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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why a 42 year old woman is texting my son?

79 replies

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:26

Name changer here as my dc know my normal username.

I am quite prepared to be told that I am bring unreasonable, I genuinely just don't know.

Last week, my 23 year old son laughed out loud at a text he was reading. I asked who it was from and he said x from work. He's mentioned x a couple of times, and I know she's married with two young children. I 'casually' asked if it was to do with work and ds said that no, they just exchange texts sometimes, just chatting and joking really.

I don't know why, but I just feel a bit uncomfortable. I know my ds is an adult but he's also my boy and I can only think of one reason a woman my age would be texting a young man. I think she's probably getting some sort of excitement out of it. And I think ds is naive enough to not realise this.

So, am I just being PFB over ds who is fully entitled to text whoever he likes? Oh, I should add that if there is even a sliver of hope that I am not being unreasonable, then what should I do? Warn ds about the perils of middle-aged women trying to brighten up their lives by exchanging banter with young men? I feel like a horrible person even typing that. She may well be lovely.

OP posts:

CaptainHindsight · 27/02/2014 11:30

I'm 26 and regularly send daft shite to a colleague who is 56.

Nothing inappropriate at all.

Onesleeptillwembley · 27/02/2014 11:31

You sound a bit odd. Why on earth can't two people that work together and get on send funny texts?

CaptainHindsight · 27/02/2014 11:31

yes my DH knows I'm texting other men

PuppyMonkey · 27/02/2014 11:32

I am 47 and often send jokey texts to people who are younger than me.

Driveway · 27/02/2014 11:33

When I was 19 I made really good work friends with a 52 year old woman. There's not necessarily anything in it!

Original poster

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:33

Thanks, Captain, that's reassuring. I think that I need to accept he's an adult now and knows what he's doing. Perhaps I need to get a hobby!

OP posts:

MadIsTheNewNormal · 27/02/2014 11:33

It is entirely possible that they are just good mates at work and they share the same sense of humour, like to chat etc. Ask yourself honestly, if it has been a 40-odd year old bloke from work texting him, would you even have batted an eyelid?

On the other hand it's also entirely possible that she has a thing for him that is bordering on inappropriate, and it may well be mutual. Not inappropriate because of the age difference, but because she is married with children. Either way, he's an adult and you have to back off myob I'm afraid.

NCISaddict · 27/02/2014 11:34

I'm 49 and regularly send and receive texts from male and female colleagues who are younger than me, lets face it most people are younger than me . Generally jokes and funny stuff, I have no sexual interest in any of them, and yes my DH knows I text men and woman I work with as does he.

MrsBennetsEldest · 27/02/2014 11:34

YANBU ( IMO), of course your son can talk/txt whoever he wants. If it were one of my sons I would look at it like she's a motherly type and joking with him like I do with my DSs mates ( most definitely in a motherly way).

I would make a joke out of his having a cougar chasing him. :)

Original poster

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:35

Sorry, it moved on a bit while I was typing! Thanks, everyone. I think I just got a bit over-protective. Ridiculous really.

(No need to call me odd though.)

OP posts:

lottieandmia · 27/02/2014 11:37

23 is old enough that stuff like this really isn't your business. Sorry.

Original poster

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:38

And you can tell that I am blinded by the fact that clearly ds is so amazing that no woman can be near him without fancying him. Oh dear. I really do need to get a grip.

OP posts:

MadIsTheNewNormal · 27/02/2014 11:39

Not ridiculous at all to wonder, and sometimes a mother's intuition is very strong. But even if your suspicions are correct there's nothing you can do about it, so just try to chill.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/02/2014 11:40

Yabvvu he is a grown consenting adult. Let him get on with his life

AgaPanthers · 27/02/2014 11:41

He's not your boy, he's a 23-year-old man.

somedizzywhore1804 · 27/02/2014 11:43

I'm 28 and aged 23 met and made friends with a male colleague who, at the time was 46. He is married with two daughters who are 5 yrs younger than me.

We've had a great friendship over the years, he is friends with my DH now too and his wife asks us round for dinner and BBQs and all sorts.

Never been any hint of anything sexual between us.

Original poster

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:44

Thanks again for the feedback. It's actually given me a real wake-up call. You're all right. He is an adult and not my boy. I think this whole thing actually says more about me and I feel quite ashamed. Still, the only positive is that I discussed it on here rather than with him.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 27/02/2014 11:47

My DC have a range of hobbies that attract a mixed batch of ages and sexes, and they have cross-generational friendships.
As they are aduts, I trust their intelligence and their sense of self-respect to determine how those friendships work.
I did my training/overseeing bit when they were younger.

MadIsTheNewNormal · 27/02/2014 11:50

My DH is great mates with a girl who used to work for him, has been for a few years, he's 53 and she's in her mid 20's. There has never been anything in it at all to worry about - I think she sees him as a much older big brother.

Original poster

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:57

I'm feeling really reassured now but also a bit of a fool. Thank you for all your replies. Going off to lick my wounds and browse the adult education brochure and look for classes; I think it's about time I found something to occupy my time outside work and stopped interfering with my adult offspring's lives.

OP posts:

Original poster

WheatleyDaze · 27/02/2014 11:57

Not feeling sorry for myself, btw. I genuinely think this has been just the kick I needed.

OP posts:

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 27/02/2014 12:01

Yep, as others have said - probably not anything going on (and even if there was, he is an adult) .

I used to work in community care, mainly with women but also a few men with an age range of 18-60+. I am 38 & would have texted younger colleagues something I thought they would have found funny or interesting. It's just an extension of the work based friendship .

apartridgeinapeartree · 27/02/2014 12:03

You sound like a great mum WheatleyDaze. I wish my mum had been interested in who my friends were, she always acted as if it was none of her concern, and it made me feel she didn't care.

Yes, you need to back off, he is an adult, but you recognise that. We all have lapses of judgement, the trick is spotting them! Which you have done with grace and good humour.

Have fun looking for classes - what do you fancy?

benjalamummy · 27/02/2014 12:11

You sound lovely Wheatley - please don't feel like a fool, or ashamed. Of course, like people have said, he is an adult, with his own life .... but in your heart he will ALWAYS be your boy xxx

OatcakeCravings · 27/02/2014 12:17

Shit! I'm really friendly with a 23 year old at work and i am 39. He is gay so at least people won't be thinking like 'that' but still it never once entered my head that someone (his Mum) would think it was odd. I assumed that most adults have wide range of friends of all different ages, one of my best female friends is 61.

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