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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex once a week.

136 replies

Nottonightdarlin · 26/02/2014 21:28

Nc as will be showing dp this thread.

We have a great relationship - he is currently massaging my feet. Grin

I'm a SAHM with our 9 month dd, and I really love it. It's something we both agreed on.

I'm just so god dam tired by night time. I got to bed to sleep . I do all the house work and dp goes to work and is out of the house 12 hours a day.

Honestly the only day im up for it is Saturday , when I've been to work for a few hours and dp has had dd during the day when he is off.

When we do have sex, it's very passionate - that's not the problem, it's just most of the time I'm too tired to give a shit.

Obviously dp would like it at least twice Grin I think my rejections are offending him. I don't want him to feel like shit. He never pressurises me.

Is once a week normal ?

OP posts:
HighlanderMam · 26/02/2014 21:45

Dadsnet

Original poster
Nottonightdarlin · 26/02/2014 21:45

Really business?

Yes I'm ok, I was starting to think it was me as when we first got together it was everyday! Now my bed is for sleeeeeeeep!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nottonightdarlin · 26/02/2014 21:46

Thank you highlander

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/02/2014 21:47

I don't even have kids yet and I think once a week is good going

VivaLeBeaver · 26/02/2014 21:48

We don't manage it once a month! Your dh is lucky he's not married to me!

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 26/02/2014 21:50

You save him a small fortune in childcare, even accounting for him only being responsible for 50%.

Men who pull their weight around the house usually get more sex.

A couple of things for him to think about Wink

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow · 26/02/2014 21:51

Wow my ds2 is almost 17 weeks old, and we haven't had sex since I was 6 months pregnant. I was too uncomfortable at the end of my pregnancy and now my c section scar still really bloody hurts so I'm too scared to have sex!!!

Original poster
Nottonightdarlin · 26/02/2014 21:53

I've just been on dadsnet and seen this thread!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/dadsnet/1970026-Male-perspective-please-lack-of-sex

Fecking terrible advice Sad

OP posts:
HighlanderMam · 26/02/2014 22:01

I would have told her to LTB.

gamerchick · 26/02/2014 22:05

Yesterday I was like checking off my housework list.. the husband, who's on holiday was saying 'already did it' to each thing on that list.

He was offered mega sucky long time because I was in the mood.

Take from that what you will.. I have an awesome husband Grin

One that said that he pays all the bills would have got a slide eye.

HighlanderMam · 26/02/2014 22:08

Gamerchick Grin

Original poster
Nottonightdarlin · 26/02/2014 22:27

Me too highlander

gamer Grin

OP posts:
fifi669 · 26/02/2014 22:30

I actually think of you are a SAHM you should do the housework......

I'm 21 weeks pregnant, DP is studying and working do often up late, think we're down to once or twice a week now. I'm just too tired to wait up and then be productive at work the next day! Plus when I've been in the mood he's too tired anyway. The joys of adulthood eh?

vikkik888 · 26/02/2014 22:32

Could you be sneaking a bit of nookie instead of the foot rub?!

Get it when you can is my advice Smile

HighlanderMam · 26/02/2014 22:33

Ha!

I'll quote you on that in about.. oh ..30 weeks time fifi669 Wink

Weathergames · 26/02/2014 22:34

Whatever works for you in your relationship is reasonable?

If it's not you need to talk and change it.

OH and I only spend weekends together (and not every one) and spend months apart due to his job.

Some weekends we have 6 times and manage 6/7 times a day but our time together is VERY condensed and we have the added allure of missing each other loads.

If he lived here (longest period was about 8 weeks with kids and family here) we were doing it about 2/3 times a day.

But we always have that thought in our heads that he will go away which I think spurs us on a lot.

Weathergames · 26/02/2014 22:34

6 kids doh!!!!

fifi669 · 26/02/2014 22:41

highlander I've already got DS 3, been at home whilst looking for work. It's not that hard. Esp when they're babies! Now 3 year olds.... That's like tidying after a hurricane. To then turn around and there's done other natural disaster in another room! Having a clean house isn't the mammoth task some make it out to be and if you're always at home easily achieved. Don't expect a step ford wife with immaculate hair, pinny on and freshly naked bread though!

With us both working, both doing degrees, he does dishes/bins/ironing. I do everything else as he works an extra day and is studying a lot harder than me. It's about give and take I think.

fifi669 · 26/02/2014 22:42

Baked not naked. Bloody autocorrect.

MostWicked · 26/02/2014 22:43

If you push yourself to have sex more than you feel able to, then the chances are that the quality will go down. You have good quality sex at the moment, enjoy quality not quantity.
There is no normal. You have more than some and less than others.
Maintain the quality, and as your tiredness decreases, the quantity will increase.
Who pays the bills is irrelevant, you both contribute all the hours you can to the running of the house.

TheBuskersDog · 26/02/2014 22:44

Weathergames are you saying some weekends you have 6 kids at home with you and you manage to find time to have sex 6/7 times a day? Are you awake all night while they are asleep? If not what do the kids think you are doing all day when you (presumably) disappear?

peachysweet · 26/02/2014 22:48

I was thinking the same bruskersdog! Ho on earth do you find the time with 6 kids around?

HighlanderMam · 26/02/2014 22:49

freshly naked bread Grin

Ah, well there's the difference I'm a SAHM but I'm not always at home. Rarely at home is more accurate. I'm always taking my daughter out everyday, visiting friends/family, walking, groups, shopping etc etc.

I do my fair bit, the other half does his fair bit, he does 4 days on 4 days off, 12 hour shifts, so on his 4 days off he does his half of the housework.

Weathergames · 26/02/2014 22:50

We don't disappear.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 26/02/2014 22:56

We don't disappear.

Now my mind really is boggling! Do you do it behind the sofa while th kid watch a film??? Grin