AIBU to wonder why a 42 year old woman is texting my son?

[WheatleyDaze]

Name changer here as my dc know my normal username.

I am quite prepared to be told that I am bring unreasonable, I genuinely just don't know.

Last week, my 23 year old son laughed out loud at a text he was reading. I asked who it was from and he said x from work. He's mentioned x a couple of times, and I know she's married with two young children. I 'casually' asked if it was to do with work and ds said that no, they just exchange texts sometimes, just chatting and joking really.

I don't know why, but I just feel a bit uncomfortable. I know my ds is an adult but he's also my boy and I can only think of one reason a woman my age would be texting a young man. I think she's probably getting some sort of excitement out of it. And I think ds is naive enough to not realise this.

So, am I just being PFB over ds who is fully entitled to text whoever he likes? Oh, I should add that if there is even a sliver of hope that I am not being unreasonable, then what should I do? Warn ds about the perils of middle-aged women trying to brighten up their lives by exchanging banter with young men? I feel like a horrible person even typing that. She may well be lovely.

My DS is the same age and I would have felt like you. Problem is my Brother did have a relationship with a much older women (he was 19 and she was late 30s) and although it split up, broke my Mums heart at the time. So no YANBU but quite ok to worry. I think you never stop worrying though do you?

When I was in my early 20s one of my closest mates was in his late 60s. We met at work and stayed close after he retired right up until he died. He had a wicked sense of humour.

You've all been really kind. OatcakeCravings, you musn't worry. This thread proves that IABU so most people won't be giving a passing thought to your friendship.

Partridge, I genuinely don't know. I think I've forgotten what my interests used to be. Still, at least that means I have the opportunity to try anything!

He's not your boy, he's a 23-year-old man

Aww! He'll always be your boy! My dh's parents still send him birthday cards with 'Son' on featuring drawings of steam trains, football boots, racing cars and the like, and he's oooooold!

Wheatley, you sound really lovely and thoughtful. Much better that you are a bit over protective at times than couldn't give a monkeys!

I am in my early 20s as well and it's quite hard to find places of work where most people won't be older than you, and there's nothing wrong with having a friendly relationship with the people you have to work with each day. It's a good thing that he can be friends with people more mature than him, not sinister.

I would also be quite offended if my mum posted something like this... He is old enough to have children of his own but you talk about him like he's a school boy.

You're so right Pregnantberry. I'm just glad I put it on here rather than bringing it up with him. Thanks to MN, I have dodged an embarrassing and unnecessary conversation. And, one of the very last things I would want to do would be to offend my ds. I don't think I'd realised how hard I am finding it to treat him as the adult he is. At least I can take steps to remedy that now.

Thanks again, everyone. This has been very enlightening and I'm glad I posted.

I met my now dh when he was 23. I was single but with a child. I was 34. We've been together 21 years this year. We still don't speak to his mother. I admit we've tried a couple of times, but each and every time I end up being cast in the role of evil controlling older woman.
You don't say how old the woman is Wheatley just middle aged. Do you know that, if she's got young children (ds was 8 when I met dh), she could be only ten years older than him.

Hi Dawndonnaagain, I'm sorry to hear that you've been cast in that role by your mil. Not fair on you at all and I'm glad I've had so many opinions because I really feel I've dodged a bullet here. (Not that my son has showed any romantic inclination toward his colleague at all.)

DS's colleague is 42. Although, I realise now that I've been very silly about the whole thing and have a bit of thinking to do about my own role as mum to an adult son. You never stop learning.

Sorry, everyone, I keep repeating myself! It's just been a bit of a revelation, that's all.

I send chatty texts to my PhD students, male and female, all of whom are 10-15 years younger than me. Nothing sinister in it at all.

At 23 I was boffing a 35 year old. It was brilliant. :) And no one's business but my own.

I'm glad you got what you needed from this thread, OP.

I hope you don't get 17 pages of people telling you you're BU after you've said you know you were!! I too text and email silly things to younger colleagues but actually it would be to fellow females rather than other guys, don't know why really - mainly because I'm friendlier with the females as they are in my vicinity. Either way, as you say he's a grown up and I'm sure there's nowt to this anyway. Don't feel daft! You sound luvverly x

Eurochick I grew up calling a fart a boff. This particular use of the word causes me all sorts of

Wheatley First of all, well done. I actually think you are probably a better woman than I, certainly more able to take a range of opinions on board.
Other than that, I have a 29 year old (the eight year old mentioned above) and a 19 year old, both boys, as well as 17 year old twin dds. There are plenty of things I question that perhaps I do unnecessarily. I think we are all guilty of it and need reminding now and then that our children are growing up!

Captain I've never heard it used that way before! I definitely wasn't farting on him...

I am 42 with 2 small children...I would be mortified if anyone thought my texts/ emails to colleagues were inappropriate. I am glad you seem to have calmed down OP.

My closest friend during my nurse training was a 61 year old male nurse and although we had no texts then we sent messages via carrier pigeon he was my mate, a confidante and support.

I never shagged him nor got any intimation that he had it in mind. His wife knew and had not a problem with it- she was also a mate.

It may or may not mean anything but inter generational friendships are enriching and actually as natural and important as those with people our own age.

Aw OP don't beat yourself up. My DS is 27, married (to a fantastic young woman) and lives 5000 miles away but I still think of him as 'my lovely boy'!
I know he's a man and I'm proud of him for the wonderful independent adult life he's living, but they always remain our babies at heart . You sound like a lovely Mum x.

He'll always be your boy OP, whatever age he gets to, it's how I describe my 18 year old son.
Anyway you asked a question, have listened to others and have been very gracious.
I also hope the not RTFTers will lay off now.
It just sounds like a harmless work friendship to me BTW which is all good, it means he's happy and comfortable in his work and can share a joke with his colleagues of any age. Kudos to him.

OMG I'm a 45 year old married mum and I regularly chat with a 25 year old male colleague. I would be totally horrified if this was misconstrued as anything other than a friendly professional relationship.

I was texting a 22 yr old colleague when I was 42 - we used to have a laugh but there was nothing sexual about it, we just shared a sense of humour . I was actually slightly older than his mother!

I was 22 when I took my first job as a secondary school teacher, my colleague and mentor was 40 and we got on really well, he and I texted quite a lot. He was married with kids, I had a boyfriend, it was all absolutely fine.

Until he waited til she was away to suggest doing marking at his house then pounced on me

Sorry Wheatly just saw your last post.

YANBU.... you are being deranged !