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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex once a week.

136 replies

Nottonightdarlin · 26/02/2014 21:28

Nc as will be showing dp this thread.

We have a great relationship - he is currently massaging my feet. Grin

I'm a SAHM with our 9 month dd, and I really love it. It's something we both agreed on.

I'm just so god dam tired by night time. I got to bed to sleep . I do all the house work and dp goes to work and is out of the house 12 hours a day.

Honestly the only day im up for it is Saturday , when I've been to work for a few hours and dp has had dd during the day when he is off.

When we do have sex, it's very passionate - that's not the problem, it's just most of the time I'm too tired to give a shit.

Obviously dp would like it at least twice Grin I think my rejections are offending him. I don't want him to feel like shit. He never pressurises me.

Is once a week normal ?

OP posts:
MsMarvel · 26/02/2014 23:22

We have sex on average once a day. Sometimes more (morning and bedtime sex) sometimes less. Longest we go without is when I'm on my period and by the time that's done with we are both extremely horny. It took DP a while to be ok with having sex while DSD was staying with us, but since she never gets up during the night, and knocks before coming into his room, we decided we were safe on these days!

Crikeyblimey · 26/02/2014 23:22

Why do you have to worry about a man who "restrains it for a long time"? And what does that mean?

MsMarvel · 26/02/2014 23:23

And yes I do think that the stay at home parent is responsible for the housework... It's basically a euphemism for housewife is it not...?

TheArticFunky · 26/02/2014 23:25

I wasn't including tidying up as housework. I was thinking more of cleaning bathroom, changing beds etc.

Do people really have sex once a day ? I can't relate to that at all.

fifi669 · 26/02/2014 23:26

Honestly if SAHP aren't doing the chores I think the working partners are getting a rough deal. Anyway.....

If a man thinks paying the bills means he's getting laid he's in la la land!

TheArticFunky · 26/02/2014 23:26

A housewife if the children are at school but I don't see why a SAHM with preschool children should be considered a housewife unless of course they want to.

fifi669 · 26/02/2014 23:28

Before this pregnancy we were minimum of prob 4 times a week. Sometimes a lot more. We're approaching 3 years together so maybe it's still early days?

FlippingWhatsername · 26/02/2014 23:31

Because most men will either have sex or wank several times a week.

Many of even the good ones if they don't do that will eventually cheat.

...and the others, who are masters of themselves, stay true and loving and never cheat despite not getting any? Well that's just cruellest of all.

takingthathometomomma · 26/02/2014 23:32

OP clearly isn't unhappy in the housework situation so why is that relevant? It's their relationship, butt out!

What she asked about is sex. No, Nottonight, YANBU. I can hardly ever be arsed for a shag.

TheArticFunky · 26/02/2014 23:34

Flipping - You think men will cheat if they don't have sex once a week? Have I understood that correctly ?

fifi669 · 26/02/2014 23:35

I think artic it's that they have plenty of time to do the housework but choose to do other things. It's a bit harsh to work all day. Get home the kids are jumping on you as you've been out all day then do housework on top. Your partner has been for a walk with the kids, had coffee with a friend and baked cookies. But not done the housework..... Exaggeration maybe, but you get the idea.

I thought the SAH thing was difficult because you had the kids and the home to run. Cut out one and you're laughing!

MollyHooper · 26/02/2014 23:40

Flipping can I ask why you have such a low opinion of men?

DorianReprise · 26/02/2014 23:45

I would say OP's DH is doing better than most.

artic I took that comment as meaning some will, some are sexually continent - I kind of agree there. Not unfeasible to be honest as men probably want relief more than once a week (a lot would use the word need although I think the concept of people "needing" sex like an animal needs to kill is a sordid lie of modernity) and going over the side probably appeals more to a lot of guys at crisis point, than feeling terribly hated and rejected and sorry for self or splitting up etc.

BritishGal · 26/02/2014 23:45

HighlanderMam - I like you. And your outspokenness.

FlippingWhatsername · 26/02/2014 23:53

It's not actually a low opinion if you read it carefully. Some men are lovely and proper and those are the ones who are punished the hardest by not getting their leg over very much.
What has led me to it is not having some very weird head in the clouds ideas about how much men want sex, that a lot of men wouldn't recognise. You shag your bloke regularly, like you feed your cat or put petrol in your car.

EirikurNoromaour · 27/02/2014 00:06

You shag your bloke regularly, like you feed your cat or put petrol in your car
Shock
Hmm
:(

HoneyDragon · 27/02/2014 00:08

I don't have a car. Or a cat.

TheArticFunky · 27/02/2014 00:08

I'm finding this thread depressing.

FlippingWhatsername · 27/02/2014 00:09

I know right? Seems completely incomprehensible.

HoneyDragon · 27/02/2014 00:11

And we like cobwebs .... You can chuck glitter in them at Christmas and it saves on tinsel.

HoneyDragon · 27/02/2014 00:12

Obviously in that sense I'm referring to our happy lack of housework.

My vag is cobweb free, happily. And glitter too.

LineRunner · 27/02/2014 00:15

I like sex with my OH because I like my OH, and I like my OH because he does loads of housework.

FlippingWhatsername · 27/02/2014 00:15

Probably a good idea to dust for cobwebs at least once a week, and do no housework of any kind. :)

HoneyDragon · 27/02/2014 00:21

Well a brief weekly dust around can't hurt can it?

Problem these days are standards. Get rid of the fuckers, they do no good only harm.

FlippingWhatsername · 27/02/2014 00:23

Sex is an expression of love, and even ignoring base glandular inclinations, a direct and uncomplicated expression of heartfelt love can be extremely important to a person whose emotional communication is fenced in by profound, multiple limitations. Like men.