To have sex once a week.

[Nottonightdarlin]

Nc as will be showing dp this thread.

We have a great relationship - he is currently massaging my feet.

I'm a SAHM with our 9 month dd, and I really love it. It's something we both agreed on.

I'm just so god dam tired by night time. I got to bed to sleep . I do all the house work and dp goes to work and is out of the house 12 hours a day.

Honestly the only day im up for it is Saturday , when I've been to work for a few hours and dp has had dd during the day when he is off.

When we do have sex, it's very passionate - that's not the problem, it's just most of the time I'm too tired to give a shit.

Obviously dp would like it at least twice I think my rejections are offending him. I don't want him to feel like shit. He never pressurises me.

Is once a week normal ?

Or do you have to pretend to enjoy yourself too?

No, it really isn't the same as making someone a cup of tea.

Have named changed for this. Just in case DH does know me on here.

Aren't lots of relationships prone to this, feast or famine and occasionally somewhere between the two? A long spell of celibacy means that when they don't have sex, a DP feels like they're rejected. Even when they do get intimate, and it's amazing, they ca't wait for the next time. Until that happens again, whatever the delay or postponement, it makes them feel unattractive and undesirable.

Newsflash: realistically, unless you both have the same libido, one of you is likely to be disappointed now and then.

Maybe when we dated, maybe before our 3rd anniversary, certainly before our DDs we found more opportunity. Perhaps I changed, perhaps he married me thinking hey we're so attuned, perhaps he did think we were identical in libido. Well he used to cook for me, he used to buy flowers, he only had eyes for me. Guess what, time passes, what we did to attract our mate, that shiny persona, can fizzle out.

btw when people say, oh but the more you have sex, the more you want it, personally if I am worn out and not in the mood, guess what - I still won't fancy it. And the "getting wifey in the mood" bottle of wine + foot rub tactics will not automatically succeed either. I want to participate and enjoy the moment not be there thinking do get on with it so I can sleep.

What is your definition of housework. My DH used to work away a lot. He got used to 5* hotels and room service. As a SAHM my priority was childcare and then keeping things ticking over domestically, 24/7. He was sometimes critical of things I hadn't done but I wasn't paid to run a hotel, when he came home he was still capable of using his hands and legs. By reasonable standards we lived in a clean home, there was food available and the DCs weren't raised by wolves. If he's too tired to fix something or bathe the kids or put his own stuff in the laundry basket, don't I get to choose whether I feel up for giving a BJ or intercourse?

OP I hope you aren't afraid of change, ime things can improve as the DCs get older, don't ever get to that point of thinking well, to keep him happy, I should go through the motions; that's killing.

Just to make clear - the dad's net link is not about me! I just linked it as a similar one was on dadsnet with some shit advice!!

I have never had sex when I've not wanted it. When we do have it, it's hot!

My definition of house work is bombing round house with hover, put a wash on, fold drying, prepare tea, clean a room if it's manky. Wash any pots.

Im a bit has this thread took a different turn towards another poster?

OP that's the wonder of MN. But to answer your original question, I don't think once a week is abnormal, however as soon as/if your dp starts quoting What Other People Experience and feeling like he's missing out, you might want to reassure him that when you have the energy, he'll now about it. Meanwhile you can both be tactile, pay compliments, arrange a babysitter when possible.

know not 'now'.

Flipping you're right, maybe misogyny was the wrong word but I find attitudes like yours regarding men and sex extremely harmful to women and offensive to men.

I don't need to force myself to have sex with my husband so that he won't cheat and I am not punishing him by not doing that. Any man who expects it like that isn't worth giving it too.

My husband isn't some animal who requires tending to. He is not some robot programmed to orgasm several times a week or he short circuits. I think you have some very odd men in your life.

DH and I have sex when we both want too, there is no minimum 'acceptable' amount. It varies with what is going on in our lives and that's how it should be.

once a week is alright, though personally I'd get it on with my other half a bit more often if he wanted to, just because I like to please him :P Probably not the feministic view though! Perhaps he needs to put in more effort to get you in the mood, or do somethings around the house one day to give you a break ;) I find a man doing the dishes and hoovering the house is a pretty good "turn-on" if that makes sense!

Uhm just glancing over some other posts, and wanted to say that I don't do it "for him" to keep him from cheating, and that I do it because I simply enjoy and get pleasure from doing something he enjoys and gets pleasure from! To me it's fine as long as I feel fine about it and it doesn't become a chore! Though I'm not hard to ask anyway so it's pretty rare.

I have never been excited and desperate to put fuel in the car or feed the cats. What a strange thing to say

Most . Why won't it meet his needs in the long term? Help!

Decent men, really don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to do it. They may be feeling horny and it may satisfy that need, but it doesn't fulfill that need properly. My DH would rather wank if I wasn't in the mood. Continuing to have sex with someone who didn't want to, becomes dull and unsatisfying.

OP, it sounds like you and your DH have a great sex life, that like most couples, takes a bit of a dip when you have young kids. It will get better in time.