To think that if you host a party for yourself you should provide food and drink

[housebox]

One of my friends is having a birthday party for herself at her house. She has invited people but asked everyone to bring a dish and given out a list of things they need for people to tick off. This encompasses everything you might have at a buffet plus alcoholic/non alcoholic drinks to I assume that this means she is not providing anything!

There is nothing saying that we are not to bring gifts either so she is clearly expecting pressies too.

Said friend and her husband are fairly well off so well able to afford to cater for the small group that have been invited.

I understand that if someone is having a general get-together like a BBQ and offering their house as the venue you might ask people to bring a dish but if you are actually having the party to celebrate your own birthday surely it is quite rude to basically ask people to pay for your party!

I see no problem with pot luck suppers or being invited to a restaurant for a meal and paying your own way. I think it is strange not to contribute to a meal and usually have a lot of fun at pot lucks. We normally end up with a balanced meal but sometimes end up with very similar food- moussaka, lasagne, Bolognese (they forgot spaghetti) and chilli :D

Sparkling, I never do a list, and Bowler I am not mean and horrible. I just do not understand the ops problem. My friends always ask what to bring, and we never run out of food n drink. We just have fun, so much so, and I might be outing myself with this one, they want me to do Xmas again :)

Perhaps key to this is that brining along specified items is fine S long as it is a general celebration of some sort? What sours it is that someone is demanding you do all of these things to honour one person?
I was once asked to a party five hours away and invite specified I bring my own food, booze and bedding .
Didn't go.
Obv.

Pot luck does not involve a list. This is not a casual drop by, we all love each other, let's get together party. That is one thing and usually grows up over time as people get to know each other. A birthday, come and celebrate the wonderfulness of me being a year older party is different.

At this stage of life, many of my friends are far flung. When there is a chance to get together for a birthday or other event, I'm just glad to be able to see them. It really doesn't matter much what we eat, who cooked it or if I had to takea sleeping bag and sleep on the floor. Perhaps I am down to earth and do t need to be made a fuss of, to feel special to my friends.
Of course it is nice to be made a fuss of occasionally. I do love it when someone has prepared a wonderful meal. But I must say that my enjoyment does not depend on them having out in all the work. There is definitely something good and bonding that comes from pulling together to put on a party...birthdays same as anyone's party in my book.

You were a bit mean Jane you said you were very glad I wasn't one of your friends.

Jane, don't worry, you haven't outed yourself. My friends want me to do Christmas again . Yes, like a zillion other people. I hope you actually were being sarcastic.

Still wrong.

You don't host a birthday party, and then expect all your guests to host it for you.

Sparkling, I'm sorry you felt I was being mean, but I think you have very different views to me on this subject.

No Bowler, I wasn't being sarcastic, my friends still think I'm nuts doing an Xmas party, but I really enjoy it :)

And that's ok Jane that's what AIBU is all about. But differing views doesn't mean people can't still possibly be friends.

Ok Sparkling, are we now friends?? :) x

Why do your friends think you're nuts doing a Christmas party, Jane? Do they and you realise it's a worldwide celebration and just about everyone else is doing the same thing?
Pmsl at you outing yourself on the Internet as "the one who hosted a Christmas party"

No I'm not that bothered about outing myself but I was asked today if I'd do it again for this Xmas as no one else wanted too. Molly I'm glad you had a laugh at me cos laughing is always good.

I think I have worked out why there are very different views on this topic.
It is this word 'guests'.
Some people only feel like guests if there is a distinction between guests and hosts. They want to be traditional guests and the party holder to take a traditional hostess role. The event itself is a big thing for them and these people see themselves as the 'company' who have come to be entertained.

For other people, it is more about the people. They don't have a sense of 'in my house I cook and clear up....and in yours, you do it for us'. The venue is a bit irrelevant. It is just a space to meet together. In Reality, it is owned by someone, but to people who aren't bothered about being asked to bring and share for birthdays, or to come early to do hard labour, there is less of a sense of hosts and guests. Less distinction. It is just friends together. So anyone can provide the venue and anyone can provide the food. Usually though, there is an organiser, but that does not mean providi g everything.

Do you think Im right, that this difference in view of what being a host and guest means, is at the root of our differences?

Certainly with me it's just an excuse to have a party, and I live nearer to work than most people so it's essier on a Friday night to just arrange a BBQ or similar if the weather looks good.

Easier, I hate phone messaging.

For me it's probably the way i was brought up. Nobody ever brought food to Mum and Dad when they entertained and we didn't take food to anyone elses's. That was just the way it was.

But that said, I have never been asked to take any food to a party. I have never seen a tick list of requirements. I have never asked anyone to bring food to my house.

I actually prefer to eat out. Not a £££ restaurant meal. The cheapo pub up the road that does nice food. No preparing, no clearing up.

Sparkling, when I eat out I want the food to be very much better than I can do, unfortunately I am generally very disappointed. Had a meal out this week and it was very bad, do unless I want to pay shedloads it's easier and better to eat at home.

In NZ we always take booze and nibbles. If its a bring a plate then we do that. If a dinner party/bithday then booze, nibbles, or cheese, or veges from garden. Never empty handed ever! You may as well go to a restaurant!
I wonder if those on this thread posturing about being guests are the same folk who won't take their shoes off in other peoples houses.....

Pixie

YY it does depend on the local availability of decent eating places Jane.

OMG pixie do not bring shoes on/off onto this thread. There will be deletions and banning and the internet will explode.

What about dogs sparkling? Maybe we should discuss if they can come to the party too? ;)

Only if they brought their own tins of Chappie Grennie.

Wombat - Yes I think you are right. I wonder if those who see the distinction between host and guests perhaps also go to parties less and so parties are big events?