to think people are selfish to not go to a wedding if it's adults only?

[Birdo83]

Just read another thread where several members said they would refuse to go to a wedding if their children weren't invited. Not for child care reasons but just cause they thought it wasn't right.

Space at weddings are limited what with both peoples friends and family. Are people really expecting some of the bride or grooms friends or family not to attend THEIR wedding so people's kids can take up all the seats? Our wedding was adults only because of course I wanted to prioritise my loved ones over other peoples children who, on the whole, don't mean so much to me. I'd have to have turned several of my closest friends if I'd let everyone bring all their children which I'd hate to do.

It's also worrying how many people can't seem to enjoy themselves without their kids. Ditto people who refuse to go to parties that our adults only. Very odd.

I don't attend things except as 'family' but don't get huffy if that means I can't go.

Other peoples kids don't tend to bother me, but then I've never been anywhere that other people kids (or my own) ruined something.

I don't attend things except as 'family' but don't get huffy if that means I can't go.

Does that go for everything, LtEve? Any parties/get-togethers/meals/other social occasions that friends have organised?

Not as selfish as ignoring the adult only bit and turning up with a small girl in a bridesmaid's dress.

Yes I saw this happen.

Can't be arsed to read the whole thread, but OP you are BU. And a bit odd yourself.
It really isn't any of your business if other people want to have their kids 'glued to their hip' . Some people might choose to spend their time with their own children, rather than at your wedding. Deal with it.

I go to them if they are local whether daytime or evening only. But I turn down if it means travelling hours just for evening do or if it is just us and involves overnight. Usually in the latter case one of us will go. I do find child free a bit stale tbh but each to their own.

I don't understand those who seem to see weddings as just another social occasion and only turn up if it is their choice of how they want to use their leisure time. I do believe in duty and sometimes you need to do things for others you wouldn't choose to do, but you do it because you love and care about them.

grennie I agree.

Of course they are boring. But have you never bored a friend yourself??? Rambled on about boyfriends or jobs etc. Do you think that's fun? No. But if your friend is there every time most likely bored herself then why could you not just go? For them?

It's just what you do. They are your friend/family and surely you can put aside most things for one day to be there for them.

At one wedding we went to (pre children), one child took a liking to DH and decided to attach himself to him for the day. He wanted to chat to DH constantly, followed him around everywhere, asking for piggy backs etc.

The parents buggered off thinking it was free babysitting and we had no time together.

Eventually the parents said to us 'oh tell us if he's annoying you'. So we did.

If you chose to bring your kids to a wedding at least fucking look after them yourself rather than expecting random strangers to do it for you.

I can love and care about people, and realize that their invitation to me is out of duty and they will enjoy their day just as much if not more without me, and they love and care about me enough to prefer I not get into a large amount of debt and stress trying to get their event, particularly when they've made it clear that they want an event in a specific way that they know we'll have difficulty understanding or enjoying.

Maybe it's because I eloped and have never had my side of the family at my life events, but I do not get the idea that one should be part or have others take part in life events out of duty when we can celebrate those events together afterwards in a way that is good for all of us. Surely a thoughtful much needed gift and time together doing something mutually enjoyable is better than those we love being stressed at performing their duty for our events. I wouldn't want people going into debt and stress out of duty unless it was some sort of event where it's likely we won't see them and celebrate with them again.

And if a friend didn't come to my wedding because it is not how she would choose to spend her family leisure time, she wouldn't be a friend any longer.

I tend to be pretty easy going and tolerant with people. But I also think friendships matter.

It's hilarious silly because you are assuming the people who prefer a child free wedding have some sort of anger issue (or easily triggered as you put it) they need to address just to spend time in the company of other peoples children.

TheSpork - Debt is different. Spending a whole day travelling to and from a wedding is something you put up with. You don't have to stay overnight at most weddings.

In terms of people who never go anywhere socially without their kids, talking to adults when children are not around is different. There are subjects I am never going to discuss in front of your kids. And that would always make our friendship far more shallow than it need be.

Grennie - Agree with that.

There is only so much talking about children I can stomach.

Yes, I am perfectly capable of cooing over a cute little bridesmaid, or laughing at a story involving someones DC but I don't want to talk about it all day & night.

Those people bore me to tears and I avoid as much as possible.

Are people really able to ignore other people's children when they're about to do something dangerous/stupid? Some of the weddings/events I've been to where the parents just decide to let their children run free have been pretty worrying, because there are usually hazards all around, and if you have a bunch of random under 6s running feral around the place (yes, have seen it) then it can be pretty dangerous - I couldn't just turn my back on them and think "not my child, not my problem"!

I don't mind child free weddings and make the effort to go.

However we have a couple of relatives weddings without children coming up and it's a PITA as all the people who could provide childcare will be at the wedding. What am I supposed to do then?

It's not selfish to dictate a child free wedding but it is selfish when you get the hump that people cannot attend due to your initial demands. You can't have it both ways.

There are some weddings where the B&G could lay on a creche and hot & cold running nannies and I would have thought 'nah'.

Then there are other weddings where you think 'sod it, I'll leave the kids with a tin of spam, they'll be fine'.

I agree thumbwitch and my DP is even worse in making sure children are safe who have been left to run free unsupervised.

Silly Now you're just assuming I have no experience with children. Thanks for the tips but I don't need them.

Tuning out a child who climbs all over you or pokes at your food or is kicking your seat is not as easy as it sounds.

All the while the parents sit there watching them thinking how cute they are and get their their knickers in a twist when you don't think so.

Well you have the choice to tell people their kids aren't welcome at your welcome so they have the choice weather to go or not.
some people may not have babysitters some might disagree with you so choose not to. it's the consequences you face I guess.

HotDog - It isn't just about those who only talk about kids. I can have a nice time with adults and lots of kids around talking about superfacial stuff. But I know there are lots of things I can't talk about. So kids are not great at keeping confidences - they are kids. So I am not going to say anything that I don't want everyone to know about. Or anything that young kids shouldn't be hearing about.

That means if I never see you without kids, then we can have nice meet ups, but our friendship will always be at the superfacial level. You are never going to know for example, if DP and I are having problems in our relationship, or if I have serious health problems.

And kids do repeat these things. I used to work with kids and heard from kids all sorts of things they had overheard from the details of their mum's hysterectomy, to things about mum's friends relationship that they did not understand, but repeated.

If you're at a wedding where kids have been invited and that's not to your liking, you need to be able to tune them out the way you might in a cafe or restaurant or on a train and move away when you can. Usually a high seat in the bar does it. Also, generally ignoring and not engaging with them makes them less likely to engage you. It's just pointless getting knickers in a twist over it.

Or if it's the wedding I am paying for, the simple thing to do is not to invite them.