to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog

.....steel knickers on and ready for combat

The dissapointing thing about not inviting your own child to your wedding is that it is hard to know who I should be outraged and offended by.

it's completely pointless tearing strips off each itgers parenting like this.

everyone is different. if couples want a child free wedding then great, if you choose not to go then equally great.

I really don't get the point of the thread.

I think parents who won't spend a day apart from their children even when childcare is available are quite needy and looking for their children to fill a gap in their life. I remember having such fun with my babysitters when I was young, it didn't happen all the time, I spent plenty of time with my parents and grew up with a close relationship with them. But the babysitters were generally younger and more fun and my parents weren't precious about keeping me all to themselves, ultimately i think that being quite dependant on your children is not doing them any favours in the long run.
If a friend of mine sacked off my wedding so they could stay at home with a box set I don't think I would be bending over backwards to support them when they needed it.

I was told you lose your identity when you have children , obviously some people are happy with this and actively choose it.

bodybooboo I think the point of the thread has already been explained.

And also because I'm bored waiting for my dinner.

Saying that, I've already ballsed up my roasties because I've invested far too much time on this thread

Weddings are personal to every couple, not everyone wants one filled with other peoples children. Everybody's entitled to their own ideal.

Parents who expect that everybody else's lives should revolve around their children are always going to be pissed off when it's clear they're not welcome. How dare anyone get married and not invite their little darlings!!! Never mind that it's nearly always those parents whose children are the reason for the child ban.

Hot dog....
Your poor roast potatoes

is exactly the face DD will have when she sees them.

Obviously my friends are all a strange breed then most of my friends when I told them we had got engaged, they quickly told me to not invite the children - and if I did there's wouldn't be coming - about 4 of my friends said this to me seperately. The only children were my neice and nephew (who my sister would have prefered them not to be there!) and my husbands friends children who are like a neice and nephew to him.

I got married about 5-10 years after most of my friends and we would have had 31 children ranging from 6 months to 5 years at the wedding if we had invited them and had to pay £50 a head for 20 of them as they were over 2. When you are limited to numbers its a lot to fit in.

Only one couple couldn't make it due to childcare issues - we knew it was a risk but no one else complained at all. Most appreciated it.

Wow I'm surprised at how judgmental people are here. If people turn down a wedding invitation because they'd rather spend the day with their children, it doesn't mean they have no sense of self and a gap in their lives. That's a little dramatic!

Having been married for many years and having been through many life events what I realise is that a wedding day is just one of many life events. It isnt necessarily the most important one.

That is because yours was years ago Worry

At the time it probably was...

I'm so sick of weddings. A lot of people getting married these days seem to think they have to have some OK/Hello inspired affair where they get to be queen for the day. I'm sorry, but do grow up. Real life means your guests have other priorities and if you're asking people to celebrate with you then fgs make it easy for them. That's the gracious thing to do.

Real life means kids, warts and all. That's the world we live in. Have your little bubble day if you have to, but accept that you're making life difficult for people. OR scale down and have the wedding you can afford that doesn't alienate people from the get-go.

Don't think it's best karma to be pissing folk off the minute you start planning a life together.

Some people elope because of interfering families too.

Yes, quick, invite EVERY child you've ever met, in case you get bad karma!!

Not all of real life means kids, you know.

Sorry, if you're having a wedding and inviting lots of people then you need to accept that those people have lives and priorities beyond your precious day. Dashed inconvenient for some, but there you are.

I can think of lots of areas of real life where kids shouldn't be but a wedding isn't one of them.

I think it's weird that people want to exclude children from an event that's supposed to represent love, commitment, celebration. How else do they learn about these values? Certain people complain about marriage figures declining, it's easy just to live together - no bloody wonder if kids are learning at an early age that weddings don't include them.

Jaded - Most people don't have that many close family and friends. I am not talking about wedding invites from someone you went to school with but rarely see any more, or a cousin you hardly know. But people who really do matter to you.

But why is the (presumably) once in a lifetime event of someone you care about less of a priority than a ballet class or a village event? Why not sack those things off on the odd occasion when you feel you need a weekend without obligations? It seems really weird to me to think that the need for family time is so great that I will sack off a wedding, but will not give up village events or ballet etc?

hotdog, no, even at the time it wasnt the most important thing. The important thing to us was that we had just bought a house and were just starting to live together. A small register office wedding followed by lunch with the people who could come. It is the marriage which matters not the wedding.

Obviously it depends on your relationship with the wedding party. If you're close to them then yes of course, the day's important. But then I'd say if you're close to them then your dcs should be invited too.

If it's a distant cousin or friend of a friend then it's different.

But tulip their parents are teaching them that weddings are optional events which should be given less priority than visits from friends, dance classes etc! The parents in that situation are exactly the ones minimising the importance of a wedding/marriage, that it's not a big enough deal to be inconvenienced for.

If ds2 misses on of his Saturday classes he's out. He's allowed to miss 2 a year, his choice to do it. He's already missed two this year so that's it now until it stats again in September.