have 120 or so ppl for a garden party.
It just wasn't an option sadly.
We had around 70 ppl at our wedding. I think that's quite small?
Including DCs would have doubled it pretty much.
But as I say, I wish we'd eloped tbh. Much less fuss all round.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 10:20

OOh another post about weddings. OP I don't think you are being unreasonable, as you have said the post was about the people who decide not to attend on principle NOT those who can't attend because of childcare/BF.

I do feel a pang of pity for those who appear to be surgically attached to their DC's, who are unable to leave the house without them, or unable to have an intelligent conversation about anything other than their children. We all appreciate you love your children more than anything else, raising children in a loving family environment is an admirable thing. So is teaching your children independence.

What gets my goat more than anything else is some of the sanctimonious attitudes on her about people who don't have children. Fear not! They were and will be fine. I'm presuming you don't have kids if you have time to worry about such things - I don't have kids, my life is full of lovely and wonderful things, I barely have time to sit down for five minutes. It's certainly not empty because I have not/cannot procreate.

elliejjtiny · 03/03/2014 11:27

YABU

I can't go to weddings unless my DC are invited. I have 4 and 2 have SN so can't really leave them with anyone for that long.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 11:29

FFS will people read the thread. It's not about if you CAN'T go it's about if you WON'T.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 11:41

Exactly Piper....I think there is a small handful of people who actually have.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 11:44

I'm getting bored of the people who don't get it .

It's not about child care, costs or other extenuating circumstances. FFS!

SpookedMackerel · 03/03/2014 11:52

But just because you CAN get childcare, doesn't mean you have to.

I have been invited to a child-free wedding in the summer.

Tbh it is not at a good time, and DH probably couldn't come anyway because of work. But I could go.

I could book 3 flights for me and the DC (can't leave them at home as nobody to look after them while DH is away), take them to DH parents to stay the night, settle them in there, book myself a hotel near the wedding, hire a car to drive there on my own... It would be possible.

I don't want to. I don't think that makes me a selfish person.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 11:56

Again, missing the point.

The point of the thread is that some people refuse to attend a wedding because their dc's haven't been invited. That's it!

It's basically throwing a strop 'well my dc's haven't been invited so I'm not going'.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 12:01

It's about not wanting to go JUST because dc not invited.

And declining because of that reason alone.

mummytime · 03/03/2014 12:03

I do things without my kids. I have been to weddings without them.

But if you invite me to yours, whether or not you invite my kids I might say NO that is why it is called and invitation not a royal command. Its not selfish, you are selfish if you think because you've asked me I have to come if I possibly can.

Of course I will try to go to weddings of close friends or relatives. But it might just not be possible.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:03

Do these people who can't go out without their DC's ever go to the cinema (to see anything above PG), to the pub, to see art not suitable for children, jeez, do they go to work? (Can of worms opened).

SpookedMackerel · 03/03/2014 12:04

But in my example above, if my DC had been invited, I'd probably have made the effort to go. I have gone to greater lengths to attend a wedding in the past.

It's not about throwing a strop (in my case anyway), it's just feeling that it's just too much effort to make for someone that hasn't made much effort for you.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:09

SpookedMackerel, but they have made an effort for YOU, they have invited YOU.

Anyway if this was my wedding and you were one of my close friends I'd be annoyed with you, but it wouldn't bother me in the long run.

SpookedMackerel · 03/03/2014 12:15

I would equate making an effort for someone with putting some thought into how easy it would be for them to come. Not just inviting half their family them.

I'm not in a strop, I really don't mind, and I wish them well, but I'm not going to go to loads of trouble to get to their wedding, because I feel (rightly or wrongly) that they don't actually care whether I am there or not.

Grennie · 03/03/2014 12:26

Someone here said they would stay in and watch a box set on TV, rather than go to a wedding of a friend they couldn't be bothered going to. If you make no effort for your friends, don't expect them to when you need support.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 12:34

But I had a child free wedding, since when does this mean I didn't care? We had a newborn there as I didn't obviously expect my friends to leave a new baby at home.

None of my friends were bothered, we told them a year in advance and they all got baby sitters. But then none of them are the type to cause a fuss over it (we all work with kids, me included, hence why we had a child free wedding) If my DS wasn't invited to a wedding, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest as I'm perfectly capable of going out without him.

I think staying in and watching a box set instead of going to someone's wedding is actually quite insulting. I actually give a shit about my friends and love going to their weddings. I will have many weekends to watch DVDs with my son, my friends weddings not so much.

FryOneFatManic · 03/03/2014 12:36

Just because someone has declined an invitation to a wedding because their DCs were not invited, it doesn't automatically follow on that they are joined at the hip to their DCs.

There could be all sorts of reasons why they don't attend weddings without their DCs.

SapphireMoon · 03/03/2014 12:40

I have no problem with child free weddings or those where all children are invited. I do find weddings where some children invited and some not more problematic.
I know lots here don't agree with me but I feel should be all or none....

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:40

Aaarrrrggghhh!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 12:41

I think I know why you're arrrrrghhing.....

WorrySighWorrySigh · 03/03/2014 12:41

Grennie

Someone here said they would stay in and watch a box set on TV, rather than go to a wedding of a friend they couldn't be bothered going to. If you make no effort for your friends, don't expect them to when you need support.

I was that someone.

Is friendship only about going to somebody's wedding party? I dont like parties, they make me feel fat, sweaty & frumpy. My friends know this so dont use attendance at parties as a test of friendship.

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 03/03/2014 12:41

The point of the thread is that some people refuse to attend a wedding because their dc's haven't been invited. That's it!

It's basically throwing a strop 'well my dc's haven't been invited so I'm not going'.

I've not gone to weddings as we have no childcare - no family and no friends who are willing or able to help out.

But I have sent DH by himself to a few - even when it left me by myself with very young DC after a week of him working long hours.

However since he started working away form home during the week - I'd be very reluctant for him or myself to go. In fact having relatives over the weekends isn't ideal either - cause DH and I don't get spend any time and DC miss him like mad.

It would mean then a fortnight before we have any family time - and then there is big chance family would be over that - so it could put us down to to just two family weekends that month.

That not factoring in cost of attending someone else wedding rather than spending it on doing family stuff together which is rationed as money is tight.

It's prioritizing family over friends wedding - and lets be honest likely bride and groom will be so busy that they won't notice on the day.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:44

Pobble Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/03/2014 12:44

pobble have some Wine and give up now.

People just aren't getting it.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 12:45

Pobble....Piper....
Aggghhhhhhhhhhhh
Am sharing the pain Wine

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