Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

783 replies

Birdo83 · 02/03/2014 08:02

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd. Confused

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 12:46

I go to weddings because I genuinely find my friends getting married really exciting. I love dressing up for the day, catching up with friends and just generally enjoying the occasion.

Actually taking DS is more stressful as we spend the day taking it in turns to chase round a toddler all day or trying to keep him quiet.

Grennie · 03/03/2014 12:46

A wedding is a bit more than a party.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 12:47

Hotdog summed up this thread beautifully at 17.57 yesterday
Wine

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 12:47

Only1scoop

Thanks for the wine. I'm pregnant so could I have a cuppa instead? Wink

I'm not sure why the point is so hard to understand.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:48

Chin chin 1scoop Wine

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:48

and raises a glass to pobble Wine

SapphireMoon · 03/03/2014 12:49

Threads often don't stick to the op's point.
They meander about, move on, move backwards, get hijacked...
Chill Grin.

FryOneFatManic · 03/03/2014 12:49

Oh, I get it alright. When I said there could be reasons, I wasn't referring to childcare, that's already been done to death.

I know one person who doesn't attend weddings without her DCs because she doesn't agree with child-free weddings. I don't agree with that stance, but it is a reason that is nothing to do with childcare.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:51

This thread hasn't been just been hijacked, it's been hijacked, held for ransom, the ransom hasn't been paid ad now it's been thrown into a self-repeating vortex.

PiperRose · 03/03/2014 12:53

Pobble have some Cake to go with that, congrats on the bump.

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 12:53

BrewFor pobble

And handing out virtual wedding cake slices especially for the BU crowd ....who never get to have a chunk....

Grin
Gileswithachainsaw · 03/03/2014 12:53

Brew there you go.

I'm having 2 Wine

SpookedMackerel · 03/03/2014 12:54

I see it as not caring because when you decide to have a child-free wedding, you do it in the full knowledge that some people with children may not be able to attend.

So I see it as thinking - well Spooked has children, she might not be able to come. Oh well, never mind, we have plenty of other friends.

And that puts me off coming.

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/03/2014 12:55

Local church
Local reception
One day only
Baby sitter available
Months of notice

Still decline because kids aren't invited

Idiot proof translation?

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/03/2014 12:57

Or " it's a real struggle financially we really want great uncle Arthur and Aunty rose to come and we can't fit them in of my best friends bring their children. I've known them years they know we love them surely they'd understand...."

merrymouse · 03/03/2014 12:59

Has anybody on this thread said that they have actually not attended the wedding of a close friend because they couldn't bring their children, even though childcare wasn't an issue, or is this all hypothetical?

SapphireMoon · 03/03/2014 13:01

Fine Giles.. I do get it!!
My bug bear different. It's when you think it is a child free wedding, turn up and realise that not completely child free at all. Cats bum faces from those who have 'sorted' their child care out thinking they wouldn't have other peoples' 'chosen' darlings littering the place.
Over and out before I implode!!

JennySense · 03/03/2014 13:01

I've not attended child-free weddings. My brother's was child-free and he made an exception for my two children.
I don't mind if a wedding is child-free but I'm unlikely to go as I think weddings are family events for all generations.
I'm fine with people thinking otherwise and I hope they have a lovely day - it's their choice, just as it's mine to prefer not to go without my children.

merrymouse · 03/03/2014 13:01

And has anybody on this thread actually confronted somebody over their non-attendance because of lack of childcare?

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 03/03/2014 13:01

People just aren't getting it.

I do get it.

Just at this point in my life DH being away so much is massively impacting on our marriage and relationship, as well as his relationship to the DC.

Something that takes either him or me away for the entire weekend - and unless wedding is very local is going to very least all day or any travel and it would be entire weekend is a massive big deal and has a huge impact.

While us attending a friends wedding - usually many other guests and lots of activities for the main couple to occupy - us or one of us not being there much less impact.

I can image others working long hours or having many commitments and seeing little of each other or the DC may feel the same.

It just depends as whether you see not attending without DC is a petulant stamping of feet exercise or an unfortunate effect of life being busy and expensive for most families with DC these days.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 13:06

But I knew all my friends had available child care, because I know them.

I don't have childcare. DS's grandparents live 100+ miles away. But give me enough notice and I can sort something.

I gave my friends a years notice. And as someone who sees children everyday as part of my job I just wanted one child free day. Just once. I fail to see why that's a problem.

We don't have family children so that issue was never there.

JennySense · 03/03/2014 13:07

Incidentally my brother's reason for childfree was not financial. They just didn't want children there. A former boss of mine went child-free because it was "her day".
I declined an invite from a friend because I didn't want to go to what I think is a family event without my family. No drama, no hard feelings or strop, I didn't even give an explanation other than not being sorry to be unable to make it and sent a gift.

merrymouse · 03/03/2014 13:09

But I knew all my friends had available child care, because I know them

But presumably if one of them had said "sorry, the grandparents have booked a holiday that week, we will do our best but we might not be a able to make it". You would have been disappointed but understanding.

JennySense · 03/03/2014 13:09

Gah! that should have read "being sorry to be unable to make it"

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 13:10

My friend ties the knot in August. Most of our friendship group have small dc.

It is no children wedding ....exception made I believe for little niece and a close relative.

It wouldn't even cross my mind to not go

And actually if I didn't go I feel I would be very missed Grin

I'm glad our friendship group of many years is made up of like minded people when it comes down to events like this.

Weddings
Joyous happy occasions
Celebrations
Fun and frolics
Nostalgia

Happy days GUESTZILLAS
Grin