to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

Rainbow - Nobody is saying anything about parents that can't get babysitters. This is about parents who refuse to go to a wedding because their children are not invited - because they don't want to spend their leisure time going to things without their children.

Have to say I think a wedding without any children would not be as enjoyable to me as one with children and families - yes, even with crying babies and snotty toddlers!
Personally I'd rather choose another, less formal, venue than have an adults only do.
I like spring or summer weddings with children running about in the garden
I think you decide on your preferred style of wedding and priorities, send out invitations, and accept the response to them graciously.
Not necessarily any selfishness involved by anyone?

My toddler niece decided to go streaking in the middle of my wedding dinner. Ran around the table butt naked about 3 times before my sister finally caught her.

Best memory of the day :-)

(I know, it has little to do with the OP's question, but I felt like sharing!)

Interesting, Sillylass. What about saying 'sorry, do you mind? I'd rather not have to listen to Maisie screeching/crying/whinging/shouting'. Is that ok?

And if people refuse to go to weddings of close family and friends because their kids can't come and they thing they should be there; then they need to deal with the consequences of so not obviously caring about their family member of friend.

I can't get over-excited about the whole wedding hoopla given the divorce stats tbh.

If you want to go, go.
If you you don't, don't.

It's a sad thing to think people might go from a sense of obligation. Better to go willingly or not at all.

Grennie well if the bride and groom are not inviting their kids, it is their choice to accept or not.

Juggling - I don't mind children at weddings. I don't see that their presence unless they are your own children or children you love, really adds anything. It is perfectly possible to have a lovely informal wedding without children. I attended some before my peers started having kids.

Rainbow - Of course it is their choice. But as I said upthread I do believe in duty. Most people don't go to weddings because they think it will be a great social occasion. They go because they love or care about the bride and groom and want to support them.

Agree with you again Grennie.

It's having an adult friendship. I have a friendship with the parent, not the child.

For example, my work colleagues. I've worked with them for 12 years. I've developed a genuine friendship with them because we've all supported each other through some of the most stressful or happiest times in our lives.

We wouldn't have been able to talk as openly with each other if the DC were around all the time. I wouldn't have got to know them as I do now if that were the case.

But then if it's close family, why would you choose not to invite their kids?

some people may just not want to go to a family event without their family?

I dont get the whole not going if kids arent invited. If childcare isnt an issue what is the problem? Its ok to enjoy time away from your spawn. I bloody love it.

And its the bride/grooms wedding. They have no obligation to anyone.

"Define dangerous"
Falling into ponds/fountains
Pulling tablecloths off tables, with all the glassware/crockery on the table falling on them
Running into the hot buffet tables
And yes, running out of the area into the carpark/road

Seen all of those.

I think it's a kind of nasty snobbery to exclude people from occasions such as marriage on grounds of age, unattractiveness or whatever, and that includes children. It's not a party, it's a social institution, and society includes people of all ages and types.

Some brides are so utterly precious.

Sorry - seen all of those nearly happen. Not actually happen.

I love spending time away from my kids, unfortunately it's not often.
but I don't agree with discluding people's kids, I never done it at my own wedding. people had the choice.

Well other people's children who I'd never met before definitely added something special to our summer wedding - as I mentioned it was lovely to see them running around and playing in the garden. They joined in playing with my nephews and nieces who obviously did mean a lot to me. Some friends brought their children with them and others chose not to. I was equally happy with either choice they made, but personally feel it's friendlier to invite the whole family than say it's adults only.

Rainbow - I don't know as I have never been to a wedding where close family's kids aren't invited. But at a guess, maybe because those kids are a nightmare?

I would have thought very hard for example about inviting one cousin's children who were "lively" and usually totally unsupervised by the parents. They were the kind of kids and parents whose behaviour in public places, sparks MN threads.

Of course it's not selfish to decline an invitation if you don't want to go for whatever reason. I would never want someone to attend an event (wedding?) I had organised if they didn't want to be there!

I am 100% okay with people having child free weddings or weddings with millions of kids. However, the hosts shouldn't mind if it doesn't suit their guests to attend.

I have four kids close in age and am happy with either type of invite. If I couldn't make it I would decline. I can't see any issue.

I am mystified by how offended people get.

The thing any host MUST do is be crystal clear about who is and isn't invited at the very outset of any planning.

Maybe because they don't have kids themselves or just don't want them there??

but if you choose not to invite people's kids you shouldn't be surprised when they turn your invite down.

Boffinmum - What if the B&G want a party?

Is that UR then?

No-one mentioned attractiveness either. Where did you get that from? How strange.

Now if the B&G and excluded their own children from the wedding, seeing as it's about the union, then that is outrageous by most peoples standards.

But because they won't invited their second/third cousins child or work colleagues children then they're snobs?

It's bloody strange!